How to Control Anger in a Relationship

Do you want to know how to control anger in a relationship? Whether in your marriage, family, workplace, or another scenario, learning to control your anger will help every relationship you have. You can learn to control it with help from a qualified Christian counselor.

The Roots of Anger

Most of us grew up in families that didn’t know how to handle anger well. In your home, maybe people exploded with anger and damaged others with their words and actions. Or perhaps your parents taught you to sweep anger under the rug and never discuss it again. It’s also possible that you grew up learning how to leak anger out with passive aggression. Yet none of these methods are healthy.

To get control of your anger in a relationship, it’s essential to deal with the roots of anger. When you understand how you learned to handle it and what made you angry as a child, you can start to reprogram your thoughts and behaviors. To gain perspective on the roots of your anger, you can meet with a skilled Christian counselor.

Reasons to Control Your Anger

You’ve probably already learned that anger takes a toll on your relationships. No matter what type of anger style you have, you can probably recall times when people distanced themselves from you due to your anger.

Blowing up, seething silently, or manipulating others to get revenge are all dynamics that cause rifts in relationships. You may be reading this because you have suffered due to strain or loss in your relationships. But if you learn to control your anger, you have hope for repairing and rebuilding relationships.

We pay a heavy price in our mental, emotional, and physical health for our anger. Angry thoughts can keep you from concentrating on important tasks or empathizing with others. They can cancel out positive thoughts and steal your potential.

The greater the number of angry thoughts you have, the greater the negative impact is on your body. It can disrupt your sleep, cause your heart rate to become irregular, raise your blood pressure, make you gain weight, instigate digestive issues, and more. When anger goes untreated it can also turn into depression. Due to the effects, it has on your body, you have many reasons to get your anger under control.

Our spiritual health is also affected by anger. When we allow anger to overtake our emotions and fail to address deeper issues like fear, hurt, and injustice, it can easily turn into sinful thoughts and actions, which may set up barriers between us and God. Sometimes we may even blame our anger on God because of our sins. If you are experiencing problems like these, a compassionate Christian counselor can help you get back on track with God, yourself, and others.

How to Control Anger in a Relationship

If you are intentional about handling your anger, you can master it and turn your relationships around. Try putting these tips into practice when you feel angry.

Remember that God is slow to anger.

God could show his anger toward you for many reasons, but instead, he chooses to show you mercy, love, and forgiveness. Learn to emulate his example in your relationships.

Since God is holy and we are not, he has many reasons to be angry at us. But he is slow to anger, showing us kindness and patience as we grow to be more like Christ, one day at a time. You can be slow to anger by refusing to let little things get under your skin. You can pick your battles and surrender the rest to God.

Use an online search engine to find Bible verses about self-control. By memorizing these verses, you’ll be reminded to practice self-control the next time your anger is triggered. This is a practical and powerful way to be slow to anger.

Be patient with others.

Your anger may often be stirred up by frustration. This is a common occurrence in our fast-paced world because slow situations can be frustrating. However, you can ask God to give you the gift of patience to help you avoid having your anger triggered.

If you find yourself in a slow situation, remember that it’s an ideal opportunity to practice patience. The moment you feel frustrated, pray and ask God to help you be patient. You can also pray for the person stirring up your frustration because prayer softens your heart toward others. With practice, you will learn to take initiative rather than simply reacting, and you’ll grow in patience toward others.

Choose empathy.

Empathy is one of the keys to learning how to control anger in a relationship. When you empathize with another person, it’s much harder to react to them in anger. With empathy, you try to view the world through their eyes and identify with their feelings. This takes a few intentional moments of thought, which can slow you down when your anger is triggered.

The other person likely has a different way of handling anger than you do, and a different personality that informs their anger style. When you take time to learn how the other person is wired to handle anger, you can respond with kindness and support instead of defensiveness.

Confront with care.

Confrontation is a necessary skill in relationships. It can be a good way to infuse a relationship with health. However, if a confrontation involves anger, it can lead to division in relationships. A Christian counselor can coach you on how to handle confrontations with care, taking time to understand the situation from many different angles.

In counseling sessions, you may engage in role-playing on how to confront without becoming angry. This will help you see that caring confrontation is possible and beneficial. Counseling will help remove any possible blind spots and help you navigate challenging conversations.

Take practical steps in the heat of the moment.

In the heat of the moment, it’s important to have several tips in your arsenal to be prepared against reacting in anger. Memorize these tips so you won’t be tempted to explode, simmer in resentment, or let anger seep out in passive aggression.

• Step away, saying “I need a quick break.”
• Breathe deeply for ten breaths.
• Count to twenty while you work on calming down.
• Take a short walk to process stress hormones.
• Punch a pillow or scream into it.
• Refuse to say the first thing that comes into your mind.
• Plan neutral responses, such as “I’ll think about that” or “That’s interesting”
• Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements to reduce defensiveness
• Practice self-care to manage chronic anger triggers

These little steps can make a big difference if you have them ready to go when you are triggered. Since your brain can’t think clearly in a heated moment, having these practical steps ready will give you something to do right away and help you practice self-control. These actions can guard your relationships from greater harm.

When You Have Anger Issues

If you have anger issues, you can overcome them with God’s help. It’s never too late to learn different ways of relating when you are angry. Getting to the heart of your issues can help a great deal, as well as practicing ways to handle your anger in heated moments.

A caring Christian counselor can help you deal with anger issues. While working with your counselor, you’ll experience freedom from the bonds in which anger has held you captive. Contact us today to learn how we can help you control anger in a relationship.