The Silent Trauma: Healing after Abortion

As individuals, we are each influenced by our families, our significant others, our churches, our culture, and our greater society. This can be a blessing, but it can also be exactly the opposite. This living-in-a-fishbowl feeling never seems more prevalent than during pregnancy and this can be even truer during a crisis pregnancy.

A Crisis Pregnancy

Women choose abortion for many reasons. These can include coercion by a significant other, a parent, or a spouse, but they also include life circumstances such as homelessness, the beginning of a new career, societal pressures, health concerns, pregnancy during adolescence, already having too many mouths to feed, previous infant or prenatal losses, or a multitude of other reasons. A pregnancy that feels like a true crisis can push a pregnant woman to contemplate abortion, even if she has always believed that she is wholeheartedly against it. I have seen this countless times — life circumstances that are so difficult that the thought of abortion in the mother’s mind not only seems like an option, but even the fairest and best option. Though this is far from the truth, it can seem as if all the evidence points to it being true.

It can be immensely difficult to find support when faced with a crisis pregnancy, as even those closest to one can become hostile to the idea of a new pregnancy. There is frequently judgment, whether this is due to an already large family and a low income, one’s marital status, or some other reason. A woman in this situation struggles with knowing where to turn. The mother’s family may disown her, her husband may threaten divorce, or her boyfriend may threaten to leave her. Life can get really, really complicated, and at record speed.

Women Who Ache Alone

Abortion is the silent trauma behind so many annually grieved due dates that might have been. It lies behind so many quiet sighs and broken hearts. While unbiased abortion statistics are hard to find, there are estimates stating that the rate of women who have had abortions is three out of ten by age forty-five. (Jones & Cavanaugh, 2011) While some argue that these statistics are skewed and unlikely, the point is that there have been too many lives lost and there are too many women hurting in silence. It is likely that nearly every individual living in this country knows a woman who has had an abortion, either recently or during adolescence. This is not something we talk about, and our silence speaks volumes. There are so many reasons why we don’t speak about abortion. We are scared to be judged. We don’t want to hurt those around us who have had abortions. We don’t want to seem judgmental. We don’t want to speak about something so politically and culturally volatile. We just don’t want to rock the boat. Yet our inability to speak about this topic implies that it is simply not an acceptable topic to bring up in polite conversation, or, really, in any conversation at all. So women continue to ache alone, in silence, feeling it is not their right to grieve a loss that they may very well have chosen.

There is Hope After Abortion

If you have experienced some of these complications, if you know what it feels like to numb yourself enough to be able to go through with the hardest — or maybe, the easiest — decision of your life, if you’ve had an abortion, know that there is hope. There is hope of forgiveness, hope of reconciliation, and hope of a future. It is your right to grieve. It is your right to feel that loss. I pray that God will cover you in peace, rest, and comfort. I pray that you can accept God’s forgiveness, and, ultimately, forgive yourself and move forward.

In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace. – Ephesians 1:7

Christian Counseling as You Heal from Abortion

If you or someone you love is struggling in the aftermath of an abortion, it is okay to seek help. A Christian counselor can meet you where you are in your journey, whether you are in the beginning stages of trying to get help or have been healing for a long time. If you have questions about healing from an abortion, or would like more information about Christian counseling, feel free to contact any of our therapists at Seattle Christian Counseling. We would be honored to begin the journey of healing with you. Feel free to reach out to me here.