5 Practices for ADHD Anger Issues in Adults

Adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may find that, as they get older, their symptoms wane. However, other adults discover that symptoms remain about the same.

In addition to inattentive and hyperactive ADHD, there a combined ADHD. This type comes with symptoms from each of the other two types. Some ADHD anger issues may be included in those symptoms. Other issues may be inattention, impulsivity, lack of patience, forgetfulness, disorganization, losing things, struggling to remember important dates and/or meetings at work, or even restlessness.

If you have identified ADHD anger as a possible struggle, there is hope. These four practices can help you learn to manage triggering situations better.

Recognizing ADHD anger, understanding the connection between ADHD and anger, paying attention to your triggers, finding new ways to cope, and remaining optimistic are all helpful tools.

How to recognize ADHD anger

Not everyone who experiences a bad day or lashes out because of frustration has ADHD. Most adults have anger or impulsivity struggles occasionally. But if your anger occurs regularly and you have other symptoms of ADHD, it’s important to talk with a trained mental health counselor about the ongoing issues.

Struggling with emotional dysregulation can be a symptom of ADHD or something else because some adults who have an ADHD diagnosis will also have other mood disorders. It’s important if you recognize these symptoms, and you’re already aware of an ADHD diagnosis, to talk with a professional counselor. Our offices have many who can help.

Some research suggests that about 70% of adults with ADHD have some level of emotional dysregulation, which is a struggle with managing strong emotions. Children and teens with ADHD may also find emotional regulation difficult.

Consistent patterns of these symptoms may suggest emotional dysregulation:

• You feel like you’re always in a bad mood or irritable.
• A sudden influx of anger rushes in when you experience frustration related to a goal or an attempt to do something. You may be trying to open the lid of a jar or reach a work-related goal. If you’re experiencing strong anger because of it, it’s worth noting.
• It’s easy to miss other people’s feelings or even misunderstand what someone else’s emotions signify.
• Your go-to emotion is sadness or anger. You find it more difficult to express emotions such as joy, excitement, or confidence.
• You find it difficult to explain why you are angry, which can compound the frustration.
• You’re experiencing explosions of anger that are disproportionate to the inciting incident. In other words, your level of anger or impatience is not consistent with the reason behind it.

Understanding the connection between ADHD and anger

The preceding list may have felt a little too close to home. If that is the case, don’t worry. Understanding the connection between ADHD and anger may ease your mind.

People with ADHD tend to struggle with some level of impulsiveness. They also tend to experience emotions more intensely. These two factors combined mean that many children and adults with ADHD communicate their irritability right away. However, some teens learn to manage this as they grow into adulthood.

Another area where ADHD and anger are connected is in frustration response. Known as frustration tolerance, many who have ADHD can grow frustrated quickly and easily, especially if they intend to reach an objective or goal. The frustration they feel is heightened and quicker than someone without ADHD, so it can escalate to anger easily.

It is unknown if poor self-esteem is a contributor to anger in some with ADHD, but it is a possibility. Those who were diagnosed as children may struggle with academics or be told they are unable to do something enough times that they develop poor self-esteem.

If not talked through and managed with a counselor when they are young, these children and teens can grow into adulthood with low levels of confidence. This can make it hard to sustain friendships and can contribute to relational issues such as marital strife, difficulties as a parent, and struggles with co-workers.

Understanding that you are not alone or isolated in your struggle with anger is paramount. You can discover what your triggers are and find healthy ways to respond.

Paying attention to your triggers

ADHD anger triggers may not be as obvious as you think. This makes it important to think through any episodes of previous angry outbursts or emotional reactions that led to heightened anger. These will help you identify your specific triggers, which may differ from other adults with ADHD.

One such trigger could be the restless energy that some feel at varying times of the day. Not having healthy outlets for your restless energy may spill over into anger easily because the energy isn’t well managed.

An example may be that each morning you wake up supercharged with energy, but because it’s early or others in your family or office cannot match your energy level, it’s easy to become frustrated. This can turn to anger quickly.

One solution might be to set up a routine of exercise each morning. This can give you a healthy way to direct your restless energy before you interact with family members or coworkers.

Another trigger for your ADHD anger may be a particular relationship between your frustration or anger and something you’ve tried to achieve. For example, if you notice that you get easily angered every time you try to hold yourself accountable to a high-stakes goal such as losing weight quickly, reaching an above-average goal at work, or finishing a complex home task quickly, it’s time to pay attention.

Giving yourself gentler goals, ones where you build in time to fail and try again, can be helpful. Or if this pattern persists because of a specific line of work, it may be time to evaluate your career choice. Consider whether you have chosen a career because you enjoy it and comes with the right amount of challenge or if it is unsustainable.

If it’s a career where you feel overly stretched most of the time, it’s a good opportunity to evaluate what may be a better role for you in the same company or perhaps try a new field.

Just like a car can switch gears from neutral to drive one or drive two, irritability and frustration can escalate to anger and even aggression. If you find that you switch from mild frustration to aggressive anger quickly, ask yourself what may be aggravating that gear to move so quickly.

Is it that you are struggling to accept the reality of what’s happening such as a let-down at work, a child who made a mistake, or a spouse who can’t make it to something important to you? It helps to pause, admit to yourself that you are disappointed or upset about something, and then evaluate it.

Good questions to ask yourself include:

What is the worst that can happen in this situation?

Often, the worst possible outcome does not happen, but even if it does, you are prepared to respond appropriately rather than in an uncontrolled manner.

How am I feeling right now?

Consider your physical responses as well as your emotional ones.

What is the true nature of my negative emotions?

Is it sadness, disappointment, fear, frustration, or simply something circumstantial such as a lack of sleep or a particularly stressful life change?

Once you start to be more mindful of your triggers, you’ll be able to move to the fourth practice: finding new ways to cope.

Finding new ways to cope

Discovering what works for you can feel like trial and error, but don’t give up. You will probably find a mixture of tools and strategies to help you cope with ADHD anger.

Many of these are common to anyone struggling with anger, not just those who have ADHD. But for people who have ADHD and want the help of a trained counselor, these include cognitive behavioral therapy, lifespan integration therapy, or self-regulation training.

Seeing a counselor is a great idea for anyone, not just if you have an ADHD diagnosis. Other counselor-recommended coping mechanisms include meditative practices such as Scripture meditation, breathing exercises, and getting parent-focused help if you struggle to regulate your emotions when relating with your child.

Exercise, stretching, listening to soothing music, taking a walk in the driveway, and/or letting yourself think about how you’re truly feeling are all helpful at the moment when you start to feel frustrated, impatient, or angry. These are also practices to help lower stress, which can aggravate anger issues.

Remain optimistic

With ADHD anger, it can feel overwhelming to change your response to anything that may trigger irritation or angry responses. However, try to remember that just as other goals take time and continual practice, so does learning to respond differently.

Try to talk to yourself as you would a young child who is frustrated by learning to tie his or her shoes. You likely would not want to speak discouragingly to the child or degrade his or her efforts. Remain positive toward yourself and change your inner dialogue. It helps to keep trying to recognize triggers, incorporate new practices and coping mechanisms, and get help when you need it.

Reach out to one of our offices today. We can help you find a counselor to walk this road with you or help you when you need a little encouragement.