Marital Unfaithfulness Can Be More Than Just An Affair

Infidelity involves professing to believe what one does not. -Thomas Payne

The word “infidelity” often makes us think about marital disloyalty or unfaithfulness. However,the definition of “infidelity” stretches beyond adultery. Infidelity, as it appears, can be an everyday struggle we all face, in which we act or speak differently from the standards to which we claim to live by.

Webster’s dictionary defines infidelity as, “unfaithfulness to a moral obligation: disloyalty.” Dictionaty.com defines it as, “unfaithfulness, disloyalty, a breach of trust or disloyal act, a transgression.” Based on these definitions, most of us are guilty of infidelity, because at one time or another we have professed to believe something that we really do not.

Have you ever felt discontent within your marriage yet you pretend to be okay? If I am not happy with my spouse, and something is bothering me, it is likely that I will become inpatient or rude. Maybe I do not willingly help around the house or with the children in a way that is consistent with me. I become undependable, and the breech in the relationship continues to grow. Yet, every morning as I say goodbye, I quickly kiss my spouse and mutter an, “I love you.” There is falseness in my statement, as my actions do not show love, but rather hostility. Intimacy is rare not only physically, but also emotionally.

Or we say we love our spouse to a group of friends, yet it is easy to talk negatively about our husband or wife around them. We point out their faults and their actions in a negative way. We complain about them. We do not honor their name or regard them with esteem. We are disrespectful and dishonoring to the person we vowed to love. What is worse, we paint a picture of our spouse before others that is negative; we stain their honor before others. We betray them with our words; we are disloyal to them. Yet, we claim to love them.

Sometimes, we tell ourselves that we are doing okay, although we know deep inside that we are not. The stress of life becomes overwhelming, yet we carry on as if we were in control. The falseness and inconsistency in which we can live is enough to pull us down and make us feel depressed, anxious, or disconnected from our hearts. How often are you aware of how you are really feeling?

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

Matthew 5:8 MSG

Later in the Sermon of the Mount, Jesus reminds us once again:

“And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.

Matthew 5:33-37 MSG

Friends, don’t say anything that you don’t mean, do not live with infidelity. Rather, get your inside world put right, know your heart. These inconsistent thoughts and feelings are typically symptoms of a greater problem in a marriage.

Images cc: freedigitalphotos.com -“Couple Lying In Bed Back-to-Back” by Ambro
“Couple In Bed, Men Sleeping And Woman Lying Disappointed” by photostock