Surviving Divorce as a Christian Woman

Surviving divorce as a Christian woman is possible while maintaining your integrity and continuing to grow in your relationship with Jesus Christ. You can also grow your faith in this crisis by consulting with a Christian counselor, who can help you heal from your wounds.

Tips for surviving divorce.

When we marry, we have high hopes for our future. We commit in front of God to spend the rest of our lives with our husbands. Unfortunately, divorce disrupts our dreams.

It may not seem like it now, but you will get through this. Many women have learned that surviving divorce is similar to moving past a traumatic event or losing a loved one. The grief is there, and yet you begin to adjust to the new “normal,” finding yourself along the way.

As you navigate your new life, try these tips for surviving divorce.

Go to God.

Often, we try to control a situation with our energy. Doing that during a divorce is a quick way to feel depleted. The truth is that you need to rely on God’s strength and grace to get through it. You need insight into His word and draw closer to Jesus as you begin rebuilding your life.

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. – Hebrews 12:15, NIV

The Bible reminds us to act in love and kindness. We do not need to place our hands back into the fire of an abusive marriage, but we are urged not to let bitterness grow inside us. Ask God for wisdom and grace to help you with surviving divorce.

Acknowledge that you are grieving.

Losing a marriage, the union of two people who loved each other once and shared dreams, is comparable to losing a loved one. As you navigate the divorce proceedings, you will go through the grieving process. You may still be grieving one year later, which is why many people warn divorcees about rebound relationships. Jumping into a new relationship without fully healing from the divorce can lead to more significant problems.

The grieving process happens in five stages:

• Shock (denial)
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

You may cycle back a few times as you move through each stage. For example, you may quickly move through the shock and anger stages into the bargaining stage and stay there for a few months, then move to the depression phase for several months, and then back to anger.

If you believe you have been stuck in a stage of the grieving process and it is interfering with your everyday life and relationships, reach out to a compassionate Christian counselor. Complicated grief requires professional help.

Journal your thoughts and emotions.

Even if you are involved in a messy divorce, refrain from speaking negatively or bashing your soon-to-be ex to your children. If you need to vent, try journaling your thoughts and emotions about the divorce. But do not use the journal as a place to just rant. Write down productive things you will do to make yourself feel better.

Consider jotting down Bible verses that address the emotions you are experiencing. You may want to write your prayer requests to God during this time. One day, you may look back on this journal for inspiration when faced with an insurmountable challenge in the future. Leave yourself a note that you can do hard things and survive.

Get active.

Want a quick way to feel happier, reduce aches and pains, and increase your self-esteem? Get active. Make exercise a part of your life. You may need to start slowly with 15-minute walking at home videos early in the morning, but any activity that will get your heart pumping will help you reap the benefits.

More strenuous activities like kickboxing and dance can assist you in working out your frustrations. Even yoga, with its calm atmosphere and flowing poses, can help you unwind and force your body to release muscle tension. We carry a great deal of stress and tension in our muscles. Adopt a consistent workout schedule over the next six to nine months and watch your body and confidence change.

Take care of yourself.

As women, we tend to place everyone’s needs ahead of our own. We care for our families, aging parents, grandchildren, extended family, friends, church family, coworkers, and community. Often, during the trauma of divorce, we are faced with the realization that we have let ourselves go. You cannot be a blessing to others if you are sick or have lost your self-esteem.

You are not selfish by placing your health and self-care near the top of your list. Do you need to make a dental appointment? When was the last time you went for health screenings? What about little services that make you feel good about yourself, such as a hair appointment, manicure, or pedicure? Make a list of self-care tasks that will give you a boost and work them into your schedule.

Learn about finances.

If your husband managed all the finances, now is the time to get a handle on your income and expenses. You can find plenty of books and online materials about managing finances, savings, investments, and side hustles for extra income. Dave Ramsey has several resources and books on budgeting and growing your income.

You may want an accountant to look at your taxes before filing next year, as the details and filing status will change. Be your own advocate. Financial literacy is essential for a single woman.

Set goals.

Want to give yourself a reason to wake up in the morning? Set new goals. For example, if your health is in trouble and your doctor has suggested you lose twenty pounds to lower your high blood pressure, you can set that as your long-term goal: lose 20 pounds in six months. To make this happen, you must set short-term goals such as drinking eight cups of water daily, exercising five days a week, and avoiding processed foods.

Goals breathe new life into old situations. Once you set your long-term and short-term goals, you can ride on the motivation. However, a word of caution: motivation wanes, so be prepared to adopt daily habits that will carry you across the finish line. Ensure that your daily activities will help you achieve your goals.

Get back to you.

Have you stopped doing the hobbies and interests you loved? What activities did you do before the marriage or during the early years before everything became stressful? Remember what brought you happiness and left you feeling as if you had accomplished a mighty feat after completing it.

Now is the time to rediscover your passion for a hobby. Perhaps take your interest to a new level and produce something for supplemental income. Share your hobby with your children. They may surprise you.

Do fun things with your children.

Making it through the divorce is not only a goal for you, but your children. Divorce is hard on children and can have a lasting impact if mishandled. Your children are too young to bear the brunt of the emotional challenges of divorce. Instead, give your children the opportunity to grieve, ask questions, and voice concerns.

Plan fun activities to do with your children to ease the stress from the separation and divorce proceedings. Go to a concert, visit a museum or zoo, go hiking, swim in the community pool, or pack a picnic lunch. The activities do not need to cost a lot of money to be enjoyable. Ask your children what they would like to do or look online for ideas.

Christian therapy after divorce.

If surviving divorce and rebuilding your life seems impossible, reach out to a Christian counselor today. The grieving process surrounding divorce can leave you with low self-esteem, anger, or bitterness. This is not what God wants for you. He has you in His hand, but it will take time to heal from the hurt. Call our office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor.