Infidelity and Affairs

What God has joined together, let no one separate. – Mark 19:9

When you were first married, you probably intended to be with your spouse for life. You might have even found the idea of either of you having an affair impossible, or at least highly unlikely.

Sadly, infidelity is fairly common, affecting nearly 25% of couples at some point during the course of the relationship.

Though that statistic is heartbreaking, couples actually have a very good chance of surviving an affair. At Seattle Christian Counseling, we have seen couples enter infidelity counseling with little to no hope and come through the process with a much stronger relationship and great hope for the future.

What is Infidelity?

What exactly counts as infidelity? Does a person have to have sexual intercourse, or is kissing someone other than your spouse considered cheating? Sometimes people grapple with these kinds of questions, but let’s be honest – most people know when they are crossing emotional or sexual boundaries outside of their marriage, and as evidence, they seek to hide the details of their relationship with their spouse.  As Christians, God wants us to break away from the loopholes people create to justify all forms of infidelity, so that we can build marriages based on loyalty, trust, and dedication to the well-being of the one who God joined us with for life.

Why do People Have Affairs?

If you discovered your partner had an affair, you might think, how could this happen? Sometimes it can be hard to understand how your relationship got to this point and what could have motivated you spouse to be unfaithful. You might even blame yourself. In reality, there are a lot of reasons why people have affairs, usually involving sexual and emotional factors such as:

• Persistent, unresolved marital conflict.
• Unfulfilled sexual needs.
• Emotional disconnect between spouses.
• Sexual addiction and love addiction.
• Crossing the line from platonic friendships into romantic ones, either online or in the workplace.
• Social context where infidelity is commonplace and acceptable.

For infidelity recovery to be possible, both partners have to be ready to discuss the affair honestly. Understanding why the affair happened is a fundamental part of healing. Getting clear on this matter can help the betrayed spouse move forward, while allowing the involved spouse the ability to express themselves while helping them understand the deeper emotional issues that may have influenced their behavior.

Talking about these emotionally-charged issues can lead to a lot of unnecessary hurt and conflict, and can be nearly impossible at times without third-party intervention. Christian counseling for infidelity recovery is a safe place for couples to explore these sensitive issues.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9

Real infidelity recovery requires a lot from both partners, but with mutual dedication, healing is possible. Though the road ahead might seem too tough to handle, through Christ and good Christian counseling, you have the support and tools you need to journey this path together. If you stay the course, you will find the reward is greater than you ever thought possible.

Did you know —

Most couples survive an affair; many of which come out stronger and more committed.

How is this possible? Despite the damage caused, sometimes having your relationship on the brink of destruction can be motivating. Once faced with all there is to lose, couples often find a strong desire for re-dedicating and connecting with their spouse.

Can Counseling Save My Marriage?

At Seattle Christian Counseling, we have seen couples successfully work through infidelity time and time again. Sometimes we get couples who have tried to work things out on their own for years, but were unable to get ahead because of the pain and deeply-set problems that each person carried. But, once they got professional help from trained Christian counselors, they found the tools and guidance they needed to be able to finally let go of their trust issues and hurt. Though we can’t promise that Christian infidelity counseling will offer the results you hope for, we are confident that most are happy with the process overall.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

As an organization of faith-based counselors, the above passage is one we look to for hope and guidance. With our holistic approach to marriage wellness, we offer healing that goes beyond what can be offered in secular counseling groups. With faith in Christ and bible-based tools for healthy marriages, Seattle Christian Counseling has seen couples through the most challenging of situations.

What Happens in Infidelity Counseling?

Each couple has their own story and needs for recovering from infidelity. For most, marriage counseling after an affair is very similar to counseling for trauma. The betrayed spouse might even suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. To combat the intense fear and trust issues after an affair, one of the most important things is dedication to truth and transparency. Rebuilding trust after an affair can take a lot of work, but with Christian counseling led by God, all things are possible.

How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair

One of the hardest things for couples after infidelity is dealing with trust issues. No matter how hard the betrayed spouse tries, despite the best efforts of the involved spouse, it can be very hard to let go of the intense feelings of fear and insecurity that marital affairs can cause. Once the foundation of trust is broken, it can take years of dedication and honesty to rebuild the damage. If both partners commit to healing, Christian counseling can help you start anew.

In Christ, we are called away from our old nature and raised in newness of life. With faith in the word of His patience and the precious promises of God for redemption, even the most hurtful sins and wounded spirit can find wholeness.

The process of rebuilding trust after an affair includes:

• Accountability – Infidelity is never okay, no matter the circumstances. The involved spouse needs to be willing to show real accountability and try to understand the devastation it caused their spouse and relationship.
• Willingness to risk hurt – Once betrayed, it can be very difficult to open your heart again. Despite the risk, the betrayed spouse must be willing to take a leap of faith and know that the pain and fear they experience will subside over time as the involved spouse works towards restoring trust.
• Ask and answer questions – The involved spouse must be willing to answer questions pertaining to the affair during counseling. The betrayed will learn how to ask healthy questions rather than accusations and other damaging language.
• Set realistic expectations – On the part of the betrayed partner, this means understanding that healing and forgiveness is a process. It’s not uncommon for more information to surface after you thought you knew all the details. Focusing on the big picture of recovery is important. On the other hand, the involved spouse needs to evaluate their expectations of marriage, some of which might be irrational and led to the affair in the first place.
• Forgiveness – Through Christian counseling for infidelity recovery, the hope is for both partners to move away from how they have hurt each other and toward forgiveness and new beginnings.

We understand that it can be hard to see the seemingly faint light at the end of the tunnel, but believe it or not, the struggles you face now might be just what you need to build a relationship that is iron-strong against the things of this world that so often tear marriages apart. At Seattle Christian Counseling, we are here to hold faith and hope for the redemption and healing of your relationship.

Don’t give up on your marriage; there is still hope. Contact us today to schedule your risk-free initial session*.

To learn more about Christian counseling for infidelity recovery or to schedule an appointment, simply contact us online or give us a call at 206-388-3929.