What Does the Bible Say about Marriage and Divorce?

What does the Bible say about marriage and divorce? In this first article in this two-part series on

marriage and divorce from a biblical perspective, we’ll look at God’s plan for marriage as well as two concessions the Bible gives for divorce.

God’s plan for marriage

As a Christian Counselor, I get many questions about marriage and divorce, specifically regarding what God intends in marriage and when is divorce an option. Before looking at divorce allowances in Scripture, let us examine God’s plan for marriage.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27

These few verses say a lot about God and us. The Lord created us in His image. We bear many characteristics of the Lord which include love, mercy, justice, self-awareness, others-centeredness, grace, honor, and faithfulness just to name a few. Only the Lord is perfect in all of the above. Our capacity to reflect God’s perfect character traits of love, justice, and compassion is tainted by sin.

Adam’s sin caused the image of God to be broken beyond our ability to repair. Sin, in the Christian sense, is not just doing something wrong, it is an attack against the Lord God who is the sustainer of life in the cosmos. It is only through a miracle of God that we can repair the damage brought on by sin entering the world in Genesis 3.

That miracle occurred when God sent His only Son to repair the damage by bearing the penalty upon Himself. Therefore, God demonstrated mercy and justice to us at the same time on the cross. Ephesians 4:24 and Colossians 3:10 convey the truth that being covered by the blood of Jesus and putting on the new self enables us to pursue true righteousness and holiness.

What I love about the “image of God” in Genesis 1:27 is that it immediately precedes God’s picture of the relationship between a man and woman. Our God is relational and part of being image bearers is living out the intimate relationship between a man and woman.

The first and most definitive passage on marriage is found right at the beginning:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24, ESV

Shortly after creating Eve and presenting her to Adam, God states the definition of marriage as an essential one-flesh union of a husband and wife. It is important to note several things here.

First, this is God joining the man and wife together in marriage. Jesus, in His dispute with the scribes and Pharisees, refers to this passage and concludes, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6), indicating the essentially permanent nature of marriage, before moving on to the exception in cases of adultery.

Second, this one-flesh union is more than merely a sexual union (though it is not less than that). It is a union in which the husband and wife are united by a strong bond. As Christopher Ash puts it, “The language of ‘one flesh’ in Scripture strongly suggests a bond which is public and familial, and therefore comparable to ties of blood. It is the creation not merely of a sexual union but also of a public social unit.”

Let us now look at one of the most important passages regarding marital union in the New Testament.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5: 22-33

This key passage on marriage and the relationship between husbands and wives reflects the image of God. Just as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all equal and in God, there is a rank order that does not, astonishingly, connote superiority. Just as the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and Son, and Jesus is begotten of the Father there is an order of function in the Triune God.

In the marital relationship, the husband is not a power-hungry dictator, but a person who is in a relationship with his wife to exercise leadership and responsibility. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and give himself sacrificially for her just as Christ gave Himself for His church. This relationship is akin to Christ and the Church as in a lover and beloved.

If a wife has a disagreement with her husband about a core matter it is wise to seek spiritual wisdom from an objective third party such as a trusted friend, a pastor, or Christian counselor. A wife is called to follow God’s commands even when it contradicts her husband’s wishes.

A husband has a great responsibility before God to treat his wife with love, kindness, and dignity. Husbands are given the impossibly high standard of Christ, Himself, and His love for His bride, the Church as the supreme example of how they are to treat their wives.

Another distinctive I love about this passage is that husbands are called to love their wives and wives are called to respect their husbands. What a picture of unity in diversity! As their Creator, God knows that husbands often struggle to love their wives as they ought, and wives often struggle to respect their husbands. Both are equally important.

Also, in some sense, a wife respecting the husband involves loving the husband and a husband loving a wife involves respecting the wife. In many ways, love and respect are two sides of the same coin. Ephesians 5:21 eloquently summarizes it: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Key passages and exceptions where divorce is allowed

Adultery

There are two clear biblical situations in which divorce is permitted. The first one is adultery/sexual immorality.

It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. – Matthew 5:31-32, NIV

The teachers of the Jewish law, who were the Scribes, Pharisees, and Sadducees, had taken Moses’ teaching on divorce and misapplied it so that it allowed for divorce in any and every situation, thus twisting God’s original design for marriage.

Malachi 2:16 (ESV) teaches that  “the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Moses’ teaching on divorce was this:

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance. – Deuteronomy 24:1-4, NIV

Some of the rabbis of Jesus’ time, had made it so that divorce was permissible for pretty much any reason. Examples included not being pleased with how a wife dressed, whether she was too old, her ability to have children, etc.

They focused not so much on the reasons for the divorce but more on whether a certificate had been filled out properly. They may have been more concerned with whether all the prerequisite fees/favors were given to them in advance.

The spirit of the law here in the Deuteronomy passage is clearly to protect marriage and not to make divorce and remarriage a frivolous and casual affair. The Deuteronomy passage also clearly indicates the sinfulness of just focusing on the ability to divorce without thinking about the wicked consequences it has on the divorced wife in particular but ultimately on families and Jewish society altogether.

Jesus brings back the true focus and context of this passage to bear upon his listeners who were present for His Sermon on the Mount. Adultery strikes at the heart of the marriage covenant, so Jesus allows for divorce in those cases. Adultery is such a deep breach of the marriage covenant that untold pain and rift are caused in the relationship.

The principle of forgiveness and trust is also present and as long as couples are willing to work through a deep breach of the marriage covenant there is a real possibility of repair and healing in the marriage.

Desertion

The second biblical situation in which divorce is permitted is for desertion of a believing spouse by an unbelieving spouse. The Bible recognizes here the harsh reality of our capacity for depravity and sinfulness. This sinfulness may lead to a break in the marital covenant that the unbelieving partner refuses to repair.

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

To the rest, I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? – 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, NIV

The first paragraph of this passage shows that God desires that married couples stay together even through disagreements and difficulties in the marriage. This is God’s ideal, so much so, that God does not even want unbelievers married to believers to separate from the marriage either. Paul makes the argument that the unbelieving wife or husband is sanctified (made holy) through the believing husband or wife.

The sense in this passage is that the unbelieving spouse would be more likely to want to leave the relationship than the believing spouse and hence, I believe, the focus on the unbelieving spouse deserting the marital union.

Verses 15-16 explain that it is okay to let an unbelieving spouse leave a marriage if they wish to do so. Paul says that the believer is not bound in such circumstances and that we are to live at peace with our fellow citizens on this earth. The Lord absolves the believer of the responsibility to maintain the marriage when there is desertion by an unbelieving marriage partner.

Paul points out that the believer is no longer bound or a slave of the marriage covenant in these circumstances. Willful desertion renders the marriage covenant null and there is a release from the bond of Holy Matrimony.

In Part 2, I will write more about a biblical stance on marriage/divorce and further issues that cause a lot of damage to a marriage.