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What is the Goal of Christian Marriage Counseling?

Seattle Christian Counseling
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6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

Oct
2011
03

What is the Goal of Christian Marriage Counseling?

Erik Mildes

Marriage CounselingRelationship Issues

Many people seek marriage counseling for a variety of different reasons, which usually can be recognized and acknowledged in time. One may desire counseling in order to get their partner to change, for example. That may be legitimate if the partner is doing something unlawful or truly damaging (such as, for instance, using pornography or taking illicit drugs or behaving in an abusive manner towards family members). On other occasions, the goal may be to get the other partner to change as an evasive act, a way of avoiding my own need to address my own hang ups and poor methods of coping in the world. In either case, however, the ultimate goal of Christian marriage counseling is not to get our partner to change, even if they desperately need to do so, but to challenge our own hearts to face those things that impede growth, both as individuals, as well as in the way we behave towards other people. This process will help us enter into new realms of growth and experience.

 

The goal of Christian marriage counseling is to impart new skills, wisdom and a foundation of understanding for continued growth beyond the counseling office. But there is so much more to it than that. If all we needed was a little knowledge, we could all be fixed by reading a book. You’ve probably read your share of books, but the change you desire still eludes you. Why? Change, in order to be real, true and lasting, must take place at the level of the heart. The heart needs to be pursued, it needs to be challenged and confronted. It needs love, time and patience to bear fruit. No amount of surface level knowledge or exercises alone can bring change. By pointing you and your spouse to Christ, and confronting your hearts on hard issues, a Christian marriage counselor not only teaches, but also sets into motion a rhythm of life that extends beyond the office walls.

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That being said, much of the cleaning up to be done will involve practicing new skills and implementing the knowledge and wisdom set forth in the office. Developing effective and healthy habits and breaking the detrimental ones takes time and repetition. Practical knowledge and skills you may gain include:

 

  • Reintroducing passion back into the marriage
  • Developing a firm partnership in parenting or working together to achieve goals
  • Gaining an appreciation of the biological and psychological differences between men and women when it comes to issues such as intimacy.
  • Learning effective negotiation skills—how to navigate the others’ hot buttons and agree to disagree.
  • Communicating honestly and openly in a way that makes a difference
  • Experiencing the Word of God
  • Learning how confessing to and praying for one another is a lifelong journey for which Christian counseling can begin to equip you.

 

Change is a hard process. There will be pain but it is productive and purposeful pain. It is not the pain of accepting life in a marriage that doesn’t work–this pain has no purpose, it just is. This is the way God is refining you, working you and molding you to be more like him. Through it, you can experience healing in your marriage. You can experience the true joy of marriage as God designed. This is what Christian marriage counseling is all about.

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

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Erik Mildes

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor
(425) 939-9934 erik@seattlechristiancounseling.com

I believe in the healing, transformative promises of Christ. I also believe in His patience, and have had the privilege of seeing God’s grace work miracles in the lives of my clients. As a Master’s level Mental Health Counselor, I’m honored to act as a vessel for the Lord, one that will help you discover healing and growth. I help people recover from issues like abuse, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, spiritual concerns, and more. Whatever you’re going through, I offer you support, experience, and hope for a new, Christ-filled future. Read more articles by Erik »

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About Erik

Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes, LMHC, MA

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor

I believe in the healing, transformative promises of Christ. I also believe in His patience, and have had the privilege of seeing God’s grace work miracles in the lives of my clients. As a Master’s level Mental Health Counselor, I’m honored to act as a vessel for the Lord, one that will help you discover healing and growth. I help people recover from issues like abuse, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, spiritual concerns, and more. Whatever you’re going through, I offer you support, experience, and hope for a new, Christ-filled future. View Erik's Profile

Recent articles by Erik

  • May 19 · 5 Practical Steps to Overcome Your Fear of Abandonment
  • Apr 20 · Surviving Infidelity: 8 Steps to Affair Recovery
  • Jun 17 · Four Bible Verses about Anxiety: Scriptures to Comfort You
See all articles by Erik »

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  • Marriage Counseling
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    Washington

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    10116 Main St,, Suite 204 Bothell, WA 98011

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