7 Effective Tips for Anger Management

The way you feel will dictate how you act in the world. If you feel happy, how you interact with others will be quite different than if you’re angry. When you’re happy, you’re more likely to let things go, to give others the benefit of the doubt, and not to interpret other’s actions in a negative light.

On the other hand, if you’ve been provoked or are feeling angry, every subsequent interaction with other people might just be more fuel to the fire. Your anger already has you feeling overstimulated, and even small things can feel overwhelming. Knowing some handy tips for anger management can help you keep anger under control, so you don’t respond in a way you’ll regret.

Anger: A Great Servant, but a Terrible Master

Anger is a natural response to your boundaries being threatened in some way. That threat could be a form of an insult that undermines your dignity, the safety of a loved one jeopardized, or when a colleague takes credit for an idea that was yours. Your anger alerts you to potential threats to your well-being.

However, while anger is a good servant, it makes for a terrible master. One reason for this is that when your anger is provoked, how you interpret that moment is impacted by so many factors. If you’re hungry, haven’t gotten enough sleep, or you’ve already been provoked before that day, you might interpret the next provocation uncharitably or disproportionately. In other words, your anger might be unjustified.

The other reason anger makes for a terrible master is that anger can cause a lot of damage. It’s one thing to feel angry, and quite another to allow those feelings to guide your actions. Human anger often leads to poor outcomes, whether that’s from causing harm to others or ourselves, or otherwise from leading us away from the righteous life God desires for us. (James 1:19-21)

Reasons Why You Could Be Feeling Angry

Since we can’t always trust our anger, one way to start getting a handle on anger is to consider the varied reasons why we feel angry. Your anger can’t be taken at face value. There’s a world of benefits that can come from taking the time to interrogate your feelings of anger. There could be many reasons why you’re feeling angry at any given moment.

Some possibilities worth investigating include:

Unmet needs or expectations

If there are things you feel are lacking in your life such as respect, understanding, or support from loved ones, that could fuel your anger.

Feeling stressed and overwhelmed

When you are dealing with a lot of pressure, whether from work, relationships, or other personal responsibilities, that stress could make it easier for you to get angry or respond to situations from anger.

Past traumas or hurts.

The past never really dies, and unresolved issues from your past can be the cause of feelings of anger and resentment. Perhaps a loved one betrayed you, or there may be issues of abuse when you were young, and you felt powerless to protect yourself. Unresolved past trauma and hurt can continue to affect you today.

Fear and anxiety

Anger sometimes functions as an effective cover for other emotions. For instance, if you are worried about something specific or feeling uncertain about the future, you might react angrily when someone asks questions about that thing. If you make a public mistake, you might find yourself responding to others in anger. Anger can mask other emotions such as embarrassment, shame, or guilt.

Feeling frustration and powerlessness

If you feel like you’re unable to change or control certain situations, the sense of helplessness that generates could result in feelings of anger. Anger could be a way to attempt to assert control and to feel powerful again.

Lack of self-care

Neglecting your own spiritual, physical, emotional, or mental well-being can trigger an anger response. Self-care helps you to regulate your emotions better; you have a better perspective on issues when you have the emotional capacity to step back and see things with some objectivity.

Unhealthy relationships

Toxic relationships or dynamics in your life can contribute to your anger. Issues such as constant criticism, being manipulated, being disrespected, or being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t take accountability for their actions can all increase stress and provoke anger.

Unrealistic expectations

When you set yourself up for disappointment through unachievable goals or standards, such unrealistic expectations of yourself and others can lead to frustration and anger.

Your health

If you experience hormonal fluctuations, these can affect mood and lead to irritability. Some medications, such as prescribed antipsychotics, can lead to increased levels of aggression. Additionally, certain conditions such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder can have anger as a symptom.

When you feel like you’re getting angry, or when you’re already angry, take a moment to pause and reflect on the potential causes and provocations that could be behind that anger. Doing this can help you better understand your anger. When you acknowledge and create space to address the root causes of your anger, you’ve made a great start to managing your anger in a healthy way.

Effective Tips for Anger Management

Your anger doesn’t have to get the best of you. You shouldn’t be afraid of your feelings of anger, nor should you allow your anger to seek expression in unhealthy ways. Unhealthy expressions of anger can include passive-aggressive expressions of anger, such as giving others the cold shoulder or silent treatment. Anger can also be expressed inward through self-deprecating comments or depriving yourself of comfort and affection.

Other unhealthy expressions of anger include outbursts, hurling insults at others, getting physically violent, shouting, or cursing. Instead of these unhealthy expressions of anger, there are other ways to handle your anger, including ways to express it well.

Some helpful and effective tips for anger management include the following:

1. Identify your triggers

What makes you angry? When you recognize and become aware of the situations, people, or emotions that trigger your anger, you’ll be better prepared to face them.

2. Find ways to relax

Dealing with anger isn’t just something you do in the moment. Taking certain actions can give you more capacity before, during, and after you experience feelings of anger. Exercising regularly reduces stress and anxiety, for instance. In a situation where anger is rearing its head, take a time-out and step away from the situation so that you can calm down before reacting.

Other ways of relaxing and dealing with the physiological effects of anger include relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, visualization, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation. Try to get enough sleep, as a lack of sleep can increase your irritability and diminish your critical faculties.

3. Communicate (your anger) effectively

Learning to communicate effectively can help you avoid misunderstandings, and it can help you avoid disappointment due to unclear expectations. It’s important to learn how to express your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully, and this includes when you’re feeling angry.

As you relate to others, practice empathy by trying to understand others’ perspectives and feelings. Another effective tool in communication is to listen more than you speak. Listening with empathy, without judgment, and without jumping to conclusions can help you temper your feelings of anger. As you share what you’ve experienced, express your feelings using “I” statements instead of blaming or shaming others.

4. Set boundaries

For your well-being, you need to establish clear limits and expectations in your relationships with others. Communicating your boundaries clearly can help you avoid remaining in toxic situations where your well-being is undermined.

5. Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness releases you from the burden of needing vengeance against those who harmed you. Just as God forgave you of your sins (Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 6:14-15, 18:21-35), forgive what others have done to you. Don’t hold on to grudges and resentments. Unforgiveness can result in physical and emotional health issues and affect your relationship with yourself, the Lord, and others.

6. Think about journaling

Writing out what you’re feeling through journaling can be a way for you to not only process but also release the emotions you’re reflecting on.

7. Seek help

You can seek support from others by talking to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. A mental health professional can help you if anger is impacting your daily life. They can help you walk through and identify the roots of your anger, and you can begin the work of unlearning unhealthy patterns of anger. Your counselor can teach you how to cope better with anger.

Finding Support through Additional Tips for Anger Management

Learning how to manage your anger is a process. Part of that process is finding what works best for you to bring your anger under control. With patience and consistent work, you can do it!

With the compassionate help of a Christian counselor, you can find your way toward healthy anger, and a healthier life. If you are ready for additional support beyond these tips for anger management, call our office today to make an appointment with me or another Christian counselor in our office.