Seattle Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Coaching
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • Grief and Loss
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
      • Professional Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
      • Marriage Intensive
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group – Chris Chandler
      • Anxiety and Depression Counseling
        Group for Teens and Adolescents
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sexual Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Bellevue
    • 1Bothell
    • Edmonds
    • 1Everett
    • 1Federal Way
    • kentKent
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    • 1Mill Creek
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • 1Puyallup
    • 1Redmond
    • 1Seattle Ballard
    • 1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • 1Spokane
    • 1Spokane Valley
    • 1Tacoma
    • Vancouver
    • 1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (206) 388-3929Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

The Stages of Gaslighting

Seattle Christian Counseling
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/podcast-the-stages-of-gaslighting-3.jpg 2585 3072
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/seattle-greenlake-6-scaled.jpg
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
Photo of Dr. Gary Bell

Dr. Gary Bell

Feb
2020
28

The Stages of Gaslighting

Dr. Gary Bell

Christian Couples CounselingCodependencyIndividual CounselingRelationship Issues

PODCAST: The Stages of Gaslighting 3Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and control. The victims of gaslighting are misled and forced to doubt what they know to be true, even about themselves. Victims end up doubting their memory, perception, and sanity.

Over time, the gaslighter’s manipulations grow more complex and potent, making it difficult for the victim to avoid.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Gaslighting can occur in personal or professional relationships and gaslighters target their victims where it hurts: their sense of identity and self-worth.

Stages of Gaslighting

Depending on the situation, there may be variations in the order and the number of gaslighting stages involved:

PODCAST: The Stages of Gaslighting 21. Lie and Exaggerate

The gaslighter creates a negative narrative about the gaslightee (“There’s something wrong and inadequate about you”), based on generalized false presumptions and accusations, rather than objective, independently verifiable facts, thereby putting the gaslightee on the defensive.

2. Repetition

Like psychological warfare, the falsehoods are repeated constantly in order to stay on the offensive, control the conversation, and dominate the relationship.

3. Escalate When Challenged

When called on their lies, the gaslighter escalates the dispute by doubling and tripling down on their attacks, refuting substantive evidence with denial, blame, and more false claims (misdirection), sowing doubt and confusion.

4. Wear Out the Victim

By staying on the offensive, the gaslighter eventually wears down their victim, who becomes discouraged, resigned, pessimistic, fearful, debilitated, and self-doubting. The victim begins to question her or his own perception, identity, and reality.

5. Form Codependent Relationships

PODCAST: The Stages of GaslightingThe Oxford Dictionary defines codependency as “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.” In a gaslighting relationship, the gaslighter elicits constant insecurity and anxiety in the gaslightee, thereby pulling the gaslightee by the strings.

The gaslighter has the power to grant acceptance, approval, respect, safety, and security. The gaslighter also has the power (and often threatens to) take them away. A codependent relationship is formed based on fear, vulnerability, and marginalization.

6. Give False Hope

As a manipulative tactic, the gaslighter will occasionally treat the victim with mildness, moderation, and even superficial kindness or remorse, to give the gaslightee false hope. In these circumstances, the victim might think: “Maybe he’s really not that bad,” “Maybe things are going to get better,” or “Let’s give it a chance.”

But beware! The temporary mildness is often a calculated maneuver intended to instill complacency and have the victim’s guard down before the next act of gaslighting begins. With this tactic, the gaslighter also further reinforces a codependent relationship.

7. Dominate and Control

PODCAST: The Stages of Gaslighting 1At its extreme, the ultimate objective of a pathological gaslighter is to control, dominate, and take advantage of another individual, or a group, or even an entire society.

By maintaining and intensifying an incessant stream of lies and coercions, the gaslighter keeps the gaslightees in a constant state of insecurity, doubt, and fear. The gaslighter can then exploit their victims at will, for the augmentation of their power and personal gain.

Tune in to learn about gaslighters and how to empty their tank.

Photos:
“Streetlamp”, Courtesy of Chris Knight, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Insanity”, Courtesy of Callie Gibson, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Hallucination”, Courtesy of Elijah O’Donnell, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Crazy”, Courtesy of Julian Paul, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Dr. Gary Bell
Schedule with Dr. Gary
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Dr. Gary Bell

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(206) 965-9991 garyb@seattlechristiancounseling.com

People are my calling. My job is to help people like you heal their lives, relationships, and families. With over two decades of experience helping tens of thousands of individuals, couples, and families, I offer empathy, a listening ear, and a healthy dose of wisdom. I am straightforward and often use humor in my practice. I believe it’s so important to be relaxed in this work. I work quickly and don’t waste time getting down to the business of healing people of all ages, backgrounds, genders, relationships, and cultures. Read more articles by Dr. Gary »

Other articles that might interest you...

The Process of Christian Counseling
Photo of Nitish Matthew

Nitish Matthew

The Process of Christian Counseling

  A conversation about the process of Christian Counseling with Ryan Likes, Community Counselor at Seattle’s Union Gospel Mission. Nitish:...

continue reading »
Seattle Christian Counseling 1
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

Adolescent Counseling

The culture that today’s adolescents are growing up in is vastly different than the culture their parents grew up in....

continue reading »
3 Therapeutic Tips for Parents -- Reflective Language (Part 1)
Seattle Christian Counseling

Why Children’s Counseling?

As you decorate a child’s room with art at their eye level, age-appropriate toys, and child-sized furniture, so children’s counseling...

continue reading »

About Dr. Gary

Photo of Dr. Gary Bell

Dr. Gary Bell, Ed.D, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

People are my calling. My job is to help people like you heal their lives, relationships, and families. With over two decades of experience helping tens of thousands of individuals, couples, and families, I offer empathy, a listening ear, and a healthy dose of wisdom. I am straightforward and often use humor in my practice. I believe it’s so important to be relaxed in this work. I work quickly and don’t waste time getting down to the business of healing people of all ages, backgrounds, genders, relationships, and cultures. View Dr. Gary's Profile

Recent articles by Dr. Gary

  • Mar 5 · Depression and Anxiety: A Life Unlived
  • Mar 2 · A Glimpse into Life with Bipolar Disorder
  • Feb 28 · The Stages of Gaslighting
See all articles by Dr. Gary »

Related Services

  • Christian Couples Counseling
  • Codependency
  • Individual Counseling
  • Relationship Issues

Dr. Gary's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Seattle Greenlake office

    Seattle Greenlake

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 388-3929
    6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B Seattle, WA 98115

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Edmonds office

    Edmonds

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 620-1404
    316 Main Street Edmonds, WA 98020

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Seattle Ballard office

    Seattle Ballard

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 489-2634
    1455 NW Leary Way,, Suite 459 Seattle, WA 98107

    View Office Details

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Seattle Christian Counseling Logo
Seattle Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
Welcome to Seattle Christian Counseling. We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors with more than 20 office locations throughout Washington state for your convenience, including the Seattle neighborhoods of Greenlake, Ballard, and Downtown Lower Queen Anne. We look forward to meeting you soon.
© 2021 Seattle Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B, Seattle, WA 98115. Tel (206) 388-3929.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.