Depression After a Breakup: Paths Toward Healing

Going through a breakup is one of the most common experiences that people have in life. Romantic relationships unfortunately come to an end, whether they are just getting off the ground, or have lasted for years. There are many reasons why this happens and also many possible consequences, one of which is experiencing depression after a breakup.

Why Breakups Hurt and How They Can Affect You

Emotional pain can be just as hurtful and debilitating as physical injury. A breakup hurts for a variety of reasons and can lead to depression. One reason breaking up with someone hurts is that it’s the loss of a relationship. The sense of connection that came with it is also gone, leaving you in grief. Depending on the significance of the relationship, it means a huge shift in the course of your life, which can be disorienting.

The breakup can affect you in several ways. This is influenced by the nature and significance of the relationship, the reason for the breakup, and your own personal resources for coping with challenges. People can respond to a breakup in unhealthy ways. Unhelpful coping mechanisms can hinder your healing and lead to even more harm.

Some common unhealthy ways people try to get over a breakup include destructive behaviors like violent or angry outbursts, having unsafe and promiscuous sex, or using a rebound relationship or casual fling as a salve. Substance abuse, whether through excessive drinking, abusing prescription medications, using recreational drugs, or smoking may all be maladaptive ways of handling the situation.

Others may choose emotional escapism as a way to deal with what’s happened. Common forms of escapism include binge-watching shows or movies, using busyness to avoid slowing and thinking, shopping or spending as a form of therapy, gaming excessively, or overindulging in social media. A person may even indulge the fantasy that their ex will change or come back.

After a breakup, some people may engage in negative thought patterns and unhealthy social interactions as ways to cope. These include obsessively thinking about the relationship, engaging in self-blame or self-loathing, harassing their ex, or seeking retaliation against them, spreading rumors and gossip, sabotaging their ex, joining toxic online groups, seeking constant validation, or using loved ones as emotional crutches.

Lastly, self-neglect may be one way a breakup affects a person. Rejection can result in lower self-esteem, and the loss of the relationship can lead to disruptions in your routines. Often, the result is self-neglect, which may include not eating well or getting exercise, disregarding your own boundaries, isolating oneself from others, or not paying attention to your mental health.

A breakup doesn’t always or necessarily result in these negative coping mechanisms. A person can go the route of seeking support and constructively caring for themselves. If the relationship was unhealthy, the breakup can provide room for healing and personal growth.

In the aftermath of a breakup, it’s important to avoid holding unrealistic expectations of yourself or the situation. You may not get immediate healing or a sense of closure about everything. Recovering from a breakup won’t be easy, even if you’re glad to be past the relationship, and you mustn’t assume that entering a new relationship will be the fix you need.

Depression After a Breakup

One of the possibilities that may result after a breakup includes depression. Depression is a mood disorder that affects how a person feels, thinks, and acts. It’s more than just feelings of sadness that you’ll get over with some distracting activities. It goes deeper than that.

Depression after a breakup is common, and it can be overwhelming. The loss of a relationship can trigger grief. One possible outcome of a breakup is hormonal changes such as dopamine and oxytocin levels dropping, which can affect one’s mood. Not only that, but a breakup can disrupt a person’s sense of self.

For several reasons, some people are more prone to depression after they go through a breakup. For instance, if they have a history of trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder, or if they or other family members have had past experiences of depression or anxiety, they may be prone to depression after a breakup.

Other factors that may play a role are their life circumstances. If, for instance, they don’t have social support, have other health issues, have to undergo other major changes such as moving or losing their job, that can contribute to depression. Additionally, personality traits such as perfectionism may result in self-criticism and unrealistic expectations, which can trigger and exacerbate depression.

If a person lacks coping skills and the emotional resilience needed to deal with the loss of a relationship, that can also factor in depression. The situation may be worsened if they are highly sensitive, when the relationship was intense or lengthy, or when the breakup is unexpected and sudden. These may serve to intensify the emotional pain and increase the likelihood of depression.

The last set of factors that could play a role in depression after a breakup are issues such as experiencing cyberbullying or being mired in social media comparisons. A person’s age may also be a factor, as older adults and young adults are seemingly more vulnerable.

Symptoms of Depression

Some signs of depression to look out for include the following:

• Headaches, stomach issues, or body aches that don’t go away with the typical treatments.
• Feeling persistently sad, empty, or hopeless.
• A loss of interest in things that were previously enjoyable, such as hobbies or socializing with loved ones .
• Changes in appetite, sleep patterns, or energy levels.
• Cognitive issues, like difficulty concentrating, remembering things, or making decisions.
• Feeling irritable and short with others, anxious, or restless.
• Feelings of self-blame, guilt, or excessive negative self-talk.

It’s important to note that as you keep an eye out for these signs of depression, everyone’s experience with breakups and with depression is unique. However, if you find that you’re struggling to cope in the aftermath of a breakup, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You should seek help particularly if you have persistent feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, if you have suicidal thoughts or feelings, or if you have difficulty functioning.

Finding Healing after a Breakup

A breakup is a significant loss that can impact you in profound ways for years to come. It’s not going overboard to grieve the loss; in fact, it’s an appropriate response to the situation. Finding healing after a breakup will take time. You need to be intentional about doing the things that promote your well-being while avoiding those things that could undermine it.

In the aftermath of the breakup, some immediate steps you can take include simply creating room to grieve your loss. Others may not recognize it as loss, but that shouldn’t take away from you creating space for yourself to grieve. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising and staying hydrated, connecting with loved ones, and being kind toward yourself.

Following that first month or so, you can begin to do the work of processing the situation. Through journaling, meditating, writing a letter to yourself or to your ex, you can begin finding ways to express your emotions and thoughts about everything that’s happened. You can begin crafting new routines as you start rebuilding your life.

Part of processing your situation may involve going to a support group or talking to a counselor or therapist. Talking to someone who’s entirely separate from the situation can help you in reflecting on the relationship to identify lessons and areas of personal growth to attend to. It can take time to think through these things and make sense of everything.

After a few months, you can work on your personal growth. This may include things as diverse as setting new boundaries, trying out new activities and hobbies, learning new skills, traveling and exploring different places, nurturing new friendships, or rediscovering passions and interests that you’d set aside.

Part of setting healthy boundaries with yourself may include taking steps like avoiding entering rebound relationships. It may mean limiting contact with your ex to the strictly necessary, which could include no social media contact, or taking a break from shared spaces. You will also need to prioritize self-care and your well-being, while having boundaries with mutual friends and loved ones.

Taking care of yourself may include using healthy activities like reading, being out in nature, immersing yourself in studying Scripture, volunteering, or being creative through art. These aren’t meant to be a substitute for doing the hard work of healing. You still need to face the fact of the breakup and learn to cope.

If you’ve gone through a breakup, know that it’s okay to not be okay. Depression after a breakup is a real possibility, so reach out and talk to someone if you are experiencing symptoms. Call our offices today to set up an appointment with one of the therapists in our directory.