5 More Topics to Consider Before You Marry

Part 2 of a 2-Part Premarital Counseling Series

As a certified Prepare and Enrich facilitator, one of the aspects of my job that I enjoy the most is working with pre-married and pre-engaged couples. I feel that premarital counseling gives me the opportunity to help couples take preventative measures against some of the problems that bring them into counseling later in life. That energizes me as a counselor. When we make the exciting decision to get married, we spend so much time, money, and energy planning and preparing for that special day. Yes, your venue, photographer, and catering are important decisions. Yet it is of far greater importance to invest some of your resources into planning and preparing for the lifetime of living, learning, and growing together that follows the big day.

This is the second article in a two-part series on the topic of premarital counseling. In my work with engaged (and pre-engaged) couples, I like to focus our work on 10 key areas that every couple should carefully consider as they prepare for their future life together. In my first article, I discussed the importance of addressing conflict resolution, personality and habits, communication, hobbies and leisure time, and finances. What follows is an overview of the next five areas of focus for premarital counseling.

Sex and Affection

Most couples agree that their physical relationship is a high priority for both partners. Premarital counseling should enable you to acquire a level of comfort in discussing issues around sexuality and affection together. How well do you know your partner’s sexual history? How did your family handle the topic of sex growing up? Who taught you what you know about your gender and your sexuality? What is your view of pornography? What role does affection play in your sex life? How was affection expressed in your family of origin? The answers to questions such as these are important to discuss prior to marriage.

Roles and Responsibilities

Who is responsible for setting the spiritual and emotional tone in your household? Have you discussed how the daily responsibilities of running the household will be divided? Who will be responsible for keeping the finances balanced? Who does the dishes? Who does the laundry? Who does the grocery shopping? How will the major purchasing, saving, and investment decisions be made? Questions such as these should be discussed during premarital counseling. View the counseling process as an opportunity for ironing out as many of the details concerning household and relationship roles and responsibilities as possible. This will enable you to enter your marriage with an agreed upon set of expectations about what each of you are responsible for.

How Will You Parent Together?

Premarital counseling provides a great opportunity to discuss and agree upon your plans for parenting and child rearing. Do you both want children? Are you open to adoption? How many children do you want? Have you discussed birth control? What are your views on discipline? In what ways do you each want to parent in ways that are similar to, or different from, the parents who raised you? What values and boundaries do you hope to instill in your own children? If these issues are not open to discussion they can become opportunities for some serious conflict later in life. Premarital counseling is a perfect opportunity for opening the lines of communication and identifying areas of agreement and opportunities for compromise.

Spirituality in Your Marriage

Premarital counseling should provide opportunities for you to examine the compatibility of your spirituality. Have you sat down as a couple and talked about your individual (and collective) spiritual beliefs? Are any of your beliefs incompatible? Do you come from similar or different religious backgrounds? Will religion or faith play a role in your future household? What sort of spiritual disciplines will you engage in individually and/or together? Where do you find hope and meaning during difficult times? Spiritual agreement can provide a strong foundation for your relationship.

Friends and Family

This is an often-overlooked area for most premarital counselors, but I have seen that it can become a source of conflict unless there is an open dialogue about your friends and family. Are you both comfortable with the kinds of friends with whom your partner associates? Do you have any concerns about any of his or her social relationships or activities? Are opposite-gender friendships a problem? What role might introversion or extroversion play in your relationship with each other and with others outside your marriage? Moreover, how close and connected is your partner with his or her family of origin? How do you desire those relationships to look after you’re married? How much influence will your in-laws have on your relationship? All of these questions are potential points for disruption and division.

Christian Counseling as You Prepare for Marriage

If you and your partner are currently engaged (or are considering the possibility of getting engaged), I would welcome the opportunity to help you prepare for marriage. As a certified premarital counselor, I can help you identify the strengths in your relationship as well as the areas that provide opportunities to grow closer together.

Christian Counseling is an excellent place to start the process of preparing for your future marriage. With the help of a good Christian counselor, you can find answers to your questions about marriage and can begin to build a strong foundation for your relationship. If you wish to explore more about the counseling process, please do not hesitate to contact us at Seattle Christian Counseling. I would be delighted to partner with you as you enter this challenging and important season of your lives together. To learn more about my services, please click here.