Practical Tips for Coping with Grief

Grief is a normal response to the pain of losing someone or something important to us. However, coping with grief may be a different matter.

Loss can take many forms, from the end of a marriage or friendship to being laid off from a job, to losing a cherished possession, to a shattered dream, but for most people, the most devastating loss is the death of someone close.

There is no right or wrong way to cope with grief, no one method, and no normal amount of time. British psychiatrist and bereavement specialist, Dr. Colin Murray Parkes describes it as having four stages.

However, it is a nonlinear process with ups and downs. Some people move through the stages quickly, others more slowly, some go through them in a different order or skip a stage, and others go back to a stage and repeat it more than once.

The four stages of grief

Shock and numbness

During this stage, you feel overwhelmed by the loss and have trouble believing it really happened, especially if the death was sudden or unexpected. Denying the reality of it serves as a coping mechanism that helps you survive the initial shock and keep your emotions from overwhelming you as you try to understand and absorb what has happened.

Yearning and searching

As the numbness starts to wear off and you become acutely aware of the void in your life, you yearn to see your loved one again. You may feel profound sorrow, emptiness, confusion, cry a lot, and have a hard time focusing on anything else.

You try to connect with your loved one through reliving memories or looking through pictures and may have moments when you forget the permanence of your loss and expect him or her to suddenly walk through the door.

Despair and disorganization

As the reality sinks in that the person you are grieving is gone and you are hit by the magnitude of your loss, you start questioning why this happened and look for someone or something to blame.

You may experience pangs of guilt, fear, despair, hopelessness about the future, and/or feel angry at God, the person who died, or even yourself, and withdraw from others as well as disengage from activities you used to enjoy as you try to process your pain.

Reorganization and recovery

Although you still feel sad and long for your loved one, you start to accept the loss and your need to readjust your life to an environment in which he or she is no longer present, adapt to new daily routines, and adopt roles or functions he or she used to perform. You begin taking small steps toward reestablishing some normalcy in your life and gradually reconnecting with others.

Tips for coping with grief in healthy ways

Give yourself time and space to grieve

Grief can be overwhelming, especially in the early stages. It’s a process that needs to be worked through in order to heal, and that cannot be rushed. Emotions take time to process. Be patient with yourself and try to put off making any major life decisions until you have had time to adjust to your loss and your new normal.

Allow your emotions to surface

When you sense emotions coming up, acknowledge them and allow them to surface. You don’t need to understand them. You only need to let yourself feel them without judging yourself for them. Remind yourself that they are normal and temporary, and will eventually pass if you don’t try to hold them in.

Feel the feelings

Allow yourself to feel your feelings rather than try to bottle them up or repress them. Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. Even Jesus wept when His friend Lazarus died (John 11:32-36). It’s okay to be sad and cry. Tears can have a therapeutic effect and help get the painful emotions out.

Find creative ways to express your grief

Creative ways of expressing your grief such as through writing, music, art, or creating a scrapbook or album to celebrate your loved one’s life can help you come to terms with your loss.

Grieve alone and grieve with others

Alone time enables you to journal and connect with God through personal time in prayer. However, it is also important to reach out to others. God created us to be relational beings, and Romans 12:15 exhorts us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; [and] mourn with those who mourn” (NIV).

Prioritize self-care

It is important to make an effort to eat well, stay hydrated, do some form of regular exercise, and get enough rest during your time of coping with grief, even when it is difficult to do so, and to avoid trying to numb your emotional pain with alcohol or drugs.

Accept your limits and allow yourself to take breaks from tasks or obligations when you feel the need to. Allow yourself to experience comfort wherever you can as well, and don’t feel guilty about doing something you enjoy, or finding something to laugh about. It’s okay to feel joy even in the midst of grief.

Join a grief share support group

Connecting with others who have also experienced a loss can be a source of hope, encouragement, and support. Sharing your painful feelings with one another makes them easier to understand, learn to cope with, and release.

Look for comfort in God’s Word

Talk to God about your sorrow. Look to Him for peace, comfort, strength, and guidance, and allow Him to speak words of comfort and hope to you through His Word.

Words of comfort from God’s word

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: … a time to weep; and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance – Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, ESV

It is proper to grieve following a loss, but we should not get stuck in this phase and allow it to prevent us from living.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV

The Lord is our comforter. He does not want us to live with endless grief or pain.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, NIV

God wants to guide us through the darkness and grow our faith in the process. He is the only one who can truly comfort our hearts and heal our souls.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:26, NIV

God wants us to trust Him even in our loss and to know that He is not the source of our grief. If we turn to Him, He will strengthen us and enable us to cope with the bad things that happen as a result of living in a fallen world,

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13, NIV

For those who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, death is not the end. We have the assurance that we will see our loved ones again. Our grief at no longer being able to share any more earthly experiences with them should be tempered with hope.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:4, NIV

The grief we experience in this world is only temporary. God promises that one day there will be no more death, sorrow, or pain.

If you have questions about this article on coping with grief or would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors in our online directory, please don’t hesitate to give us a call.