Mindset Tips for Anger Management: Developing Healthy Coping Skills

If you feel yourself getting mad or upset easily or it takes you a long time to recover once you’re mad, there are things you can try to help manage your anger. Likewise, it is also recommended that you see a licensed counselor to explore your specific life circumstances, get to the root issues that solicit the anger, and develop new coping skills.

Relaxation tips for anger management

One of the ongoing ways we can work through temper and anger issues is through our physical bodies. Our bodies absorb what is happening inside of us, so it makes sense to help calm our senses by calming our bodies.

Breathing techniques

The stress hormone, cortisol, is activated when our emotions are heightened. One way to sustain cortisol levels is by practicing slow, deep breathing on a regular basis.

Exercise

Even if you start with ten minutes a day, taking a walk regularly can significantly contribute to sustaining your mood.

Relaxing hobbies

Find one relaxing hobby you can do almost daily, whether it’s coloring an adult coloring book, knitting, or walking your dog. Studies show that finding a hobby that calms your mind and activates your body can significantly reduce stress levels.

Adding coping skills to your anger management plan

The ways to manage one’s anger are not overt, and depending on your family of origin, you may have never learned some of the skills you need to cope with adult stress. Whether it’s a deadline at work, a troubling family situation, or financial worries, we all have stress. How we cope is the difference between letting anger get the best of us or living full, joyful lives.

There are strategies for coping with life’s difficulties that can be effective in calming your anger. Some are problem-solving strategies and others are calming strategies.

Often, we get accustomed to a stressful situation when there is a reasonable solution to eliminate it. Some ideas include saying no to weekend work because you know the extra income isn’t worth the stress; recognizing when a relationship or a friendship is toxic and choosing to end the friendship; or setting up a budget to guide your spending to solve financial woes. These are all problem-solving ways to reduce stress.

However, not all of life’s difficulties are problems with a solution. At times, we need emotional guardrails to help us recognize when we’re in too deep and need a healthy coping tool. An example of a healthy emotional coping tool is something that helps your emotions to be kept in check.

For example, if you get angry over your teenager not cleaning his room, a solution would be to talk to him and set some distinct boundaries. Make clear rewards or consequences when he oversteps them.

Alternatively, an emotional coping tool may be that you shut the door of your room and go for a walk. Getting outside, soaking up the sunshine, even just for a few minutes, reminds you that a clean room is not the end of the world, and you can work together on a solution later.

Healthy communication skills

Another skill that adds to your ability to manage anger is communication. Instead of stewing on something in your head, for example, write down how you feel, and try to say it aloud before you talk to the person who is involved.

Be sure when you share how someone else’s behavior is impacting you that you are kind and that you leave room for part of the story you may not understand or be aware of. For example, if you communicate with a co-worker that their chronically late behavior makes your mornings stressful because you can’t start meetings on time, give them a chance to talk about the root of their chronic tardiness.

It could be that their child’s preschool doesn’t open early enough, or maybe they are waiting for the caretaker to show up at the house to care for an ailing parent. It’s always wise to be a good listener first, and then share how a person’s actions impact you second. Starting with a question is a clever idea, too.

For instance, instead of launching into a tirade with the co-worker, saying, “Your chronic lateness is messing up all of my meetings,” you may want to try this instead. “Hi, I’m glad you were able to make it to the meeting earlier today. I have noticed that arriving on time is challenging for you. Is there anything I can do to help?” This opens up the conversation and lets the co-worker know that you care but that you’re also concerned.

Mindset tips for anger management

Some tips for anger management are lifestyle-related, such as exercising and getting enough sleep. However, others recognize small shifts in your thinking and, over time, change how those thoughts impact your actions.

One therapy that’s designed for recognizing thought patterns that are holding you back is cognitive behavioral therapy. In CBT, you work with a trained therapist to identify areas of mindset and behavior that don’t help you with your personal goals. For example, if you ruminate on a decision that is beyond your control, your initial response of irritation may escalate to full-blown anger.

A counselor can help you recognize this tendency and teach you new ways of thinking that have a large effect on your emotional well-being.

Focus on the present. If you notice a tendency to look back at conversations you had, replay scenarios in your mind, and rehash what you could have done differently, it may be holding you back from being able to trade anger for joy.

Of course, anger is an emotion, and it provides information, so it’s not wrong. However, letting it get the better of you, lashing out, or yelling uncontrollably, could harm your relationships with others.

Instead of looking back at what you could have done differently and letting it lead you to regret or shame, try to focus on the “right now” view. To do that, you can ask yourself some questions, such as Where am I? What can I see? What can I smell? What is something beautiful that I hear right now? Exploring the present through your senses helps you to focus on the goodness of each moment.

Look out for negative self-talk. Just as easily as we can look back at a circumstance to undo where we feel it went wrong, we can look inwardly and paint a negative view of ourselves.

When you identify that you’ve been shaming or thinking poorly of yourself, it’s time to take action and switch gears. You could down one thing each day that you did well, looking in the mirror and forcing yourself to notice something positive about your appearance.

Another idea would be to write down a Scripture verse that reminds you of your identity in Christ. While you don’t want to deny the negative thoughts that are taking place, you also don’t want to dwell on them. Admit them and ask yourself if they are 100% true. We often see ourselves in a much more black-and-white perspective than others do. You can even ask a trusted friend how they see you. It may surprise you.

Learn the difference between criticism and feedback. It’s easy to take someone’s constructive feedback and assume they are criticizing us. Yet, if we are to operate as healthy adults in meaningful relationships at work and in personal life, we must see the difference.

Feedback is when someone offers you their opinion about what they see. It could be that your boss recognizes you are a hard worker, but that you sometimes struggle to ask for help when you get overwhelmed. That’s not criticism because the intent is to help you grow.

Criticism is defined by Merriam-Webster as “finding faults” in a person. Simply looking for faults is not helpful, productive, or restorative. If you have someone in your life who does this, likely, they are not emotionally healthy and it may be a relationship to pause for a while.

Learning the difference between helpful feedback and criticism can help you stay calm and receive what you need to hear and let go of what you don’t.

Reaching Out for Help

Tips for anger management are built into anger management therapy, and our offices have several locations where you can see a counselor who specializes in helping adults cope with stress. Reach out to us today and we will help you get started with managing anger and flourishing as a person.