Staying Married After Having Children

Far too often, it seems to me, men and women choose to have kids for the wrong reasons: basically, to fill themselves up and make themselves feel loved.

And that right there is one of my most cringe-inducing, nostrils-flaring pet peeves. Children deserve to be born into situations where the parents are emotionally balanced and want children for the right reasons – to give them love and stability and to help them to flourish.

If you are in a relationship and are contemplating having children, ask yourself why you want to have kids. Having children to keep up with the Joneses, or simply because you’ve always wanted to have them are not good enough reasons. Talk with your partner and ask him or her the same thing.

In my private practice, I see many adults who come in for therapy because they didn’t get the love, support, and attention they needed from their parents when they were growing up. When children don’t get what they need from their parents, it’s usually because their parents weren’t ready or didn’t have children for the right reasons in the first place.

The whole messed-up cycle usually starts with social pressure to fit in and to be like those around you. We all know that people often get married because that’s just what everyone does. (Enter divorce, stage right.) Unfortunately, people also have kids for similarly unhealthy reasons.

Too many childless men and women fall victim to the social pressures that everyone is supposed to have kids to be happy and whole, and end up having kids themselves. Later, they find that having kids in the home is a huge responsibility, and they don’t prioritize their children.

Tune in and learn about how having children impacts a marriage and how to navigate those difficult waters!