Why Therapy is an Invaluable Resource for Parents

Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.

(Proverbs 22:6, New International Version)

One of the greatest joys of parenting is raising a child who in their adult years lives a productive and godly life. Yet, all parents know this job is far easier said than done. Training a child to follow your instruction and to make wise choices requires both an abundance of grace as well as an equal amount of knowledge.  One of the best ways to develop your abilities as a parent is to work with a therapist who is trained to address the challenges of raising children.

Clinical Implications

Therapists trained in child and family dynamics can help parents effectively navigate the developmental changes a child experiences over time.  They can provide insight into the life cycle of development through which children mature, identify how instructional methods should adapt over time, and help parents address specific challenges they are facing with their child or adolescent.  Therapists can also play a vital role in the diagnosis and treatment of specific conditions common to children, some of which may be temporary (i.e., anxiety, depression), and others that may require treatment over the long term (i.e., ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorders). Parents who work together with a therapist have the opportunity to learn more about specific diagnoses including symptoms, treatment and referral options, as well as specific steps they can take to help reduce or eliminate their child’s symptoms.

Varied and Changing Family Structures

Families in today’s culture are very diverse and include multiethnic, single-parent, traditional, blended, adoptive, and foster-parent families. Each presents a unique set of challenges that can be addressed in the context of therapy. For example, a couple may find it hard to bring together the values of two or more cultures as they consider how best to raise their children. A single parent with one or more children may struggle to find a balance between working, raising children, and time for themselves. Adoptive and foster-parents may need assistance in raising children dealing with depression, separation anxiety, and attachments issues. Parents of blended families often experience the complexities inherent in joining the members to two formerly established families into one. Therapy can, therefore, be a resource enabling parents to obtain the knowledge necessary to establish balance and stability in their personal and family lives.

Parent-Child Value Differences

Today’s secular culture has subtly, yet powerfully, weaved its way into multiple aspects of our society. In many cases the values represented on television, in movies, or on display at school are a far cry from the qualities a parent has chosen to instill in their child. It is therefore not uncommon for parents to find themselves in the distinct place of having to fight back by encouraging their children to hold tightly to values and beliefs taught at home. Unfortunately, far too many parents find themselves in a losing battle, outflanked and outnumbered by the various secular influences within the general culture. As a result, it is not uncommon for caring parents to find themselves at odds with their children. Their children may realize that compromising with the status quo often yields the priceless benefit of fitting in while choosing otherwise can have significant social ramifications, which are perceived as being negative consequences from the child’s perspective.  If not properly addressed, this dynamic can lead to a heavy strain on the parent-child relationship.  Therapy provides a neutral place where parents and their children can address value differences related to cultural norms and work to preserve the quality and openness of the relationship. Even though differences really exist and may continue to remain between parents and children, it is imperative parents remember that they never have to waiver in their beliefs and that the impetus for raising a godly child remains, likely requiring the implementation of structure around what a child or adolescent can watch, listen to, and engage in with friends.  Yet, there is a way to do so that empowers parents to hold fast to their beliefs and their expectations of their son or daughter in the home while simultaneously gaining their respect and providing them the flexibility to develop a healthy independence. This applies to differences related to culture and to general differences experienced between parents and their children.

Being Emotionally Healthy

Children are keen observers and absorb what is modeled to them at home. They internalize the behaviors of their parents, often making them their own. This is why it is so important for parents to provide an example to their children of the behaviors they want them to exemplify in the present time and in their future. A parent who is emotionally unhealthy may tell their child to act a certain way, yet model a pattern incongruent with what is being expected. It says a lot about a parent who is willing to evaluate themselves and seek help to address negative emotional patterns, so they are better equipped to show their children how to live a positive and healthy life.

Addressing the Couple Relationship

One of the greatest gifts a child can receive is the example of a healthy relationship between their mother and father. Unfortunately, we live in a society where so many children do not have such an example. It is far too common for moms and dads to separate, or remain in a marriage characterized by frequent fighting or emotional distance. The effect these situations have on children can undoubtedly be drastic, even though a child may have difficulty stating so. It is, for this reason, crucial for a couple to address significant issues in their relationship early on, either prior to having children or when their children are young. Couples therapy gives future or current moms and dads the chance to work through these issues so that their relationship exemplifies to their children that which is good, godly, and right.

Parents who invest in their emotional and relational health through the course of therapy benefit not only themselves but their children as well. This personal investment is well worth the time, effort, and money spent establishing a framework that allows for parenting to remain the rewarding and joyful experience God has meant it to be.

Photos
“FamilyGathering2,” courtesy of :mrMark:, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0); “LeonbergerAndFamily,” courtesy of Gareth Williams, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0)