A Christian Counselor on the Question Every Man Asks

Do you think you can kill a lion or steal from a pride of lions? For a long time, this was the most crucial question asked of boys coming into manhood in ancient African cultures. To become a member of society, to marry, and to be respected, a pubescent boy had to hunt and bag his own lion. In a twist on that theme, hunters in southern Kenya have today been known to walk straight up to a pride of lions feasting on their kill, scare them away, and take their food from them because of their confidence, courage, and audacity.

Do I Have What it Takes to Be a Man?

Do I have courage in the face of adversity? Do I have a strong enough sense of self to face and prevail against personal challenge, and to do what is right? “Can I kill or steal from a lion?” These are all variations on a central theme: Do I have what it takes as a man? This has always been the question of men of all ages. It is cross-cultural, universal, timeless. It is an essential question which must be answered, or else there remains a nagging self-doubt that can haunt a man for life. The essence of being a man is more than simply being a biologically mature male. It has to do with one’s core identity and one’s character, which is revealed in the daily actions that express one’s will and one’s heart. A man takes responsibility, is proactive, and does what is right – even if it hurts.

A Man Takes Responsibility for Himself and His Actions

Taking responsibility means the willingness to stand up and to own what I have done and said, and what I have left undone and unsaid, as well as the way I went about it.It is a willingness to follow through on my commitments and my word and to experience the consequences of my choices without blaming others. Responsibility is expressed in naming my issues, acknowledging my choices made, recognizing my perceptions, admitting my problem, and embracing my calling. A man will take responsibility for his own feelings and needs. A man seeks to make amends and restitution when he has wronged another, and pursues redemption and restoration as far as it is up to and depends on him. A man is willing to confront within himself what needs to change for his life to be healthier, more life-giving, and good for others.

A Man is Proactive and Courageous

A man is proactive. He is not passive, but courageous. He is willing to initiate reconciliation and positive change, and does the right thing – even if he has to stand alone. His attitude is: “Whatever it takes from me I’ll do, trusting God for the results.” A man renounces and rejects passivity. This is what Adam failed to do. His sin was not just disobeying God, but standing aside passively as Eve disobeyed.

Doing What is Right, Even when it Hurts

A man does what is right – even if it hurts. He seeks to protect the innocent and the most vulnerable, speaks up for righteousness and against injustice, tells the truth, avoids evil, respects all, and gives himself for the sake of others. Like the other qualities of manhood, these characteristics are exemplified in Jesus.

 Christian Counseling for Growth in Manhood

In western culture, lacking rites of passage, fathers and mentors,and often isolated from extended family and community, many men come into adulthood without an essential validation of manhood. Michael Gurian, a mental health counselor and acclaimed author of many books on the unique needs of boys and men, identifies core themes for men in therapy: manhood, respect, character, and motivation. Christian counseling can help men to understand these core themes, both from the perspective of one’s own personal history and from the perspective of the Scriptures. Honest reflection on one’s deficits often clarifies the next steps of one’s healing journey. However, we are not defined by our deficits. To hear the truth about me from God’s perspective, and to experience validation from others who are living into that truth, can be a powerful experience. At Seattle Christian Counseling we can provide a helpful and supportive setting to consider truth, to be encouraged and mentored into taking steps of growth and restoration as a man.

We can help you work through steps of repentance as you turn away from false ways of being a man. While counseling can provide helpful insight, truth, and encouragement, every man needs male friends, mentors, coaches, and a spiritual community to bless, support, and reinforce what is true. This combination of counsel and community has been instrumental in my life. Men, if you have a longing to become more solid in your male identity, please contact me. I would be happy to explore the possibility with you.