Triumphing Over Divorce 101: A Christian Counselor’s Perspective, Part 2

Part 2 of a 5-Part Triumphing Over Divorce 101 Series
Divorce is an alarmingly common occurrence in today’s society, and there a whole of lot heartache going on out there. And yet, although divorce does bring tremendous loss, it doesn’t mean that you have lost everything if you are going through a divorce. You can move forward and live your life today. You need to pick up from where you are and in this series of articles I outline some of the things you can do so that you can begin to live again.

In my previous article , I spoke about some of the important things you can do to triumph over divorce. These include establishing a support system and allowing yourself time to grieve. Grieving the loss of your partner and your marriage is normal and you will need time and support in order to heal. In this article, I continue this discussion by looking at some more concrete steps you can take to move forward with your life.

Pour out Your Heart to God

The centerpiece of your support system should be Jesus. He is the Friend who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18: 24), who promises to draw near to you when you draw near to Him (James 4: 8), and who says, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11: 28)

God will quiet you with His love. – Zephaniah 3: 17

Make it a point to regularly pour out your heart to God during your healing process. I like the format that King David espoused when going through something rough. In Psalm 31, David shared his feelings of turmoil with God: “Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am in trouble; My eye wastes away with grief, yes, my soul and my body! For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing.” Yet a few verses later, he speaks these faith-filled words: “But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hand.” Be honest about where you are in your circumstance and emotions. But also let your mouth testify of God’s faithfulness, provision, protection, and healing.

Breakfast with Jesus

One of the suggestions I make to all clients who face a struggle of some kind is to have “Breakfast with Jesus.” In today’s hustle and bustle, with family members going in various different directions upon rising, few families eat breakfast together. Breakfast time can be especially lonely after a divorce, and a painful reminder of what and who is missing. Instead of facing this meal alone, consider seizing the opportunity for intimacy with Jesus. Visualize the Lord sitting across the table from you as you eat and talk with Him as you would any close friend or family member. Bring items such as your Bible, a devotional, and a notebook and worship Him with your words and singing. If tears appear, let them fall into his bottle. (Psalm 56: 8) Encourage yourself with His Word and seek the comfort of His presence.

Even if your time spent seeking God in the morning is brief, it can help set your mood and focus for the entire day. Of course, there is no right or wrong time to spend time with God. The important thing is to make the time to connect with Him some way, at some time, every day.

Practice Good Self-Care

Self-care means looking after your own needs ̶ body, soul, and spirit. This includes good nutrition, physical exercise, intellectual stimulation, creative outlet, adequate rest, social interaction, fun and recreation, well-managed finances, and disciplines that promote spiritual growth and a close relationship with God. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. On the contrary, it is your responsibility as a steward of the life that God has given you and your task as Christ’s ambassador on this earth. You may be a father or mother, a sister or brother, a son or daughter, an aunt or an uncle, a grandparent, a friend, a co-worker, an employer or employee, a neighbor, or a worker in the church. No matter what hats you wear, your value and impact does not end with being or not being someone’s spouse.

Sometimes, when you are feeling sad, hurt, angry, or guilty, your motivation for self-care may lag. You may feel like numbing your feelings with food, drugs, or alcohol, or distracting yourself with excessive work, sleep, gaming, social media, shopping, or other indulgences. Or, conversely, you may suffer appetite loss, stay up too late, toss and turn all night, or lose interest in activities you once enjoyed or were committed to. At such times, your actions need to be especially governed by conscious choices and not by feelings. Your choices should reflect what you know you need to do, and not what you feel like doing. Poor lifestyle choices can and often do intensify the negative emotions associated with divorce and can become additional problems in and of themselves. Healthy lifestyle choices, on the other hand, can facilitate positive emotions and support the recovery process so that you can pursue the future and hope that God has for you.

Christian Counseling Can Help You Heal from Divorce

In the following article, I will provide further suggestions that can help you to triumph over divorce. However, you need to bear in mind that divorce is a traumatic, major life event and should not be shouldered alone. A grief and loss or divorce support group can provide helpful support in your struggle to move forward after divorce. Likewise, working with a Christian counselor can be a vital support at this time. A trained Christian counselor will listen with empathy as you sort out your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. If you or someone you care about is going through divorce or struggling with its aftermath, I have personal and professional experience to help. Together, we can explore ideas and strategies for getting through such a painful experience, regaining clarity, and moving toward goals for a fulfilling future.

Photos
“Young one stuck in the thoughts,” courtesy of Meg Wills, Flickr CreativeCommon, (CC BY 2.0); ”Still Life Cup of Coffee and Book,” courtesy of samuiblue, Image ID 100231586, freedigitalphotos.net