Discovering Grace: A Christian Counselor Reflects on the Power of Honest Feedback

Often our perception of ourselves is false, and we need others to remind us who we are and the powerful impact we can have on this world.

Recently, on an average rainy day in Seattle, I was watching my daughter play at an undercover play area. As she played, I noticed a vibrant, outgoing, blonde-haired little boy running around the play area. As he ran, he laughed and engaged others in a very easy-going and natural way. He seemed to be friends with everyone.

“So sweet,” I thought to myself.

My daughter was having a great time, going down the slide over and over again and climbing all over the play structure. I sighed, as I realized this was one of the first times all day I had sat my eight-month-pregnant-self down. I also realized how deeply tired I felt.

I Want to See You

Before getting out of the car, I had grabbed my sunglasses thinking, “I might need these if just to disguise my puffy eyes.”

As I leaned my head back and soaked in a restful moment, a little voice from out of nowhere said: “Take your glasses off.”

A bit startled, I looked down to see that little blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy. I smiled and said something like, “Well, aren’t you a friendly guy,” trying to distract him from his demand.

Undeterred, he repeated, “Take your glasses off!”

I looked around for his parents but they were engaged with his little sister, who was just as feisty and busy as he was.  So I asked, “Why?”

“I want to see you,” he said.

Vulnerability Enables Us to Engage with Others

It may sound strange, but in that moment, I felt vulnerable, insecure, in the spotlight. I did not want to come out of hiding to reveal my tired eyes. I felt unpresentable to the world – deficient for the day somehow. I did not feel strong or energetic enough to engage in the tasks at hand. Inwardly I was spiraling into a dark place without even being conscious of it.

This little boy called my attention to that present moment and my state of mind. And I did it. I took off my glasses and gave that curious and persistent little guy a big wide-eyed smile. He squealed with delight, jumped up a little, and then ran off.

I was touched. Somehow I felt newly accepted, enjoyed, grateful, and restored to a sense of purpose and well-being. That encounter reminded me that the point of being alive is to engage fully with others, with ourselves, with life, and with our Maker.

We Need Other People in Order to be Fully Alive

Often we become trapped in a negative mindset, and are not even based in reality, so we are not aware of those moments when life is just passing us by. We need outside help to capture our awareness, to engage us fully in whatever state we are in, to accept us as we are, and remind us that we are loved and delighted in. We need to practice living in the present moment.

Since that moment, I have been thinking about what it was exactly that made me feel vulnerable in the presence of that four-year-old boy. Maybe it is how unfiltered kids can be, saying whatever comes to their minds. On that particular day, I was feeling insecure already and feared that an honest response would confirm how unacceptable I felt I was.

Feedback in Christian Counseling Can Help You to Encounter Grace

As I ponder the impact of that moment, I consider grace. Our experience of vulnerability can open us to be more receptive to grace. I am hopeful that, as we gain a healthy curiosity about why we are the way we are and how we relate to others, we can grow into the humans we want to be.

I trust that the process of counseling can bring one to that place of curiosity and wonder. Christian counseling can be a space filled with grace: a space where you receive honest and open feedback, where you feel seen, and where you might even connect with God’s delight in you like never before.

Photos
Images from FreeDigitalPhotos.net: “You Lady Wearing Sunglasses,” courtesy of imagerymajestic, published on 15 October 2012, Stock Photo, Image ID: 100106772; “A Woman Jumping,” courtesy of Kongsky, published on 16 January 2011, Stock Photo – image ID: 10027101