Seattle Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Coaching
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and Loss
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
      • Professional Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
      • Marriage Intensive
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group – Chris Chandler
      • Anxiety and Depression Counseling
        Group for Teens and Adolescents
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sexual Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • AnacortesAnacortes
    • Bellevue
    •  1Bothell
    • Edmonds
    •  1Everett
    •  1Federal Way
    • kentKent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    • The Rhythm Reset: How to Navigate Boundaries and Stress 1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    •  1Redmond
    •  1Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    •  1Tacoma
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (206) 388-3929Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on Codependency

Seattle Christian Counseling
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Image-12.jpg 400 273
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/seattle-greenlake-6-scaled.jpg
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
Photo of Amanda Rowett

Amanda Rowett

Dec
2013
20

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on Codependency

Amanda Rowett

CodependencyCouples CounselingMarriage Counseling

Part 1 of a 2-Part Perspective on Codependency Series

 

Mark is a sweet and caring guy and is well liked by all his friends. He is also considered thoughtful and a good listener. Mark takes care of everyone and does everything people ask him to do. Yesterday he drove his friend to the airport, helped his uncle landscape his yard, and then came home to help his girlfriend with her homework. Mark has a hard time saying no to anyone.

Taking a closer look into Mark’s life, you will see that he is unhappy, lonely, and struggles with feelings of worthlessness. Deep down, Mark helps people in order to get them to like him. He feels important when he is needed and without being needed he feels useless. He finds himself saying yes to things he does not want to do, but hates being alone and is always in a relationship. He feels hurt by his current girlfriend’s criticisms and harsh words towards him. Nancy is always yelling at him and putting him down. Making decisions is very stressful for Mark and he questions his own judgment, but Nancy seems to make Mark’s decisions for him very easily. Mark works hard to please his girlfriend and so he is always agreeable. He buys her flowers, writes her love notes, and calls her every day. Mark seems to be the one initiating dates, but Nancy seems distracted and distant. When they fight she blames Mark for their problems and he is quick to accept the blame. But Mark does not share his hurt feelings because he is afraid of hurting Nancy or, even worse, of losing her. He feels trapped in this controlling relationship, but feels powerless to change his situation and so he stays with her.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Codependency in Relationships

In this two-part series, I am going to be looking at what codependency is and at some of the characteristics of the codependent person. We all desire wholeness, but we can search for it in unhealthy ways. One of the tasks of Christian counseling is to help us to identify relationships that are not working well so that we can take steps to change them and to grow into the people whom we are meant to be.

Searching for Wholeness

When we think of the word “codependent,” many associations come to mind, such as a spouse of an alcoholic or addict. Codependency is also referred to as “love or relationship addiction,” but this term can extend beyond such areas. According to Barry and Janae Weinhold, a codependent relationship involves two “half persons attempting to create one whole person” (2008, p. xii). Both persons are unable to act independently of each other. Basically, codependency refers to an unhealthy attachment to another person in order to make oneself feel whole. Johnson defines codependency as, “when someone becomes so preoccupied with someone else that they neglect themselves” (2004, p. 387). In other words, codependents are looking for something outside of themselves in order to make themselves feel happy and fulfilled. They often have a history of abusive or neglectful parents, alcoholism in their family of origin, dysfunctional parental relationships, or a destructive partner. Some speculate that codependency stems from early development and Weinhold and Weinhold believe that it is caused by “early developmental trauma during the first six months of life, which interferes with secure bonding” (2008, p. xi).

Relationship Addiction

Codependency is often referred to as a “relationship addiction,” which means that codependents use relationships in the same way that an addict may use alcohol or drugs. Relationships make them feel good about themselves and dull the pain of loneliness. Codependents believe that they are unable to function independently from their partner (Weinhold & Weinhold, 2008) and the thought of surviving without them seems unthinkable.

