Grief And Loss Activities That Can Really Help Ease the Heartache

Grief is a complex emotional experience that can affect multiple aspects of one’s life. Grief and experiences of loss are not only experienced with the death of a loved one. We experience grief and feelings of loss with the ending of relationships, the loss of a dream or opportunity, loss of a job, or even a transition into a new season of life.

Although grief is a natural and appropriate process when experiencing an ending in life, it can be difficult and sometimes overwhelming to deal with and work through. The grief process can look different in different people but many will often experience feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression in reaction to any form of loss.

It can be difficult to resume what was our normal pattern of life before the loss. It is also important to remember that although grief is most often associated with feelings of sadness and mourning, feelings of joy, contentment, and often humor do not have to be absent. There are different types of grief and no standard way to process a loss.

Later in this article, we will explore some grief and loss activities that can really help to ease the heartache. These activities may assist you in acknowledging and processing some of your feelings surrounding your grief and loss.

Grief can be complicated and is not a singular event or linear process. There is no one way of grieving that is best. The experience of grief is unique to an individual and no timetable exists for concluding it. Some people may be more emotionally expressive and desire to talk through what they are experiencing and hold close to things that remind them of pleasant memories and feelings.

Whereas others may be naturally more stoic in their process and prefer to turn to distraction from difficult feelings about something that they feel they are unable to change. But finding a way that personally acknowledges what you are going through in a healthy way, whether that be with others or in times on your own, is important in the process of grief and loss.

Types of Grief

As mentioned above, grief and loss can come in many different shapes and sizes. Sometimes grief can occur in anticipation of a potential death or loss and can look very similar to grief experienced after a death. Also, in expected grief people are able to prepare or have the opportunity to make efforts at finding closure before a loss.

On the flip side, unexpected grief is experienced when a loss occurs suddenly or without warning. This can feel like an assault for someone and shock or trauma may accompany their grieving process. One common type of grief is shadow or anniversary grief which is prompted by a holiday, special date, or anniversary of a loss and which can illicit further experiences of loss. This type of grief can often catch a person off guard.

Another common experience with grief is something called “grief over secondary losses,” in which a primary loss initiates further compounding loss such as where the death of a loved one also results in financial loss or loss of freedom.

Complicated grief is when the grief experience does not follow the generally expected norm due to compounding elements that could include multiple losses, lack of support, trauma, loss of a long-term relationship, loss of a child, etc.

Still another type of grief is called disenfranchised grief in which the grief cannot be socially supported, validated, or openly acknowledged. This is a form a complicated grief. As you can see there are varying types of grief which serve to illustrate the fact that grief can look like and be experienced in such a variety of ways and timelines.

Grief and Loss Activities

There are some activities that may help you through various stages of your grieving journey. It can be beneficial to do some of these exercises with someone you trust or a counselor to be able to process through and bear witness to your grief journey.

Rituals, symbols

Rituals are simple yet deeply meaningful and can be a way to honor a loss. Creating something that intentionally symbolizes your decision to honor the grief of loss as well as the decision to continue living well in light of that loss can be a profound element of your grieving process.

A ritual may be as simple as playing certain music, lighting a candle, gardening or releasing a balloon into the sky. Another way to honor the memory of what or who was lost is to keep an object that represents or symbolizes the ritual in a place where you frequently see it to remind you of your ongoing and intentional grief journey.

Join a support group

Sometimes when walking through your grief process it can be difficult to share or to feel understood as the world continues around you. Finding a safe place that is designed to give permission for people acknowledge their loss, no matter how recent, distant, big or small, can provide an opportunity for support in a new way.

Support groups are not necessarily intended to provide answers, but they can be a space for you to enter into an environment that provides an opportunity to ask questions and share your experience alongside those also going through their own grief processes.

It can take courage to attend a group and open up about the vulnerable and intimate feelings that can be attached to grief, but they need to be shared. You need to know that you are not alone. In these groups, it’s okay not to have things all figured out, it’s okay not to be ready to move on, and it’s okay to merely be wherever you are in your process.

