When Parents Struggle During Crisis Children Hold the Anxiety

For many, many parents, the news from the Newtown Elementary school in Connecticut hits close to home. This crime could have happened anywhere.  What if it was us that sent our children to school and never saw them again because of such a violent act? Losing one’s child in such a way is unimaginable, and we quickly fall on our knees offering prayers for those parents because the death of their children affects us too. We empathize, and we worry for our children too. Unfortunately, when we worry and don’t know how to deal with a situation ourselves we are actually passing on our anxiety and fear onto our children.

Many parents struggle with what to say to their children. They want to help them understand in age appropriate ways what happened while at the same time reassure them that they are safe. But what happens when parents are too emotionally affected by the events and tragedy of that dreaded day?

It is important to keep in mind that children take cues from their parents and other adults in leadership roles. If we are not able to handle our own emotions, it is a sign we are not able to handle the emotions of our children either. Talking about the events coming from a place of fear will only encourage fear in children.

The bottom line is, when adults struggle to make sense of their feelings, they need to process those emotions and bring truth and light into the situation before them. Just like we want to stress to our children that they are safe, we need to come to that same understanding first if we are to help our kids deal with their feelings. Am I safe? Are my children safe? Does my child’s school have safety precautions in place? What are those? Is it probable that the same event will take place at my kid’s school?

If working and processing through these feelings continue to be a challenge it is possible that these feelings are a sign of a much deeper fear that has come to the surface in light of the recent tragedy. Does God really care? Where was God when this happened? Does God care about me and my kids? Would He allow the same thing to happen to my family?

It is possible there are past experiences and fears that have made us question God’s goodness, and it is likely we were not aware of that doubt and fear before. There are no easy answers, but rather an opportunity and an invitation to truthfully stand before God and acknowledge that there are areas where we have missed seeing His goodness and Love.  This could be an opportunity to look back and acknowledge other situations in life where we felt God’s abandonment or His lack of goodness.

The good news is that there is hope and healing in the journey.

Hard times call for intentional actions.  Don’t wait to get the help you need so that when something difficult does happen you will be one of those who can assist those who are in need.  Talk with your pastor and ask about special trainings offered in response to disaster.  If you are finding that you need something more due to your personal story then Christian counseling can help.

Images cc: freedigitalphotos.com -“Girl Crying In Mothers Arm” by David Castillo Dominici