Narcissistic Personality Disorder: The Signs of a Narcissist

It might not be your imagination when you silently label your loved one as a narcissist. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) tend to display an extreme disregard for other peoples’ feelings and exhibit a lack of empathy.

What does this look like in a relationship? Is your partner constantly belittling you, making sarcastic and hurtful “jokes” at your expense, stepping out on you because they can’t seem to commit, or canceling plans to “get back” at you? They could just be exhibiting narcissistic traits or have undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Common?

Many people display narcissistic traits at some point in their lives, however, NPD is a personality disorder with a sense of extreme importance and grandiosity. People with NPD can fall anywhere on the spectrum of narcissistic behavior and these traits can last a lifetime.

Typically, narcissistic behaviors present themselves in early adulthood. The need for great admiration from others can be real or fantasy, but it will preoccupy a narcissist’s mind. According to the Merck Manual, NPD affects up to six percent of the population with most narcissistic patients being male.

Researchers conclude that two of the causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder are environmental factors and genetics. Children raised in an environment of indulgence, or at the other extreme, over-discipline, and criticism, may develop narcissistic traits. Households, where the parents were neglectful or abusive can result in grown narcissistic children.

On the opposite end, parents who expect too much from their children, especially in certain areas can place their children at a higher risk of developing NPD. Children with specific gifts or talents are susceptible as they begin to tie their worth into the praise and admiration of others as well as their over-achieving parents.

A person’s behavior is also tied to the structure and function of the brain. According to one study published in the Psychiatric Journal, the gray matter in the cerebral cortex in a chronic narcissist’s brain is less than found in the average mentally healthy individual.

Noticing the Signs of a Narcissist

It’s difficult to identify the signs of a narcissist when you are involved in a romantic relationship. Narcissistic behaviors in an adult child or sibling aren’t necessarily NPD but could be the first red flag to an unstable relationship later.

Narcissistic traits may include:

• Your loved one may speak about themselves and their accomplishments with grandiosity. They may exaggerate or outright lie about their past or present. Since the focus is wholly on the narcissist, they may downplay your achievements or take credit for them.
• A narcissist seeks admiration and praise from others. You may notice that your loved one fishes for compliments from you but hands out back-handed compliments in return. Although they need their ego stroked, they feel superior to others and will never allow someone else to be the smartest or brightest in the room.
• Narcissistic people have a total disregard for others and their feelings. They may do something awful to someone and not feel any real guilt about the situation. Narcissists, when confronted, will at first try to cover over their behavior with lovely words, only to repeat the behavior later. If they realize you are serious about cutting ties, they may lash out at you verbally, physically, and/or psychologically. This behavior is all about them losing their sense of self-worth and having their ego bruised. It is not about you.
• People with narcissistic behaviors feel that they are being attacked whenever someone disagrees with them on a matter. They become overly sensitive to criticism, even constructive criticism that could help them in the long run.
• Narcissists are masters at gaslighting other people. This means that they will manipulate you, talk about you, and do things to get under your skin to cause you to react. When you react to their behavior, they may say that you are crazy, “flipping out,” or downplay the situation altogether. Although the narcissist provoked you into a reaction, they will tell others a completely different story. Because they are narcissists they are always the hero in their stories.

Pay close attention to how a narcissist makes you feel. They seldom have any interest in your daily life and will want to only talk about themselves.

How Narcissistic Behavior Can Negatively Impact Your Life

Loving a narcissist is frustrating, to say the least, especially if the narcissist is someone bound to you by blood, such as a grown child. The behavior of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can leave you drained and traumatized, reducing your own self-worth.

If you continue a relationship with a narcissist, eventually you will begin to doubt yourself due to their domineering traits. You may feel like you can’t do anything right or that you blow things out of proportion. Second-guessing your decisions will lead you to a codependency relationship with the narcissist, giving them that much more control.

Stroking the narcissist’s ego in an attempt to keep them in your life will prove detrimental to your relationship. Although the narcissist wants to control you and your reactions in order to feel superior, eventually they will lose respect for you. They will move on to another person who is willing to give them praise and adoration.

Due to their narcissistic behavior, people with NPD rarely keep deep and lasting relationships of any kind. They will flatter and give a great deal of attention to the people they want to like them, but when those people no longer serve a purpose, the narcissist may either walk away or subconsciously sabotage the relationship.

Since a narcissist has no regard for the feelings of other people, you may find your heart broken on more than one occasion. Losing your own self-worth and confidence will negatively impact other areas of your life, from school and work to finances and relationships.

Common Treatments for Narcissistic Behavior

There aren’t any specific medications to treat Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but if your loved one also exhibits another mental disorder, such as depression or anxiety, the physician may prescribe something to help with that condition. Once the narcissist can cope with those symptoms, then handling NPD may become easier.

The most common treatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder is psychotherapy, including talk therapy. The patient with narcissistic traits will learn how to lower their overinflated expectations of others and build their own self-esteem.

Since a narcissist thrives on perfectionism, learning the difference between reality and overestimating is crucial. This perfectionism drives them to expect too much from you and others while underestimating your abilities and what you bring to the relationship.

The mental health care professional treating your loved one may incorporate techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. With this type of treatment, the patient learns to identify and diffuse negative thoughts while replacing them with positive behaviors.

Depending on your situation, the psychologist may recommend family or couples therapy. Coming together as a group or as a couple may help to bring the situation into perspective and clear up any unrealistic expectations.

However, if the narcissist’s behavior has reached the point of abuse, seek help right away from a professional. This may mean cutting ties to the narcissist in order to protect yourself. This isn’t an easy task, especially if you’ve been romantically involved for a long time or have blood ties. If you do not step away from the narcissist (who is mistreating you), then their behavior will eventually impact your life with negative consequences.

If you are a Christian, this can seem like a huge loss, as if you are giving up on the person. Please remember that God created us to love as Jesus Christ loved. If someone is abusing or mistreating you, you can forgive and love them, but for your own safety (and possibly the safety of other family members) you may need to break ties (in the case of blood relatives or friends) or at least separate from that person for a time until they get help (in the case of a spouse).

Take a step back and ask for help in identifying the signs of a narcissist before they pull you down with them.