How to Tell If You Are in a Serious Relationship

The excitement of a new relationship can leave you jittery, hanging on the edge of your seat, trying to decipher if this is the one. But is he or she the one – the one person you might spend the rest of your life with, settled down, and maybe with a family someday? You know how you feel about them. Does this person feel the same way about you?

Deciphering whether you are in a serious relationship is sometimes challenging. Not everyone expresses their emotions and thoughts as you might. Some people are afraid to be the first person to declare their love. They fear rejection and saying something that will make the other person disappear. This fear can keep people emotionally distant.

How To Tell If It Is a Serious Relationship

But saying “I love you” does not confirm that you are in a serious relationship, although being able to say the words and mean them is crucial. Your behavior and speech toward one another show how much you care. Does your boyfriend think about you when he is out? Does your girlfriend text you in her downtime or pick you up something nice that she sees in a store and thinks you would like?

These small gestures do not seem like much compared to an engagement ring, but they mark the beginnings of emotional intimacy, another key factor in a serious relationship. As you navigate your relationship, be upfront about your intentions.

Are you dating someone with the future in mind, or are you dating them to get back in the game after a divorce? Can you see yourself married to this person for the rest of your life, or is this someone you like to hang around with when your friends are busy? Be clear on your relationship intentions to keep from hurting someone who may be looking for a serious relationship.

Ask yourself the following questions about the status of your relationship.

Are you both over your exes?

You may not be over your ex if you have recently ended a relationship. Or your partner may still have some residual feelings toward their ex. Unfortunately, some relationships turn sour, and people enter new relationships with the baggage or trauma they experienced. This can cause trust issues in the new relationship.

Make sure you are not treating your partner as the rebound after the end of a relationship, and be sure that your partner is not still hung up on their ex. Does she talk about her ex a great deal? Does she act differently around him, say, when he picks the children up? Is she happy to see him or afraid? Do you feel a tingle of excitement when you think your ex is calling you? Sit down and discuss your relationship and be honest with one another.

Is it safe to be vulnerable?

Do you feel safe sharing your innermost feelings or your past with your partner? Vulnerability is scary, but when you are in a loving and serious relationship, you want to share your hopes and fears with the other person. You hope that they feel safe with you to share their stories.

Out of respect for the other person, never tell others what your partner confides. Even if the relationship does not work out in the long term, it is dishonorable to betray a confidence, no matter how angry you might be at the person. Would you want them to share your secrets with others?

Do you want to meet their family?

When you fall in love with someone, you want to know everything about them. You want to know where they grew up, their childhood and friends, and their family. You want to meet the people who may one day be your in-laws. If you don’t feel this way about your partner, ask yourself why.

It is normal for a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel nervous about meeting your family. But do they avoid your family and change the subject when you bring up meeting your parents? This may be a sign of an underlying issue. Try to get to the bottom of why they do not seem to want to meet your family.

Do you make plans to spend your days off together?

Of course, maintaining individual lives and pursuits is healthy in any relationship, but do you both tend to spend at least some time together when you are off work? It doesn’t have to be every day, but do you make a concerted effort to see the other person?

Perhaps you surprise her with coffee and a donut in the morning on your day off. Or you ask him over for homemade pizza one free evening? It doesn’t have to constitute a date; you both yearn to be in the other person’s presence.

Do you show up for each other?

We each have milestone moments in our lives. That could be winning an award, attending an event for work, or stepping out of our comfort zone to pursue a dream. Do you support your partner’s goals? Does she stand in the crowd as your biggest cheerleader?

It is more than just the public moments to consider. Does your partner support you in your decisions? Being supportive now lays the foundation for the future. You need to be able to stand by one another in the face of adversity. There will be moments when you alternate who is the stronger partner. In some situations, you will need to hold them up. In others, they will be your rock.

Do you “get” each other?

When a special someone who “gets” you comes along, you never want to let them go. We all feel awkward and out of place from time to time. Yet, life seems to come together when we find a person who sees and appreciates us for who we are. Do you feel that way about your partner? Does she “get” you and your eccentricities?

How do you feel about him? It may be that what you consider pet peeves is what makes him funny, quirky, or clever. Reconsider the things he does. Do you love him for it? Do you share the same humor and inside jokes? These little things do matter.

Are you considering a future together?

Do you find yourself starting sentences with “we” instead of “I”? When you begin planning for both of you to attend events and parties and never once consider not going together, you are probably in a serious relationship with plans for the future. You may have even discussed where you will live together five or ten years from now, what house you would like to share, and where you would like to send the kids to school.

These are all plans that show your intentions for the relationship. When you both express a desire to move things forward, a sense of security embeds into the relationship. You feel at ease knowing that your partner returns your effort and feelings. Your trust grows as you weave even deeper into each other’s lives. People see you as a couple, and you are proud to walk into the future together.

How Couples Therapy Can Make a Difference

If you believe you are in a serious relationship, then you may be considering the next step. But, before you walk down the aisle, consider attending couples therapy together. Couples counseling will open the floor for discussion on topics you may not have thought about before, like how you will manage your finances, religious beliefs, in-laws, and if you plan to have children, parenting styles.

Your therapist can also teach effective communication skills and conflict-resolution strategies to serve your relationship for decades. Contact our office today to schedule a session with me or another couples therapist to discuss the future of your relationship.