Addressing Distorted Thinking in Children

It has often been said that children’s words are from their hearts. During life, children develop self-perception. They cultivate beliefs about themselves and the world around them. Sometimes this includes a distorted thinking pattern that is influenced by several factors that they cannot control.

Children don’t always see how there are two sides to everything. They are not only learning they are also developing emotionally. They tend to be over-critical of themselves. These factors can lead to cognitive distortion or distorted thinking in children.

You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  –  2 Timothy 2:1, NASB

As parents, we need to be aware of this behavior and know how to help our children learn to live in a positively focused mindset. God doesn’t want our children to live in fear or defeat.

What is distorted thinking?

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or in dread of them, for the LORD your God is the One who is going with you. He will not desert you or abandon you.”  –  Deuteronomy 31:6, NASB

Distorted thinking is also known as cognitive distortion. This means the patterns of thinking are not accurate and can cause depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Children can get caught up in this type of thinking as they grow and try to fit in with other children. Most of the time the thought process is negative and is not based on real life.

Here are some statements that are examples of distorted thinking:

• “This is the worst day of my life.”
• “No one wants to be my friend.”
• “Everyone is watching me.”
• “They all think I am dumb.”
• “I am never going to learn my lines for the school play.”

Each of these thoughts comes from the child thinking the worst in every situation. They need reminders of how to be strong and courageous in today’s chaotic world.

Types of distorted thinking in children

There are several types of cognitive distortion. The most common types found in children include:

Black and white thinking

This type of thought pattern is an all-or-nothing kind of thinking. The thoughts are from one extreme to another. It is also known as polarized thinking.

“If it isn’t perfect then it’s a failure.”

Magnification/minimization

This mindset focuses on the exaggeration of the negative and minimizing the positive. The child will remain focused on what went badly and dismiss the good parts.

“Even though I got an A for my speech, it was not good because I stuttered.”

Discounting the positive

When a child makes statements that negate the good things, he or she is exhibiting this type of distorted thinking. This means that the child is rejecting the good things that have happened.

“That was just luck.”

Emotional reasoning

This is the mindset that says feelings must be true. For children, this means that when they feel like they are dumb they must be dumb.

“I feel dumb for missing that word, and now everyone knows I’m dumb.”

Labeling

This mindset of distorted thinking in children is as simple as it sounds. They put a negative label on themselves and possibly others around them.

“I’m a loser.” or “She is a bad sister.”

Catastrophization

This type of cognitive distortion occurs when the child only sees the worst outcome of something. They will blow things out of proportion.

“The teacher hasn’t called my name so that means I am stupid.”

Overgeneralization

When children overgeneralize, they believe that everything will always end the same way. They tend to speak using absolute words like every, all, and always.

“I never do anything right.”

Mind reading

Mind-reading is assuming that they know what others are thinking. This type of distorted thinking children involves trying to conclude without considering all the information. For instance, when a group of kids are giggling the child may think the kids are laughing at them.

“They are laughing at me. They don’t like me.”

Fortune telling

Fortune telling is predicting a negative outcome.

“If I am not perfect, then my parents will never love me.”

Mental filtering

This is the mindset that focuses on all the negative aspects of a situation. Eventually, the entire situation looks negative even though there are some positive areas.

“The 78 percent score I got on that one test made me have an A- in the class instead of an A.”

Factors related to distorted thinking in children

Sometimes children experience things that may cause them to become focused on always thinking negatively. The most common factors are mental health disorders. Some situations can cause a child to develop cognitive distortion.

Here are a few of the more common factors that are related to distorted thinking in children:

• Emotional neglect.
• Physical abuse.
• Fear of abandonment.
• Social anxiety.
• Chronic illness.
• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
• Depression.
• Traumatic experiences.

How do I help my child with their thoughts?

Once you realize that your child may suffer from cognitive distortion you must learn how to challenge those thoughts so your child can learn to think more positively about himself or herself.

It is easy for children to criticize themselves. They tend to be harder on themselves than their parents are on them. Helping them understand how to identify negative thinking and replace it with positive thinking can help them navigate life productively and positively.

Here are a few things you can do to help your child challenge negative thoughts.

Meet them where they are

This is where you recognize the thought pattern and meet them there. In this way, you can help them navigate to positive thoughts. Don’t push them. Let them begin to move on their own and soon they will learn to navigate the down times.

Listen to them and pay attention to what they are saying

Instead of correcting the thought, help them by reframing what they are saying. Provide empathy and allow them to feel validated without being negative.

Don’t try to change how they feel

The focus of challenging distorted thinking is to change the thought process not the feeling. They want to know that you hear them and that you aren’t trying to fix them.

Give them a space to feel safe

Let them find a place that is set up for them to have tools and strategies to help them cope with negative thoughts. When they feel safe, they can process and learn to navigate the process of challenging the negativity.

Reaffirm that you are available

You don’t have to hover, but you can let them know that you are close by and available if they want to discuss the issues. This will encourage them to engage in coping skills.

Older children may benefit from journaling

Give your child a journal and help them learn to journal the thoughts and feelings that occur when they are in an instance of distorted thinking. When they can go back and read the entries, they may understand how to identify the thinking before it gets out of hand.

Help your child learn how to be mindful

When they are caught in a negative moment, help them learn how to focus on releasing the negative thoughts through deep breathing exercises and letting go of the thoughts. This will help them learn that they are not their thoughts.

Remind your child that they are important to God and that he or she is not a mistake:

The Rock! His work is perfect, For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, Righteous and just is He.  –  Deuteronomy 32:4, NASB

Consider Christian counseling for your child

If you feel that your child may need to discuss distorted thinking issues with someone more qualified, you could investigate the Christian counselors in your area. They can guide your child through these challenges using talk therapy, otherwise known as cognitive behavioral therapy, to identify and change distorted thinking.

Here are some factors that will help you identify whether you should seek a Christian counselor in your area.

• Emotional struggles such as anger, loneliness, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
• Negative belief systems passed on through generations.
• The expectations of social circle or culture.
• Trauma that was experienced.
• Poverty or debt.

If you find that your child is struggling with distorted thinking patterns and you want more help, contact a Christian counselor in your area.