How to Control Anger Outbursts: 6 Practical Tips

Fire can be extremely useful. We use it to barbecue, to create ambience, to warm ourselves, to control how much damage wildfires do, and sometimes even for entertainment. It stays useful as long as it’s contained.

Anger is a little bit like that. It can be helpful as fuel to address things that are out of order, but it can also get out of control and cause a lot of damage. Being able to control anger is such a key life skill.

There are far too many clips online, as well as heartbreaking news stories that detail what happens when people let anger get the better of them. Scripture also has stories and wisdom aimed at helping us manage our anger well. Anger is such a deep human emotion, but the Lord can guide us to handle this and our other emotions in ways that honor Him and one another.

Seeing Through the Fog: What are anger outbursts?

Feelings of anger are natural, and they are part and parcel of the human experience. The Lord created us with this remarkable capacity to experience our world in several ways, and our emotions are part of that. Our anger, in particular, is closely connected to our capacity to respond to perceived threats, injustice, and frustrations. This has many benefits in a world where real threats and inconveniences do exist.

The problem comes in the fact that our hearts – this is what the Bible calls the center of our will, thoughts, and actions – have a bent in them that makes them unreliable guides (Jeremiah 17:9). We can perceive threats where there are none, and we can act in extreme ways when it isn’t warranted. Pharaoh, for instance, saw the Israelites as a threat when they weren’t, and he decided to enslave them (Exodus 1:1-14).

Anger can manifest in helpful ways, but it can also manifest as uncontrollable outbursts, which can wreak havoc in our lives and the lives of the people around us. It can wreck our relationships and spiritual well-being. An outburst of anger is a sudden, impulsive, and intense expression of rage, hostility, or frustration. It can include physical aggression, or it can take the form of giving someone a tongue-lashing.

Anger outbursts are usually disproportionate to whatever triggered them. They can look like a person shouting at a child because they didn’t quieten quickly enough. It can look like punching a stranger because they took the last pack of toilet paper on the shelf. It can look like taking a baseball bat to someone’s car because they were inconsiderate or cocky in their driving.

When a person has an angry outburst, this can be contrasted with controlled anger. Controlled anger can be constructive, helping you accomplish a goal or solve a problem. Anger outbursts, on the other hand, are destructive and impulsive acts that can cause a lot of damage to the individual and the people around them.

The Origins of Anger Outbursts

Where does an angry outburst come from? Does someone just wake up one morning and decide to blow up at their child or spouse? Understanding the origin of angry outbursts is helpful, and indeed crucial for finding healing. Anger outbursts often flow from a combination of factors that include the spiritual, emotional, and psychological aspects of ourselves.

Some of the reasons why we have anger outbursts include the following:

Feeling stressed and overwhelmed When you’re under pressure, whether from family conflict and obligations, work deadlines, or financial issues, that can prime you for an angry outburst by putting you in a volatile emotional state. When you’re under pressure, it’s harder to regulate your emotions, and it makes it easier to have an angry outburst.

Unresolved past hurt When people have hurt you, or you’ve experienced trauma or been involved in drawn-out and unresolved conflict, that can cause a build-up of emotions. These can become pent-up, boiling over unexpectedly in random situations and toward people who have nothing to do with these emotions. You can wind up redirecting your anger toward others in an angry outburst.

Hormonal imbalances Biological factors like a hormonal imbalance, neurological conditions like Parkinson’s, and certain mental health disorders can contribute to struggling to contain anger effectively. Depression in men, for instance, can have irritability and anger as symptoms.

Spiritual disconnection Not being grounded spiritually can leave you vulnerable to unchecked emotions. Being grounded in the Lord can help you see situations more clearly and wisely; it can help you see the long view as you trust that the Lord sees, knows, and will intervene. You don’t have to pursue vengeance on your terms because the Lord is just, and He will do justice (Romans 12:14-21).

Cognitive distortions Another cause of anger outbursts is when a person is mired in negative patterns of thinking. These include personalizing other people’s actions, generalizing about people and their intentions, or assuming the worst. When this happens, it can fuel disproportionate anger and angry outbursts because your perception of the situation is already distorted.

The Impact of Anger Outbursts

When you blow up and shout at someone, or you put your hands on a person or their property because you feel angry, there are consequences for you, your well-being, and the relationships you have with the people around you. Anger outbursts affect you on several levels and in different ways.

One way that anger outbursts affect you is relationally. If you blow up at people, whether they are your loved ones, the people you work with, or clients at your place of work, it erodes trust. People won’t trust you or feel safe around you if you’re liable to erupt at any moment, and for little cause. Intimate relationships end up feeling unsafe; loved ones may become emotionally distant or resentful. Anger can create and fuel conflict and isolation.

Anger outbursts can also affect you physiologically. When you’re feeling angry, your body undergoes a stress response, releasing adrenaline and cortisol, increasing your heart rate and blood pressure. If you’re chronically angry, you increase the risk of health issues such as a weakened immune system from stress, hypertension, and an increased risk of heart disease as well.

Spiritually, being angry and letting anger rule you and your responses to situations can hinder your spiritual growth and create barriers to your relationship with the Lord. Our anger doesn’t lead to the righteous life the Lord desires (James 1:19-21), and anger can stir up conflict and lead us into disobeying the Lord (Proverbs 29:22). Being controlled by anger is a sign of being controlled by our old nature, and not by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:19-23).

Anger outbursts point to deeper problems, and they also create new problems. The good news is that you can address the root of anger and learn to express it constructively.

Addressing Anger Outbursts Effectively

Anger outbursts can be brought under control so that you have a healthy relationship with your anger and learn how to express that anger and your concerns in a constructive way. Some of the ways to address anger outbursts include the following:

Self-reflection Pause and take a look at your life. It’s important to acknowledge the fact and presence of anger in your life without judgment. Ask the Lord to help you by searching your heart and revealing anger in your life (Psalm 139:23-24; Psalm 19:12-14). Such self-understanding is crucial to unpacking underlying issues that could be fueling your anger.

Healthy expression Instead of keeping your anger bottled up or expressing it in an outburst or other unhealthy ways, it’s a crucial life skill to learn to express your feelings constructively. Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) reminds us, “In your anger do not sin”. It can be healthy to feel anger, but crucial to communicate it respectfully and without violating anyone’s boundaries.

Forgiveness Deep-seated anger is often rooted in unforgiveness toward others. When you encounter new situations, you’re viewing them through the lens of past hurts, and that can typically lead to a disproportionate response. By forgiving those past wrongs and bearing with others’ faults (Colossians 3:13), you help yourself clear the slate and start afresh with new grace every morning.

Developing coping strategies Using techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, taking a time-out when you start feeling angry, and doing exercise regularly can all help in managing the physiological arousal that occurs when experiencing intense emotions like anger. You’re giving yourself room to handle and regulate those emotions effectively.

Cognitive restructuring It’s possible to challenge and replace negative and unhelpful thought patterns with Christ-centered truths. You can reorient your heart toward the Lord’s peace by meditating on His truth (Philippians 4:6-8).

Seek help and accountability You don’t have to journey alone in dealing with your anger. Others have gone before you or can guide you along the way. You can seek a mentor, support groups, or find a Christian counselor who can walk with you. A counselor, for instance, can help you develop healthy self-awareness, nurture practical strategies, and transform your thinking and ability to express your anger well.

To learn more or to schedule an appointment with me or one of the other counselors in our directory, contact our office today.