Obsessive Relationships

Codependents have an external frame of reference (Weinhold & Weinhold, 2008). This means that most of their energy and attention are focused on their partner. Codependents spend much of their time obsessing and worrying about their relationship. They constantly ask themselves questions like: “Do they like me? Will they leave me? Who are they talking to today? Where are they going?” This lack of security in the relationship wreaks havoc on their emotional state, creating fear, anxiety and depression.

Christian Counseling for Codependency

If you are reading this article and recognize yourself in what is described, do not despair. Christian counseling can help you to come to a better understanding of yourself and enable you to address unhealthy patterns in how you relate to others. By gaining a renewed appreciation of the gift of your own life, you will be in a better place to relate positively to others. If you would like to explore the possibility of Christian counseling, I would be happy to discuss this with you.

 

References
Johnson, S. (2004). Therapist’s Guide to Clinical Interventions. San Diego: Academic Press.
Weinhold, B. & Weinhold, J. (2008). Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap. Novato: Stillpoint Publishing.

Photos
Images from freedigitalphotos.net. “Handcuffed Female Hand” by sattva; “Love Is The Drug” by nuchylee

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Amanda Rowett
Schedule with Amanda
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Amanda Rowett

Licensed Mental Health Counselor
(206) 701-9133 amandar@seattlechristiancounseling.com

I am passionate about meeting people in their darkest places to help them discover their best self. I support my clients in developing a solid self so they can remain grounded while facing life's challenges. Whether you are confronting your fears, mourning a loss, finding your voice, or healing from trauma, I believe God is present and actively working on your behalf. The foundation of my work is based upon the belief that all people have intrinsic significance and every person’s story matters and is worth hearing. Read more articles by Amanda »

Other articles that might interest you...

4 Unique Characteristics of Christian Counseling for Couples
Seattle Christian Counseling

4 Unique Characteristics of Christian ...

Do You Need Christian Couples Counseling? Many couples have found themselves in need of outside perspective in order to cope...

continue reading »
Christian Pre-Marital Counseling and Conflict
Photo of Benjamin Deu

Benjamin Deu

Christian Pre-Marital Counseling and ...

Eyes Wide Open Ben Franklin advised those considering entering into matrimony, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-shut...

continue reading »
Codependency - A Christian Counselor's Perspective 2
Photo of Amanda Rowett

Amanda Rowett

Codependency – A Christian ...

Part 2 of a 2-Part Perspective on Codependency Series In my previous article, I introduced the topic of codependency and...

continue reading »

About Amanda

Photo of Amanda Rowett

Amanda Rowett, MA, LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

I am passionate about meeting people in their darkest places to help them discover their best self. I support my clients in developing a solid self so they can remain grounded while facing life's challenges. Whether you are confronting your fears, mourning a loss, finding your voice, or healing from trauma, I believe God is present and actively working on your behalf. The foundation of my work is based upon the belief that all people have intrinsic significance and every person’s story matters and is worth hearing. View Amanda's Profile

Recent articles by Amanda

  • Sep 17 · The Best Marriage Advice You’ll Ever Receive
  • Jun 18 · Comforting Verses for Grief and Loss: A Christian Counselor’s Selection
  • Feb 28 · How to Deal with Grief by Understanding These 13 Guidelines
See all articles by Amanda »

Related Services

  • Codependency
  • Couples Counseling
  • Marriage Counseling

Amanda's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Online (WA only) office

    Online (WA only)

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 388-3929
    444 Northeast Ravenna Boulevard Seattle, WA 98115

    View Office Details
Seattle Christian Counseling Logo
Seattle Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
Welcome to Seattle Christian Counseling. We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors with more than 20 office locations throughout Washington state for your convenience, including the Seattle neighborhoods of Greenlake, Ballard, and Downtown Lower Queen Anne. We look forward to meeting you soon.
© 2023 Seattle Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B, Seattle, WA 98115. Tel (206) 388-3929.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.