Building a Solid Relationship: Conversation Topics for Couples

Communication helps to build solid relationships. When we fall in love, our emotions lead us down a path that can sometimes blind us to our significant other’s faults. If we are not careful, we can allow the newness of a relationship and the love to keep us from learning more about the other person. It can also propel us to move too fast.

Talking to your significant other is critical, and asking questions to find out how they feel about important topics can save you years of heartache later. You need a list of conversation topics for couples to better understand the person you love. Love can carry you through, but respect, honor, and sharing the same dreams for the future will strengthen your relationship.

Conversation topics for couples.

Why is it that when we sit down with our loved ones, we cannot remember all the important things we want to discuss? Is it because we are afraid of rejection? If the relationship is new, you might worry that the union is over if the other person does not like your answers to a topic. But is it? Specific conversation topics for couples are hard to discuss, but you may be able to reach an agreement with a mediator like a counselor.

Being afraid to broach topics with a potential spouse is not a good sign. It might mean that you have past issues that need to be addressed. Or avoiding the hard conversations may be about how you feel about the other person. Do they emotionally distance themselves when they talk about their childhood? Do they get angry when you ask about past relationships?

As you discuss the following topics, keep your ears (and your mind) open. Employ active listening by asking questions and showing an interest in the answers. Listen more to what your partner is saying than to the next thing you plan to say. Let the conversations grow organically.

Religious and spiritual views. Being from the same religious background can cause less stress later in the relationship. If your beliefs are too different, it can cause severe problems later, especially if you try to rear your children in your prospective faiths.

Also, if you are a Christian, but your significant other is not a Believer, the lack of faith in God can cause weak spots in your relationship foundation. The Bible states, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV)

If you are married to an unbeliever, hope is not lost. You can pray for God to reach your spouse’s heart and use your behavior as an example of how a Christian spouse responds to situations.

Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. – 1 Peter 3:1-2, NIV

Start by asking if your partner is a Christian. If they are, what do they believe precisely? Do your beliefs line up? Do your beliefs or differences follow Scripture? If you want children, how do you plan to raise them in the faith?

Relationship expectations.

Entering a new relationship brings expectations. Your experiences from past relationships or what you observed in your parents’ relationship can bleed into a new union. What do you expect in a relationship? Do you expect your significant other to be exclusive, dating only you? Is infidelity a non-negotiable for you both?

What about lies? Are you willing to overlook little, white lies because you tell them too? Do you know your loved one’s past relationship history? Those past relationships can influence behaviors.

Did your partner go days without calling their significant other while dating? When angry, do you slam doors or hide in a room until the confrontation is over? As you ask questions, make sure you are clear about expectations on both sides.

Child-rearing ideas.

We tend to base our child-rearing ideas and beliefs on past experiences. We may mimic how we were raised or avoid certain behaviors with our children. For example, if your father whipped you with a belt when you got into trouble, you may choose to discipline your child differently.

However, some behaviors become ingrained and are passed down through the generations. Perhaps your mother slapped you in the face for lying as her mother did her. Years later, when faced with lies told by your teenage daughter, you react and hit her in the face. This may be a behavior that you abhor, yet it is a reflex. Counseling may help you overcome this reaction.

You can start this line of questioning by asking your loved one how they were disciplined growing up. How do they feel about corporate punishment? How do they see themselves disciplining their children? What behaviors do they not want to be repeated?

Finances.

Many people do not like to talk about finances. Either they want to keep that part of them private, or they were never taught enough about money. But money is a fact of life, and if you plan to have a future with someone, then you need to know their beliefs on money.

How do they feel about shared finances? If you were to marry, would you have a shared checking and savings account, individual accounts, or a combination of the two? Who will be in charge of actually paying the bills? How will you handle everyday expenses?

Do your beliefs about finances align? Does your partner tithe and pay off debt, or are they struggling to make ends meet and in debt? If you marry, will you assume this debt? These are critical questions to ask if you plan to buy a house together.

Even if your future spouse intends to bear all the financial responsibility of paying the bills, it is in your best interest to be financially literate and aware of the total income and expenses.

Vision for the future.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Do you have a clear picture of what you want for the future? If it is with this person, are you willing to relocate if a job requires it, or do you want to stay in the same city? How important is having a family for you?

Does your vision for the future mesh with your loved one’s dreams? Some couples agree to work on each other’s goals. For example, your significant other may work two jobs so you can complete your college degree with the understanding that after you graduate and find suitable work, he can go back to college or start a business.

The plan for the future that you create is like a roadmap. You will make changes as life events happen, but you can pivot and still reach your goals. However, some plans may fail to work, which you need to discuss. For example, what if you want a career in the city but he wants to be a missionary in Sudan? Can you make this work? It is not impossible, but it will require prayer, wisdom, and seeking counsel.

Are you looking for couples counseling?

When you love one another, you want to make the relationship work. But what if there are specific topics with which you disagree? Once you have spent time on conversation topics for couples and know where you stand, you may see issues. You can solve some of these issues with compromise, but others may be non-negotiable.

Attending couples counseling can help open the door to communication in a safe and trusted environment. Your counselor can provide strategies and key talking points so you can make informed decisions together. Contact us today to schedule an appointment with a counselor for either an in-person or virtual session.