How to Cultivate Deep, Active Listening Skills

In searching for a person’s soul we might ask ourselves “do you see it? do you hear it? do you feel it?” Most often people look but don’t see. Touch but don’t feel and listen but don’t hear. It could take many years to learn how to see, feel, and hear the world.

In the contemporary culture of speed, how many of us have developed the sensory capacity to hear the world, or for that matter, to truly hear what others are saying to us?

Face-to face conversation is the social glue that shapes human relationships. The stories we tell one another are the foundation of our personal construction of reality. Narratives can underscore our human vulnerabilities. they can bring to the surface deep fears about how we confront misfortune, illness, uncertainty, and death – themes central to human being and to finding comfort in our skins.

These are questions that have a bearing on matters of health and illness, life and death and peace and war. In times of profound social alienation, the practice of deep sensuous listening may represent a step toward better human connection and enhanced well-being.

The sensuous give and take of storytelling and deep listening caresses the textures of the past, secretes the bitterness of oppression and the tastes the sourness of dispossession, especially in contexts of social inequality that characterize relations.

The slowly developed practice of deep listening to hear others is a process that we can use to bridge the gulf that creates painful and potentially dangerous human disconnection. In our troubled times, the practice of deep listening is a needed ingredient that can enhance our well-being in the world.

The goal of deep listening is to acquire information, understand a person or a situation, and experience pleasure. Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others – their words and their messages – without being distracted.

It’s been said that one of the most common reasons why people see therapists is to have their stories heard. In order to have your story heard, you need to have a listener.

Empathy and active listening skills are the hallmarks of good communicators, leaders, and therapists. Active listening skills can be learned, but the reality is, some people just tend to be better listeners than others.

By listening carefully when someone speaks, we’re telling them that we care about what they’re saying. It’s also important to remember that listening is contagious. When we listen to others, then chances are they will be more inclined to listen to us.

The good news is that we can learn to be better listeners; however, developing and growing our active listening skills takes practice. The more we do it, the better we get at it, and the more positive our interpersonal relationships will be.