How to Deal with Anger Issues in Your Relationships

Have you ever been in a situation where it felt as if the air was thick with possibility, and things could go haywire at any moment? It could be at a kid’s birthday party, at church, at a movie theater, or at the checkout counter at your local store. The tension is palpable; you can tell that one or more people are angry about something, and the situation could erupt at any second. Such situations feel uncomfortable to be in, if not downright unsafe.

Anger is such a common emotion, and it’s one that people display in a wide variety of ways. People get triggered by all sorts of things, and it’s not easy to predict how they’ll respond when that happens.

It’s challenging enough when you encounter anger on the freeway, at work, online, or when you’re minding your business while watching your child at the skate park. What about when that anger is in your home daily? What if you’re the angry one?

There will always be things that can trigger anger, and that’s not changing anytime soon. It is an essential life skill to know how to manage anger in everyday life, especially in your relationships.

What are anger issues?

Is there a difference between experiencing anger and having anger issues? What triggers your anger won’t be the same as what triggers someone else, and factors like how much sleep you’ve had or whether you’ve already been provoked will influence how you’ll respond on a given day.

It’s one thing to feel and express anger, and quite another to have anger issues. Having anger issues means that you’re caught up in a pattern of behavior where you struggle to contain your anger, and you express it in ways that are destructive for you and the people around you.

In other words, having anger issues means that anger has a grip on you and your life, and it’s causing damage in your life.

Some Signs of Anger Issues

To better identify anger issues in a person’s life, it may be helpful to give some examples and highlight some signs to look out for.

Angry outbursts Jim finds himself having intense or frequent anger outbursts. Often, the emotion that Jim experiences is anger, and he feels it so intensely that he struggles to contain it.

Irritability and short fuses Amber has a high-pressure job that places many demands on her. Perhaps it’s the pressure of the job, but she is frequently irritable and short-tempered. Sometimes, even the smallest mistakes that people on her team make set her off, and at other times, she simply finds herself feeling prickly without good cause.

Verbal and physical aggression When Tom feels angry, it typically ends with him yelling, cursing, or manhandling whoever it is that made him angry. The anger feels hard to control, and it bubbles up inside him until it bursts out. Sometimes he finds himself acting this way toward his kids, or even perfect strangers, frightening them.

Holding onto anger Susan finds that after she’s become angry, she struggles to calm down, and she can carry that anger with her throughout the day. In addition, when she’s angry, she often doesn’t say it out loud.

Instead, she uses sarcastic comments to cut others down. Anger issues are also present when a person can’t calm themselves easily, and when they resort to passive-aggressive behavior like sulking or being sarcastic instead of expressing the anger clearly.

Legal trouble and risky behavior If your anger motivates illegal or dangerous behavior, that’s problematic. Additionally, you may have broken relationships on account of anger or said things on multiple occasions in anger that you later regret.

Anger issues thus manifest themselves in various ways, but they are largely concerned with anger being in control of your life, and not the other way around. If the way you express your anger causes harm to yourself or others, you are angry a lot, and you can’t express your anger in a calm, clear, and direct way, then anger has the upper hand in your life.

Dealing with Anger Issues in Your Relationships

If anger is a problem in your life, it will affect you in numerous ways. Not only can excessive anger lead you into legal problems or broken relationships, but it can also negatively affect your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Being angry physically strains your body, and that can lead to a weakened immune system, heart problems, increased risk of diabetes, and increased anxiety and depression.

When it comes to dealing with anger issues in your relationships, there are at least two ways of taking this. If you are the one with anger issues, there are steps you can take to work through those issues so that they don’t impact your relationships severely, and you begin to have a healthy relationship with anger.

If it’s your loved ones with anger issues, there are ways to support them on the journey to emotional health.

First, then, is how to deal with a loved one’s anger issues. Most likely, if your loved one has anger issues, you or other people in your circle have experienced that anger, whether it’s from passive-aggressive behavior or violence.

Some ways to come alongside them include the following:

Name the issues It’s important that their anger issues are named as such, and for you not to make excuses on their behalf. It doesn’t help them when you accommodate unhealthy anger and call it something it isn’t. We all have bad days, but a succession of bad days followed by unhealthy anger points to anger issues.

Improve your communication Where you can, you can help your loved one by improving the communication in the relationship. If your loved one is angry, take the time to listen carefully to what they are saying, to understand their perspective. Just because someone can’t control their anger doesn’t disqualify them from having a valid point.

Another part of improving communication is to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements when expressing your concerns. This helps to avoid coming across as being accusatory, which tends to inflame tempers. Lastly, for your well-being, you can avoid taking their anger personally or becoming defensive.

Encourage healthy coping mechanisms There are many ways to deal effectively with anger, and you can encourage your loved one to try one of these.

These include exercise, which helps reduce stress and anxiety, relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing, and taking up hobbies and enjoyable activities that help them stay calm and turn their focus away from anger triggers.

Set clear boundaries In all of this, you should remember that you aren’t responsible for another person’s emotions or for how they respond to those emotions. While you do your part to help, you shouldn’t blame yourself for how they respond or act.

It’s important to set and communicate clear boundaries with your loved one. Boundaries help to protect you and maintain your well-being.

Setting and communicating boundaries helps your loved one understand behaviors that are and aren’t acceptable, and the consequences. For instance, if they start shouting or raising their voice, you will walk away from the conversation. Boundaries help you prioritize self-care so that you can take care of your emotional well-being.

Having a loved one with anger issues whom you’re trying to help can be emotionally draining. Your well-being matters, and you should take care of it. You should also seek support, such as counseling, to help you process your own emotions as well as equip you with effective strategies to deal with the situation.

Encourage them to get help Anger issues can be deeply rooted in past trauma or other experiences that have shaped your loved one to deal inappropriately with anger.

A professional, like a counselor, therapist, or psychologist, can help your loved one identify and understand the underlying issues that are fueling their anger issues. They can also receive help with developing and using effective coping mechanisms.

You can also suggest that your loved one attend an anger management support group. These meet online and in person, and your loved one can do what best suits them.

When it comes to addressing your own anger issues, much the same applies as if you were trying to help a loved one. Self-awareness and ownership of your anger issues are important and a necessary first step to getting the help you need. It’s essential to learn coping skills like deep breathing and taking steps like walking away when you feel yourself getting angry.

Through therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy, you can identify the thought processes that contribute to your anger. Reach out for help, and your counselor can help you develop a healthy relationship with yourself and with your anger.

To learn more and to schedule an assessment, contact our office today.