Caring For Ill Parents Gracefully: Advice from a Christian Counselor, Part 1

Part 1 of a 2-Part Caring for Ill Parents Series

Are You Dealing With Aging Parents?

There are millions of resources on how to be a parent and on parenting your child, but where are the books on being a son or daughter? Specifically as an adult? I have recently seen an increase in the number of clients who are working to either care for or just be in relationship with their parents. For some, this means providing support from a few states away or possibly visiting several times a week to offer assistance. After moving out of the teen years, when, most likely, you were tolerating your parents, you enter an interesting season of life where the roles begin to change. This might involve caring for a parent’s physical needs or finally taking a stand against some unhealthy relational patterns. For some, the transition into caregiver begins in their fifties or sixties, but for others it begins as early as their twenties. No matter your age or previous relationship with your parent, this can be a challenging transition to navigate on your own.

Caring for an Aging Parent

According to an article by D.E. Flori titled “Clinical Update: Caregiving for the Elderly ,” approximately twenty-five percent of American households are providing care to adults who are fifty years and older. Flori also notes that caregivers for those sixty-five years and older provide around twenty hours care per week. “Adult children account for the largest proportion of caregivers, forty-two percent; followed by spouses, twenty-five percent. ” (Flori, 2002) Whether you are a full-time student, employed part time, or at home with the kids, these extra hours can add up quickly and create unwanted stress. Some of the common mental and physical ailments that create these situations are:

• Dementia
• Cancer
• Bipolar
• Alzheimer Disease
• Strokes
• Physical disabilities due to accidents

 

Who Takes on the Caregiver Responsibility?

Flori also states: “On average, caregivers to those over sixty-five years of age provide twenty hours of assistance per week. Caregivers lose wages and pension benefits, forgo promotions, and reduce work commitments in order to continue care. The economic value of this care was estimated to be $196 billion in 1997, and this was $100 billion more than was spent on home health care and nursing home care combined in 1997 (National Academy On An Aging Society, 2000).” (2002) The added physical, emotional, and mental responsibility for caregivers can bring unwanted risks to the wellbeing of the caregiver. This is particularly true when caring for someone who is severely disabled mentally or physically.

Some of the common questions that come with this life transition include:

• How can we afford all the bills?
• Am I the only one going through this?
• How can I still honor my parents while caring for them?
• What if something happens to me? Who will care for them?

 

Implications of Caring for Aging Parents

This concern comes up often in counseling because of the impact caregiving can have on the caregiver’s own wellbeing. Most of the attention is given to the person receiving care, but there are many risk factors for the caregiver as well. These risks may include: a higher risk of depression and anxiety, greater use of psychotropic drugs, physical health problems, poor immune function, poorer wound healing, or upper respiratory infections. These physical and mental health concerns not only affect your ability to care for your ailing family member, but they also affect your ability to complete everyday tasks in your own life. I have worked with full-time college students who also carry the burden of supporting their ill parent. The stress of full-time school is usually enough to fill the plate of any eighteen year-old, but adding the responsibility of managing their parent’s care can become anxiety producing.

The importance of also focusing on the caregivers’ needs can be seen in the advice often given by flight attendants. My mom is a flight attendant and she now knows more than I will ever know about flight safety and emergency procedures. One of the first things a flight attendant instructs passengers to do is: “In the case of an emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you.” This scenario is true in our everyday lives as well. If we are not caring for our own physical, emotional, and mental health, we won’t be much help to those around us. So take my mom’s advice and ensure your “oxygen mask” is working properly.

Christian Counseling Can Support You as You Care for Your Loved One

In my next article, I will discuss how Christian counseling can help those who find themselves in the new role of caregiver. However much you love your parent, being a caregiver is a demanding task and you do need support. You need to find ways of ensuring that your oxygen mask is firmly in place so that you are able to care for your loved one appropriately. A trained Christian counselor can be an enormous support as you navigate this role, and the counseling process can be tailored to cater for your specific needs and struggles.

 

References
Flori, D.E. (2002, July/August). Clinical Update: Caregiving for the Elderly. Family Therapy Magazine, 1(4), 36-42.

Photos
“Young Girl Kissing Her Mom,” courtesy of David Castillo Dominici, FreeDigitalPhotos.net, ID #10064522; “Hands Touching,” courtesy of worradmu, FreeDigitalPhotos.net, ID#10035106