Can a Sexless Marriage Be Saved?

Each marriage has a unique balance of physical intimacy. A sexless marriage is the last thing a couple wants to experience. A sexless marriage can leave both people feeling disconnected and unsatisfied. For some couples, this may not be a problem, but if it is causing stress, it should be addressed with a counselor.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8, ESV

What is a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is experiencing a loss of physical intimacy. This loss often remains unspoken, and the couple may become bound in tension. They become quiet because they don’t want to hurt one another over something they aren’t sure is repairable.

What creates a sexless marriage?

Some common events can cause a change in the sex life of a couple and create an environment of a sexless marriage.

• Stress can make it difficult to relax and engage in physical intimacy for some people. Life is busy, and it will often get in the way of many areas in marriage. This includes the desire to be intimate and sexual with each other.
• Unresolved conflict that is holding back emotional engagement can be a factor. Often, couples find themselves in a sexless marriage after a painful argument. As time continues to create a communication gap, the desire to be intimate begins to fade.
• Physical issues related to engagement in intimacy can contribute to the depletion of sex in a marriage.
• Mismatched sex drives can become a factor in creating a sexless marriage between spouses who have different ideas about the amount of sexual intimacy desired. One way to overcome this situation is to communicate.
• Depression or other medical conditions can create a low libido.
• Monotony in a long-term marriage can create a sense of boredom. This makes it seem as though sex is a chore rather than an important part of the relationship.
• The use of porn can create a problem in the physical intimacy of a marriage due to loss of interest in true intimacy.

These are the most common issues that can create a sexless marriage. If you are experiencing any of these, it may help to connect with a Christian counselor in your area.

How does a sexless marriage affect mental health?

A marriage that lacks intimate connection can have effects on mental health just as much as emotional health. When a marriage lacks an intimate connection, it can cause feelings of loneliness, rejection, and shame. When a person begins to feel any of these emotions, it can create a negative thought process, which can result in depression and anxiety.

The most common effect that a sexless marriage has on mental health is on self-esteem. When a spouse avoids sexual intimacy, it can create a heavy sense of rejection in the other spouse, which can be reflected in feelings of inadequacy. This erosion can cultivate a pathway for other mental health issues.

As the couple continues to remain quiet about the issue, the distance becomes greater, and the emotional effects begin to affect mental health through the increase in stress and tension. This can create physical ailments such as headaches, insomnia, eating issues, and possibly fatigue. They may also struggle with concentration and mental clarity.

Strategies to Repair a Sexless Marriage

To the couple experiencing a sexless marriage, it may seem hopeless to attempt to rebuild the relationship. But there are ways to revive the marriage and physical intimacy. The key factor is that each spouse must be intentional about their role in the rebuilding process.

Communication

One of the most critical aspects of any relationship, with or without sex, is communication. Without communicating, it is difficult to navigate a healthy relationship. The top things that need to be communicated are:

• Desires.
• Performance problems.
• Issues that are connected, such as feeling tired, sick, or just not in the mindset.
• Reminders of why the couple fell in love.

Just go with it

This may sound like it is unethical, but when it comes to having a low libido, it could be what brings back the desire to be intimate with each other. This may be because the low-libido spouse chooses to engage in sexual intimacy even though they may not “feel” like it.

Plan it out

Today’s world is busy. It takes both spouses to create a healthy home. Don’t let this keep intimacy at bay. When the couple wants to move out of a sexless marriage, it will mean that they must set aside time intentionally. It is normal to plan a night of physical intimacy. This can create anticipation that will encourage the mood of each person.

Be romantic

Romance is one of the major ingredients in intimacy in a marriage. It is always a good idea to find a way to bring romance into the marriage. Love notes, date nights, and quiet candlelit time together can create romantic feelings that open the door to intimacy.

Just be intimate

Being intimate does not have to include sex. Intimacy can be as simple as cuddling, kissing, and having a loving conversation. Verbal and physical affection are great ways to engage in intimacy with one another. There are times when a quiet evening spent holding one another while reading or watching a movie can create a desire to ignite a spark of sexual intimacy.

Have fun

When it comes to intimacy and sex, it doesn’t have to be the same old routine. Spicing up the moment depends on what the couple chooses to do out of the norm. A new place can often create a sense of something different with excitement. Mixing it up with creativity can move the couple into a place that feels less routine.

Try therapy

Engaging in couples therapy is not as drastic as it may seem. With the right Christian counselor, a couple can get on the right track away from a sexless marriage in no time. The couple can learn how to break the cycle of a sexless marriage and learn how to communicate needs, desires, and concerns.

Medical help

Men and women can each have a physical issue that makes sex difficult and sometimes painful. This can often be helped by meeting with a primary care physician. A physician can prescribe medications that will help most dysfunctions or other issues.

Get healthy together

While this may seem far-fetched, being healthy physically as well as mentally can increase the desire to engage in physical intimacy. Taking time to exercise together and choose a healthy lifestyle allows the couple to see a beautiful transformation, which can lead to a new desire. This can also increase the self-esteem of each person and lead to having a positive body image.

Next Steps

A sexless marriage can seem like there is nothing left in the marriage. This is far from the truth. Even though resolving a sexless marriage can be challenging, it is doable. It will take an intentional decision by the couple to engage in restoring intimacy.

To find out more information about strategies to help with a sexless marriage, contact your local Christian counselor and set up an appointment for you and your spouse. This will get you started on a faith-based plan to enhance the area of intimacy in your marriage.

But at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. – Mark 10:6-8, ESV