4 Steps on How to Receive Negative Feedback

Part 2 of the Series Keys to Your Personal Development Success

If we are honest, most of us get panic stricken when we hear the word “review” at work, or when a friend says, “Can we talk?” No one likes to be critiqued. However, negative feedback is crucial for improvement. In my previous article, I discussed six reasons why negative feedback is a positive. Negative feedback buffs out our weaknesses, and sharpens our strengths. Critiques unlock our blind spots and create positive motivation for progress. Through negative feedback we become more resilient and develop a thicker skin. It is a crucial learning juncture if we practice humility and learn to accept correction and advice. And finally, negative feedback strengthens our relationships. Now, in this article, I share four steps on how to receive and process difficult feedback so that you can glean the most out of your experience.

Step 1:  Adopt a Teachable Attitude

Our first reaction to criticism is to become argumentative and defensive. Whether negative feedback is productive or unwarranted, it is best to not react on your impulses. A puffed-up attitude will quickly short circuit your success, in both personal and professional relationships. When receiving constructive criticism, try to be open minded. Take a death breath. Be respectful. Listen before you speak. Maintain good eye contact and approachable body language. Let the person know that you are tracking with him or her by summarizing what you heard. Seek to understand the person’s concerns. Get all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Ask clarifying questions. Create an open space for dialogue. This may be a good time to clarify job roles or expectations. Or can this confrontation be an opportunity to improve your relationship with your boss or friend by agreeing to collaborate together? Be a gracious receiver. Thank the person for taking the time to bring these issues to your attention.

Step 2:  Evaluate the Feedback

A natural reaction to criticism is to reject it. However, embracing all feedback isn’t beneficial either. Take time to assess whether the feedback was productive before discarding or accepting it. Our perception of feedback can be influenced by a variety of factors, so it is important to take time to sift through the dynamics at play. The goal is to filter out any garbage and to discover the truth. First, examine the impact of your own emotions. Is your insecurity coloring the way you view the encounter? Next, look at the way the meeting was conducted. Not everyone is skilled at delivering constructive criticism with tact and timing. Perhaps the person’s tone was harsh but their assessment of your behavior was true. Try processing the content of the feedback by omitting the style of delivery. In other words, focus on what they said rather than on how they said it. Don’t let offense prevent you from receiving valuable advice. Then look at the facts. What is the problem? What triggered this person’s reaction and what role did you play? Honestly assess your behavior. Next, ask yourself whether the feedback was true? Was it based on fact or opinion? Do these comments have merit? Was it solution oriented or unproductive? Could this be an alternative perspective that you overlooked? Or was the feedback destructive, meaning, was it designed to be harmful rather than helpful? Consider the source. Examine the motivation of the person delivering it. Was he or she genuine? Was the person acting in spite? Lastly, consult with people you trust as well as people with alternative viewpoints. Decide how you will respond.

Step 3:  Self-Reflection

Be proactive and use the negative feedback as an opportunity for further self-reflection. Extracting valuable lessons from every critical experience will help you to effectively handle the stress of the situation. Perhaps the way you responded to the criticism was more eye opening more than the criticism itself. Use this time to dig deeper into self-improvement and to expand on your future goals. Create an action plan. Ask yourself the following questions: How can I make this negative feedback impact me positively? What did I learn about myself? What did I learn about other people? What new skills did I learn? What did I learn about my reaction? What can I improve upon? What will I do differently in the future? Who is a positive role model that can help me to change? Your continued focus on potential growth areas and future planning will increase your hope and resiliency.

Step 4:  Own It

It’s normal to feel bad or to be caught off guard by negative feedback. But make sure you don’t let your feelings keep you from taking appropriate action. It may be tempting to hold a grudge, to blame, or to rebuff change. Work through your emotions, but don’t get stuck dwelling on the situation. Take full responsibility for your errors or weaknesses and make the needed changes. What if the feedback was destructive or unproductive? Take ownership for your response. From a boundaries perspective, ownership means that I will take responsibility for what happens to me. Refuse to be victimized and make empowering choices. Set firm boundaries against verbal abuse. Confront the person and don’t allow their comments to derail your success. Seek help from a supervisor or HR. How you choose to handle negative feedback sends a powerful message to those around you. By taking charge, you are saying: “I am confident, competent, mature, and ready for higher levels of responsibility.”

Christian Counseling for Personal Development

As a Christian counselor, I very aware of the power of words to either tear down or build up. Christian counseling can provide an objective perspective to help you sort through a troubling negative feedback experience. I would love to meet with you and help you to rediscover your confidence, develop your unique strengths, and heal from past wounds.