Your Family and Pornography – 3 Steps to Protect Your Family From the Grasp of Pornography with Christian Counseling

Do not wait for pornography to touch your life or the life of your family. The odds are it will, and it is better to be armed and ready for its onslaught. – Eric Gomez, MS, LMFT, MHP

 The Data

Pornography has become a prevalent part of our American society. We have allowed it to thrive in our culture and the current data regarding prevalence is astonishing.

BSecureOnline.com — a provider of parental controls software for families has posted the following information:

• 9 out of 10 children aged between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally.
• Today, 47 percent of families in the United States report that pornography is a problem in their home.1

Wikipedia presents the following statistics:

• 12% of the websites (i.e., 24.6 million) on the internet are pornographic.
• 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop-up ads, misdirected links or emails.
• 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography.1 of every 3 porn viewers is a woman.
• 1 of every 3 porn viewers is a woman.2.5 billion emails sent or received
• 2.5 billion emails sent or received everyday contain porn.2

Therefore, what can you do to protect yourself and your family from the wide and powerful grasp of pornography?

Step 1: Get Informed

The first step is becoming informed about the harmful effects of pornography. Reading articles like this, listening to online presentations, and purchasing books on the subject can help you, your spouse, and your family more clearly understand the negative impacts of pornography. A few great resources include:

• Wired for Intimacy, by Dr. William Struthers
• Out of the Shadows, by Dr. Patrick Carnes
• In the Shadows of the Net, by Dr. Patrick Carnes

These helpful resources further address pornography’s impact on the brain, and the destructiveness of sexual addiction.

Step 2: Be Proactive

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, my experience allows me to affirmatively state the effects of pornography are devastating. I have seen it wreak havoc in the lives of many wonderful individuals and families. This is why I say with absolute fervency, “Do not wait for pornography to touch your life or the life of your family. The odds are it will, and it is better to be armed and ready for its onslaught.”

Be proactive by doing the following:

• Inform yourself about the detriments of pornography.
• Talk to your children early on about why it is so important to avoid using pornography. If you wait till they are teenagers, you’re way too late.
• Talk to your spouse about the realities of pornography and about any experiences you have had with it in the past. Don’t let it be a taboo subject between you. Pornography thrives on secrecy and deceit. Deal with this issue sooner rather than later, and don’t let it have any further place in your life. If necessary, seek help from a couples therapist trained in dealing with the effects of pornography and sexual addiction.
• Place internet filters on all of your home computers (e.g., Bsecure Online).
• Stay close to God and guard your heart. If your relationship with God becomes weak, Satan will take full advantage of this and undoubtedly try using pornography to destroy your life. Keep your mind stayed on Him and do not give the enemy any place in your life.
• Pornography, like most drugs, becomes a stronghold incrementally. One exposure leads to a craving for more until one eventually finds themselves addicted to it. Your proactive response to protect you and your family from it helps ensure you are protected from this dark phenomenon.

Step 3: Addressing Your Children

Not long into my career as a family therapist I started receiving cases involving worried parents seeking help for their child/adolescent whom they discovered had been viewing pornography. Working with them often produced a unique situation, whereby it rapidly became apparent they were far less concerned about the situation than their parents were. Moreover, the last thing they wanted to do was to discuss their use of pornography with a therapist.

I soon realized the most effective means of attacking this situation resided in how and when parents approached their children about the dangers of pornography. I also recognized how important it would be to arm parents on its harmful effects, and to show them how to effectively address the subject with their son or daughter.

The Following List Provides Helpful Ways to Approach Them:

• Be open, casual, and frank: If they can see you are comfortable talking about pornography they’ll learn you can sit with the subject, and won’t be afraid to discuss the topic with you later on if confronted by it at school, online, etc. Remember you set the tone and direction of the conversation, and that the earlier you have these conversations with them the better.
• Build trust: Ask them if they have ever been exposed to pornography. If they say yes, relax. They just opened up to you and trusted you enough with this information. How you handle things from this point means everything. Remaining calm, yet interested, sends the message you aren’t afraid of the things they are likely facing on a daily basis. It also tells them you are a strong and safe resource. Freaking out sends the message you’re not a safe resource, potentially a threatening one, and that trusting you with information like this is a major risk at best.
• Look at important resources together. Fight the New Drug (fightthenewdrug.org)3 is a powerful starting point for both parents and teens who want to become informed about the negative effects of pornography. This organization presents great video-based content which can help facilitate open conversation between you and your son or daughter.

Counseling Resource

I hope you have found this information helpful. If you would like more information, or would like to schedule an initial consultation with me, please contact us by going to seattlechristiancounseling.com.

 

 References

1. Bsecure Online, Pornography Statistics. https://www.bsecure.com/Resources/Statistics.aspx
2. Wikipedia, Internet Pornography Statistics. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_pornography_statistics
3. Fight The New Drug.org: http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/

Images cc: freedigitalphotos.net – “Wooden Pier” by 9comeback and “Morning View” by gubgib