Defeating Sexual Addiction: A Christian Counselor’s Three-Step Plan

It never ceases to amaze me how courageous people can be. Owning up to secret and embarrassing behaviors requires tremendous bravery and grit – especially when these are sexually compulsive or addictive behaviors. Many of the clients who come into my office wrestle with guilt and shame about their behavior. But they are taking huge steps towards confronting and owning their own brokenness. When I see these valiant folks displaying such fortitude, I am always inspired and encouraged by it.

I have learned through experience that struggling against an addiction is like waging war. It is a battle in every sense of the word and the stakes are substantial. In many cases, the very future of my clients hangs in the balance. Their families, their character, their integrity, and the health of their own soul hangs is at stake. This is a battle that cannot be taken lightly and a fight that cannot be won in isolation. It requires rigor, community and a willingness to surrender. It is not easy. But it is unquestionably worth the sacrifice and the risk.

How Do You Begin to Tackle Sexual Addiction?

So where does one begin? What does one need to do in order to break free? In his workbook The Seven Pillars of Freedom, Dr. Ted Roberts has developed one of the most helpful and concise programs for overcoming sexual addiction that I have ever seen. He challenges those who wish to find freedom and live a life of purity to accept what he calls a “Covenant to Contend.” This covenant involves a list of things that one must choose to do, accept and commit oneself to.  Read this list that is adapted from his workbook and ask yourself if you are willing to these things.

What You Must Do?

• Attend a small group every week.
• Initiate a conversation with a member of your group at least three times per week.
• Commit yourself to living your life on God’s terms instead of your own.
• Pay close attention to what you view, listen to and think about.
• Take ownership of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
• Verbally describe your feelings.

What You Must Accept?

• Healing is a process and it takes time, possibly even years.
• Healing requires that you feel your pain and learn from it.
• You are fully capable of falling back into your addictive behaviors.
• Relapse does not stop the healing process but it does have consequences.
• You have become very good at lying to others and to yourself.
• You don’t live in isolation – your choices impact other people.
• Your secrecy keeps you in bondage to your sin.

What You Must Commit To?

• A willingness to change and to follow through on what you need to do to change.
• Unhesitating respect for the confidentiality and anonymity of your group.
• Rigorous honesty with God, your group and yourself – and eventually with your friends and family.
• A new lifestyle of continuous learning via books, CDs, podcasts, seminars and so on.
• Reading scripture and praying.
• Adhering to a biblical standard of sexual purity in your life.
• Having sobriety as your goal.

You Cannot Find Recovery from Sexual Addiction on Your Own

If you are able to consider this list as a serious option in your life, then you are probably at the point where change is possible. Are there any items in the list that you find troubling or that seem unreasonable or even impossible for you? If so, this might be the perfect time to seek out a professional Christian counselor and to ask for help as you consider these things. Remember that nobody finds healing or recovery in isolation, for they are only possible when you are connected to others and in relationship with them. Recovery may feel impossible because it is impossible if you are alone. But if you open yourself up to others and take the courageous step of asking for help, recovery and healing becomes possible. By reaching out and engaging in the process, you will begin a journey to freedom that you won’t regret.

Christian Counseling Can Help You Break Free of Sexual Addiction

If you are one of an increasing number of people currently struggling with sexual behavior, it is very important to know that you are not alone. You are just one of the rare individuals who actually has the courage to be honest about it and to look for help! There is hope for you and change is possible.

The Christian counseling process is about redemption and the restoration of the soul. It is grounded in the belief in a personal and living God and in the experience of the abundant life that Jesus came to offer us. I find nothing more exciting  than witnessing how this abundant life becomes real in the lives of those with whom I work. You may not feel able to believe that change is possible right now and that’s OK. But with the help of a good Christian counselor, you (and your spouse) can begin to find the solutions that you are seeking. If you wish to explore more about the counseling process, please do not hesitate to contact me at Seattle Christian Counseling. I would be delighted to partner with you as you enter this challenging and important healing process. To learn more about our services, please click here.

 

References
Roberts, T (2009). Seven Pillars of Freedom. Pure Desire Ministries International; Gresham, OR. (pp. 111-118)

Photos
Images are from morguefile.com: Freedom Balloon.jpg; Free Man.jpg