Finding Support for Depression in Aging Women

The idea of eternal youth is a wildly popular narrative in fictional stories and legends. The legend of the Fountain of Youth, for example, was famously sought out by the Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon. He risked his life looking for a magical spring whose waters could restore youth and vitality to all who would drink it. In Tuck Everlasting, the fountain of youth is such a coveted secret that it creates all types of chaos.

Why are stories like these popular? On some level, most people wish they could retain their youthful energy and good looks forever.

The beauty industry figured out a long time ago that people, particularly women in Western cultures, are willing to part with their hard-earned cash for younger-looking, firmer skin, a youthful glow, and a firmer body. Every year, billions of dollars are spent on creams, serums, supplements, and sculpting tools that promise tighter skin, firmer bodies, and that elusive glow.

When all those creams and potions fail to work, many women have to face the hard, uncomfortable truth that they are aging. That can cause a wide assortment of emotional upheaval, even to the point of depression.

Is it society’s fault?

In many ways, society bears much of the responsibility for how women view themselves as they age. The mass media, which both influence and reflect cultural values, often promote the idea that youth equals beauty, which can make it difficult to grow older without confidence and self-doubt. Research says that “as few as 12% of older women are satisfied with their body size.” (Cameron et al, 2019)

Pick up a fashion magazine and flip through the pages. You’ll see models who have been airbrushed, strategically posed, and photoshopped. Each image is carefully curated and created. The models’ hair, makeup, and clothing are the product of a team of professionals who assure perfection with little regard to reality. The same goes for film, television, and social media messaging.

Western society seems to value beauty and youth above all, frequently neglecting deeper realities and spiritual well-being. At least that’s the message we get. How many overweight and elderly leading ladies can you think of?

Of course, some women have broken the mold and risen to prominence despite unrealistic standards, celebrating their natural, aging bodies. But even those women often face intense pressure to undergo plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures, and airbrushing.

There is such a heavy emphasis on flawlessness that anything outside of this narrow ideal is dismissed or overlooked. With all this emphasis on beauty and youth, it’s no wonder that when women age, they start to feel less valuable, less powerful, and less desirable.

Is it the body’s fault?

As a woman ages and menopause kicks in, the body changes. It’s inevitable. With hormone levels changing and metabolism slowing down, skin starts to sag and wrinkle, and body fat becomes increasingly difficult to combat. Aging happens to everyone. And no amount of cream or tonic can change it.

In addition to the obvious changes in appearance, there is the body’s natural slowdown. Arthritis may form, or you might develop diabetes. Or maybe your aging body is slower and achier than it used to be. Whatever the case, losing your youthful look and then dealing with related health issues can make women feel hopeless.

Mental health also changes as a person ages. Life stages such as caregiving for elderly parents, dealing with the death of a spouse, watching grown children move out, and other issues that come up after age fifty, can bring on a variety of mental health issues that a woman may not have had to deal with earlier in her life. With the ups and downs of menopause and other health-related issues in the mix, it might be more difficult to deal with life than it was in younger years.

Everything Changes

A hard-to-hear truth is that society treats traditionally attractive women differently than it does other groups. Women who fit the mold of traditional beauty are often offered free drinks at the coffeehouse or allowed to cut in line at the amusement park. They may be able to sweet-talk a boss into forgiving them for a transgression with more success than another coworker. It’s all a part of the “pretty privilege” that many young women get to experience.

What happens when this privilege begins to fade? As age creeps in and traditional physical beauty fades, so does this privilege. This can feel like a rug is pulled right out from underneath you. You’re still the same person inside, but the world doesn’t respond to you the way that it used to. And if your identity has been even partially tied to how others perceive you, that loss can be devastating.

God never changes

Ready for some good news? Society changes, bodies change, and even your role can change, but the one thing that never changes is God.

While the world values outward appearances, God values your heart. He sees beyond wrinkles, stretch marks, and gray hairs. He sees your intention, perseverance, and the soul that He crafted, not only the shell it’s housed in.

Psalm 71 provides words to a prayer that many of us pray as we age. “Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.” (Psalm 71:9, NIV) God promises that He does not abandon us in our old age.

Aging may strip you of some superficial things, but it can also bring about clarity and great reward. As you experience life, you will begin to understand what really matters to you. You can stop chasing what the world values and says you should be and start becoming who God created you to be: a wise, faithful, gentle, bold, and kind woman of God.

Therapy

Like legends and stories you grew up hearing, the search for the Fountain of Youth reminds us that lasting youthfulness can’t be found in a magical spring or even an expensive tube of cosmetic cream. Aging is a natural, God-designed cycle of life and something that we should embrace with grace rather than fear.

Still, knowing this is one thing, but embracing aging is another. Depression in aging women is real. The emotional toll of physical changes, role redefinition, and cultural pressure can be overwhelming.

Faith-based therapy can provide you with a place to process the grief you feel over your lost youth, identify changes in your body and mind, and help you unload the emotional weight of growing older. It can also provide a supportive environment to explore distorted thoughts or unresolved life experiences that have gone unaddressed.

God may not promise us smooth skin or boundless energy, but He does promise us gifts that are far more valuable and eternal. He offers you purpose, peace, and His companionship. And when you embrace that truth, you will start to shift your thinking about aging.

The Fountain of Youth

Your life goal shouldn’t be to stay young forever, but instead to grow older gracefully. Let your natural slowdown be a time to grow in your faith and God’s truth. And as you do, you will become more confident in who you are and in who He is.

The world might try to sell you some anti-aging serum and superficial ideals, but God invites you into something that is far more freeing. He is offering you the chance to live fully, not only in this season, but for eternity.

You might never find that legendary Fountain of Youth, but you can rest assured that you’re not invisible, no matter your age and no matter what the culture tells you. Your beauty is found in a heart inclined toward God.

You don’t have to face this season alone. Together, we can explore the feelings that come with aging and find hope and meaning. Call to learn more.