Understanding Your Self-Harming Teen
Erik Mildes
From social pressures to fit in, to relationship breakups and insecurities, teenagers experience a wide and intense range of emotions and experiences. They may not be equipped or capable to handle these emotions in a healthy way, and some may resort to self-injurious behavior such as cutting to alleviate pain. The trouble is, the alleviation is temporary, and the behavior is a band-aid for what may truly be going on inside. In an effort to bring light to this difficult, but important subject, I want to highlight some risk factors, signs, as well as ways to help our teens struggling with cutting or other forms of self-injury.
No teenager is “textbook” or the same for that matter, making these risk factors and signs widespread and different for each individual. These are some risk factors and signs that may be helpful for parents to look for, but as a disclaimer, may not be the same for every teen. Some teens do not show any warning signs. If you believe your teen is cutting, it is important to seek professional assistance and treatment to determine the root cause of the cutting and to help your teen process through their difficult emotions and other contributions to their behavior.
Risk Factors
Because of the social expression in schools throughout the nation about cutting, teens may be influenced to express their feelings through this form of self-injury by hearing about it from friends. They may learn that cutting can help them “feel better”, as one author describes in her article on self-harm (Hartwell-Walker, 2009). Knowledge that other friends may be cutting, is an important risk factor to be aware of and talk with your teen about.
Cutting and other types of self-injurious behaviors can be a form of distraction from other pain a teen may be experiencing. If a teen has difficulty expressing their feelings, they may be at risk to internalize their emotions and express the pain they feel by cutting. Alongside pain that may be experienced, stressful family events may be a risk factor for a teen to express their pain in this way. The impulsivity of cutting at times may be a risk factor as well for teens who tend to experience extreme emotional reactions to loss or frustrations in their lives. Teens with a negative body image as well as inadequate coping skills to deal with the day-to-day stresses may also be at risk for self-harming behaviors.
Signs That Your Teen is Self-Harming
- Blood stains on articles of clothing, towels, or bedding
- Unexplained marks on their body
- Secretive behavior
- Items that could be used for cutting (knives, razors, safety pins) are missing in your home
- Spending large amounts of time in seclusion
- Wearing wristbands that are not removed or long sleeves when the weather is not cold
Although this behavior is shocking and scary for parents to discover, remember that most teens who are engaging in self-injury are using it as a coping skill and are not necessarily intending to cause serious injury or death. Your teen may be experiencing shame or embarrassment for cutting, so it is important to remain calm and engaged in your communication until you are able to seek out help.
How You Can Help Your Self-Harming Teen
Self-harmers need to be understood, not scolded, as author Marie Hartwell-Walker explains (2009). Many teens believe their feelings are wrong or unimportant, leading them to express those feelings in unhealthy ways. When they are overwhelmed like this, they need to learn how to manage those feelings in a way that is healthy and life-giving, not destructive. Coming alongside your teen and offering a listening ear may be the first step in helping them to feel understood and cared for if you discover they are injuring themselves. Asking your teen how you can support them or learn more about what they’re experiencing can open new doors of communication and help your teen express themselves. If this is too overwhelming, simply letting them know you are available and willing to talk can go a long way as well.
Christian Counseling For Your Self-Harming Teen
If your teenager is engaged in self-harming practices, he or she is crying out for help. It is essential that you love and support your teen by listening and fostering openness, but you may also need help. Encouraging your teen to seek the help of a Christian counselor can be a great way to show your child that you care. A qualified Christian counselor will be able to come alongside your teen as a trusted and unbiased adult who will nurture health and wholeness in their lives. If you would like to know more about how a professional Christian counselor is trained to help self-harming teens. I use Biblical principles and proven therapeutic techniques to address the underlying issues and encourage your teen to discover his or her true self-worth. I would be delighted to partner with you and your family and support your teen through these challenges.
References
Hartwell-Walker, M. (2009). Teens Who Self-Harm. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 22, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/teens-who-self-harm/0001962
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