Resolving Marital Conflict: A Christian Counselor’s Guide, Part II

Part 2 of a 2-Part Resolving Marital Conflict Series

Marital conflict is inevitable, but what we do when conflict arises can determine a lot about the success of our marriage. In my previous article, I began to explore some of the essential ways in which couples can work toward resolving marital conflict. In this article, I will continue to explore the means by which couples can arm themselves to effectively and compassionately resolve marital conflict. Learning to practice these skills can ensure that you and your spouse will hear and love one another in the challenging moments when conflict arises.

Practicing Forgiveness

No matter how much two people try to love and please each other, they will fail.  The result of failure is hurt.  And the ultimate healer of hurt is forgiveness.  The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and rewarding marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly.  Our ability to do that is tied to our relationship with God.  To forgive is not an option; it is a command.  Jesus said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11: 25, 26).  This, of course, would include your interaction with your spouse.

It is important to remember that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.  A choice to make a positive decision, to please God and keep short accounts with your spouse.  Most of us never feel like forgiving anyone.  The feeling of forgiveness only comes as you choose to forgive.  Therefore, “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as Christ also forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).  Decide to show mercy and forgive.  Doing so is the beginning of finding solutions in your marriage.

Blessing Your Spouse

The Book of I Peter tells us, “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (I Peter 3:8-10) Husbands and wives can become very good at trading insults.  Some couples get stuck in a pattern where they no longer know any other way to relate to the other.  What does it mean to return a blessing for an insult?  It means to change your instinct to lash out, fight back, or get even.  It means refusing to return to retaliate if your spouse gets angry.  It also means doing something good.  Sometimes a few words spoken kindly and gently, or perhaps a hug, or a special act of kindness and service goes a long way.

Taking Action Even When Your Spouse Will Not

When you take action to love, forgive and change even when your spouse will not, this brings powerful encouragement to respond in kind.  Jesus said, “Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them…” (Matthew 7:12).  Apply this principle to your marriage.  How do you want your spouse to respond to you?  Then respond to them accordingly.

This is all about pursuing the other person.  Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  To live at peace with everyone means pursuing peace.  It means taking the initiative to resolve a difficult conflict rather than waiting for the other person to take a step.

Christian Counseling for Marital Conflict

A Christian counselor can help you gain a clear understanding of the Biblical and heart issues involved in your conflict.  He or she can provide support, insight and fresh strategies to help you and your spouse move toward fresh perspective and growth.  Christian counseling can be a powerful resource to help you and your spouse.  When couples get the help they need, combined with a desire to love and nurture their spouse, they will experience the change and growth they seek. To learn more about Christian Counseling for married couples, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would be delighted to partner with you and your spouse as you learn to love and support one another through marital conflict.

 

Photos
By Freeditigalphotos.net – Couple Sitting Of The Couch Having Problems In Their Relationship” by David Castillo Dominici; “Couple” by phanlop88