Learning How to Communicate Better with Others  

Our world has never been better equipped to communicate than it is today. There are over three hundred billion emails sent and received every day across the world, and around twenty billion texts are sent per day, and this doesn’t include app-to-app messaging. We are connected locally and globally across platforms and can share our thoughts and ideas instantly with an audience of one, or with millions of people.

While it’s been part of popular culture to say that women talk more than men, multiple studies have indicated that men and women speak about the same number of words every day, with the average being around seven-thousand words spoken per day. That’s a lot of words.

There is a difference between using a lot of words and communicating effectively. Even though you say a lot, which doesn’t necessarily mean that people understand better what you’re saying, nor does it leave you feeling heard. Frustration in communication typically comes either from feeling like you’re being misunderstood or from people understanding precisely what you mean and not agreeing with you!

Learning how to communicate better is about conveying your meaning clearly, but it is also about understanding what the other person is saying so that you can respond appropriately. This benefits not only your personal life but your professional life as well.

Tips for How to Communicate Better with Others

Below are a few pointers to help you learn how to communicate better with others. Whether you are shy and struggle with forming connections with people, or you’re great with people and can build rapport easily, there is something for everyone to learn and make use of.

There are no perfect words to unlock a conversation

One of the struggles when it comes to communication is finding the right words for the moment. Some people seem to be absolute wordsmiths. They say the right things to get people relaxed, get conversations going, and generate a good atmosphere.

Ever been at a party or mixer and found yourself in a corner thumbing through your phone while trying to think of the right thing to say? If that’s you, instead of trying to find the perfect words to open a conversation, release yourself by realizing that there are no perfect words that can unlock a conversation.

Sometimes, simple words coupled with enthusiasm go a long way. You can say the words “Good morning” in several different ways, and they can elicit different reactions. One key thing is to pay attention to what your body language is saying. A smile is an excellent ice breaker and accompaniment to even the simplest words.

Your tone of voice matters too, and how you say something matters just as much as what you’re saying, sometimes maybe more. In other words, saying what you always say but paying attention to your body language and tone goes a long way to making headway in conversation. A person will generally be more receptive to what you say if you say it with a smile.

They’re just people too

When we’re with people with whom we’re familiar or comfortable, we don’t freak out about what we’re going to say next, or how to approach them. We just do. We speak freely and comfortably, and we may even use a familiar shorthand in doing so. If you’re shy or are introverted, one of the biggest obstacles to overcome is starting a conversation with strangers.

These strangers can take on mythical qualities and become otherworldly, making the task of talking with them that much more difficult. But recognize that they are people too, just like the people we relate to comfortably. This means that we can relax and connect with them, person to person.

The anxiety that we all face, introverted or not, when we want to make a presentation or are in a job interview, can in part be allayed by recognizing that the people you’re facing are just that – people of flesh and blood just like you. They are made in the image of God, just as you are.

Be more of a listener than a talker

When thinking about becoming a better communicator, our minds typically go to how we can present ourselves and our words so that people can hear us better and we can make our point as clearly and compellingly as possible. That is a big part of it, but we often ignore it because we think we don’t need it.

In a recent study by the management consultant group Accenture, they found that over 90% of the respondents were convinced that they had excellent listening skills, and yet the perception and the reality were poles apart. Being a good communicator isn’t just about speaking well; it’s also about listening well, and that’s a skill that’s in short supply.

Listening well allows you to hear the concerns of the other person, and if the person feels heard, they will likely be more disposed to hearing you out. That’s valuable in any relationship. Listening well involves us making sure that our body language and mind are engaged by what the person is saying.

We must avoid listening only to give a response or being distracted while trying to listen. The aim is to hear the other person, asking them clarifying questions where appropriate, and letting them finish their thoughts and sentences so that they well and truly have their say.

When you know what a person wants, feels, or understands about a situation – whether they are a spouse or a work colleague – you can address them where they’re at, and not have to take a stab in the dark. Especially in difficult conversations, listening more and talking less will help you gain an understanding of the situation and give you ideas for how to navigate the conversation and frame your response.

If you’re quick to speak or you speak from anger, you can bury your message and miss the moment. Before you say something, ask yourself “How might this land with the other person?” Exercising that bit of emotional intelligence goes a long way.

Embrace stories

There’s something about a good yarn that grips our imagination. Telling stories, whether around the campfire, dinner table, at bedtime, or among friends just spending time together – perhaps we do it so often that we forget how important and powerful stories are to us.

People love good stories, whether telling them or listening to them, and that’s true in just about any setting and at any age. Whether it’s stories about yourself, a funny event or experience, or even something more serious, when deployed well, a story is very engaging and helps you make a point when necessary.

The key things to remember about stories are to make the story an appropriate one, stay on point, and tell it well.

Learn to ask great questions

Just as with learning to listen well, one tool to help you communicate better with others is learning to ask engaging questions. Some questions can be framed in such a way that a one-word answer will suffice. Those kinds of questions don’t get the conversation flowing or gain you much insight into the other person.

When you ask questions that require some thought and draw out a more meaningful response, this is a great way not only to allow a good conversation to happen, but it’ll help you understand the other person better. Whether in a social or professional setting, a good question unlocks possibilities and can help you build rapport.

Pay attention to the conversations you’re part of, and you will likely be able to pick out the times when someone asked a good question that got you thinking and that drew out an important insight. So, on a date with someone, for example, asking “Do you like Italian?” might get you a simple one-word answer, while asking “How do you like to spend your time?” might get you a more involved, interesting, and insightful answer.

Don’t be afraid to try – and fail – and try again

As with most things, developing your conversation and communication skills takes time. After all, the word “skill” should be a dead giveaway. Practice by yourself, or with a friend or family member. Some people develop a toolbox of questions, stories, and other helpful tips to help them talk easily and well with others. Sometimes you must put yourself out there and take a few risks.

If you want to grow in something, it will take some work, and growth and change aren’t always easy – they need us to step out of our comfort zone. If you have challenges with communicating with other people, there may be a few changes you need to make, either with what you’re saying or how you’re going about it.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and seek guidance if you need it. Many people have found help through either individual or group therapy, and that can highlight the skills you need to develop to become a more effective communicator.