Caring for Ill Parents Gracefully: Advice from a Christian Counselor, Part 2

Part 2 of a 2-Part Caring for Ill Parents Series

Last month I wrote an article about the common reasons why children are called to care for their parents, and the risk factors that go with being a caregiver. Whether we become responsible for the care of our parents in our sixties or twenties, there are both emotional and physical challenges that come along with being a caregiver. Now I would like to take time to explain how Christian counseling can help and what the counseling process might look like when focusing on your relationship with an ill parent.

How Can Christian Counseling Help a Caregiver?

For many people, the hardest part of being a caregiver  is recognizing that they also need support and encouragement. Many caregivers shelve their own needs, plans, and hopes in order to ensure the health and functioning of their loved one. One of the first things I do with clients is to acknowledge the challenge before them and allow space for their frustration, anger, sadness, or grief. I have heard numerous clients ask, “Why can’t they just be the parent?” In the process of working through these things, I want to maintain a sense of respect and admiration for the parent. My goal is not to tear them down, but rather to understand where they are coming from so they can better navigate the relationship. For some clients, this is the first time they are able to find a voice in their relationship with their parents.

Navigating the Changes in Your Relationship

It is also important to grieve the loss of what once was. Your parent may no longer be able to offer the physical or emotional support they used to. They may not remember certain important events or be able engage in everyday conversation. In many cases, their functioning may continue to decrease as time goes on. After spending some time processing grief and reflecting on the past, we will focus on the current level of need, your time and resources, and the emotional impact of caregiving. We will also spend time developing coping skills for the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Adapting Your Communication to a Changed Situation

Educating and enhancing communication skills with parents and health care professionals are two other important aspects in the counseling process. Oftentimes we need to adjust past communication patterns in order to accommodate the mental and physical changes happening to the parent. If your parent is suffering from mental illness, there are helpful resources available that many people are unaware of. The National Alliance of Mental Illness is an amazing resource across the country and especially in the Seattle area for those suffering from mental illness or for those closest to them. NAMI offers hundreds of support groups across the Puget Sound for all issues. For people in this situation, it can be wonderful to hear from and be supported by people facing similar struggles.

Caring for a loved one can be an honoring and challenging process. The Lord calls us to care for and love our neighbors under all circumstances. My hope is to create a space for the caregivers to feel supported, heard, and understood as they face the daily ups and downs of their role. We will all be called to care-give in some form throughout our lives and I encourage you to seek support when that day comes.

Christian Counseling Can Support You as You Care for Your Loved One

If you have been struggling with the many mixed emotions that the changing roles in your family evoke, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Christian counseling can help you in your feelings of inadequacy so that you are better able to care for your loved one . Our risk-free initial session can turn into a few sessions or several months of growth and exploration. The counseling process can cater for your specific needs and struggles. One of the biggest honors of my life is reminding people of their worth found in God.

References
Flori, D.E. (2002, July/August). Clinical Update: Caregiving for the Elderly. Family Therapy Magazine, 1(4), 36-42.

Photos
“Senior Woman Pushing Her Disabled Husband on Wheelchair” courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat, FreeDigitalPhotos.net, ID #100246693; “Ramp Access Sign” courtesy of artur84 FreeDigitalPhotos.net, ID #100152012