You can find support, encouragement, and understanding in groups and as a result, you may end up finding some resolution when feeling truly heard by those able to say “me, too.”

Keep a journal

You may find keeping a journal of what you are experiencing to be helpful. The process of putting emotions or thoughts onto paper is a method of getting things out and not allowing them to overwhelm you, but rather setting them in order in a place that can be closed and safely set aside until you feel like visiting them again.

There is no need to feel like you must do this as a daily practice as if there were some sort of repercussion for not diligently making an entry. Simply write out what you are experiencing when you feel like it.

Write a Letter

Sometimes in processing through the emotions from a sudden loss can be difficult due to a sense of unfinished business that remains an obstacle to moving forward in one’s grieving process. Finding a way to explore what may be going on can be helpful for expressing and releasing your feelings.

One way to do this is by writing a letter. Writing a sort of “unfinished business” letter creates an opportunity to search and discover what may have been left unsaid or unaddressed.

Simply taking time to write a letter addressed to the person, object, dream, or opportunity that was lost can provide a way for you to ask or express things that you may not have had the chance to ask or express before. Consider addressing some of the following points: I wish I had…I wanted to say…I was afraid to bring up…I never got to ask…etc.

Once you have completed the letter, reread it to yourself. What did you learn from writing this letter? Consider what you experienced as you wrote the letter as well as what you felt after completing it. This letter can be a one time exercise or an ongoing practice for you to express, explore, and revisit when needed.

Remember, there is no right way to do this. This letter is a starting point for you to organize your thoughts or emotions that may have been difficult to name before. Naming unfinished business and addressing what comes up with that can be a big step in continuing in your grieving journey.

Outreach

Oftentimes stepping outside of our own process for a moment can actually be a healing and rewarding part of the grieving process. Taking the time to find someone that may have had a similar grief experience and reaching out to them can be an opportunity to encourage and share in the acknowledgment of what grief is.

Connecting, sharing, and encouraging others who are perhaps not as far along in their grief as you can be a rewarding experience. Opening your heart to someone to show empathy in a way that not everyone will have a capacity for if they themselves have not gone through a similar grief story, can be a way to use your own pain to further experience love and compassion.

Tips for Coping

Don’t isolate yourself. You do not have to grieve alone. Find someone you feel safe with to be there as you walk through your grief journey. Social groups, churches, family, and friends, all generally would like to help but may not know how. Reach out and explain what you need. Allow yourself to experience support from those that care about you.

Allow yourself to take time. Whatever this looks like, however long it takes, give yourself permission to deal with your grief in your own time. Be patient. Everyone experiences grief differently and in their own time. It is not a linear or straightforward process. It is normal for emotions to fluctuate. Know that you are allowed to experience your loss at your own pace.

Take care of yourself. With the overwhelming feelings associated with grief and loss, it can be difficult to take care of yourself, which tends to stir up negative emotions. This can be difficult to climb out of. Be sure to make time to sleep, eat well, and exercise.

Be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to be creative and find things that allow you to express yourself and get lost in what you are doing. This can give a respite from some heavy feelings accompanying loss.

Understand what prompts you to experience more intense symptoms of grief. These things can be anything from a song that prompts a memory to a particular date or milestone that brings back a lot of the feelings of grief and loss. It can be helpful to identify and create a plan for what will be most helpful for you to do when you are caught off guard or even aware of an upcoming event or holiday that might be painful.

Seeking Support

Not all loss, grief, or emotional difficulty will require counseling. However, if your grief is causing you to seek solace in harmful activities, if the support of friends and family does not seem quite enough, if you are repeatedly finding yourself in painful situations, or if you are not feeling good about yourself and struggling with feeling out of control and overwhelmed, then please reach out.

Counseling can provide a space for you to share your grief story and find support throughout your process, helping with the progression from the pain to acceptance. Counseling can assist you in processing feelings surrounding the loss. Reach out to a counselor today to find a professional to walk alongside you as you learn about how to live with your new normal after a loss.

We are here to witness and honor your unique grief experience, connect you with support and resources, and help you to journey towards reinvesting your energy and emotions in a changing life after loss.