Removing Obstacles to Gratitude

Last weekend, I got a massage. En route to the spa, I got stuck in traffic on the i-5 [MW1] [MW2] due to a 23-car accident that shut down the highway. When I finally arrived — a half hour late — at the spa, I met Rose, my masseuse. She could tell I was having a difficult time, shaking with the gravity of witnessing all those crushed cars along the highway, so she encouraged me to think about five people I am grateful for and five things I am grateful for.

As I closed my eyes and sank into the warm softness of the massage bed, I found this gratitude exercise quite easy to do. I am truly blessed with good people in my life. Thinking of what could have been taken from me, had I been in that accident and had I headed north just an hour earlier, struck a somber chord.

Do We Really Need More to be Happy?

Then I thought of my four-year-old daughter and what she said to me the other day. We were in a toy store, waiting to get her hair cut, and she really wanted a certain toy. Her grandma had just bought her a new Lego set, and here she was wanting more. When I said that I did not have a limitless supply of money for toys, she lamented, “I hate being poor.”

Now, our family is hardly what you would call “poor,” and I can extend much grace to my open, honest, egocentric daughter. She is simply developing normally and learning all that she needs to learn in order to develop into a mature, responsible woman someday. But when I consider all the adults I have known, including myself, who fall into traps of negative and comparative thinking, and conclude that we are impoverished and lacking somehow, I am baffled. Do we really need more to be happy?

What am I Doing Right?

I read an article in the Huffington Post entitled, “Do You Create Obstacles to Being Truly Grateful?” We know intellectually that those of us who live in the developed world have much to be thankful for: electricity, food, heat, and shelter. If we have basic health, we have wealth. But so often we experience mental stress that deflects our attention away from gratitude.

You focus on the gap between what you want and what you have, the gap between what you thought you’d have at this point in your life and what you do have. And the gap between what you have and what you see others having.

Mental stress is fueled by self-doubt, unrealistic expectations, and the overwhelming number of choices we face on a daily basis. In this age of Facebook, we compare ourselves to others and often believe that they are happier than we are. We may start to wonder, “Where did I go wrong?” But a better question is: “What am I doing right?” Focusing on the positive realities of our lives will go a long way to developing gratitude on a daily basis. Focusing on the negativity, self-doubt, and comparisons with others will only be toxic for us.

Gratitude is a Daily Choice

There is an online resource called gratefulness.org that I have found interesting and inspiring in my own journey of gratefulness. Consider our daily routines of personal hygiene. We take showers, brush our teeth, prepare dinner, and even exercise when we do not feel like it. We know that these activities will reap rewards, so we do them. Why is it different with spiritual exercises, such as gratitude?

We can make conscious choices on a daily basis to incorporate gratitude into our lives. Choosing to be grateful, even when we do not feel like it, is the first step to actually becoming grateful. Here is an exercise to try: Practice gratitude alphabetically, either aloud or in writing. Beginning with “A,” express what you are grateful for that starts with the corresponding letter, and continue until you have reached “Z.”

Telling others how significant their friendship is to you is vital in building relationships that are successful and life-giving. Even speak your gratitude out loud in your car. If you think something positive, say it. Expressing gratitude can be as short as ten seconds.

Christian Counseling to Develop Gratitude

If you would like more ideas or resources for practicing gratitude, or if you would like to learn how to manage and decrease mental stress in your life, consider calling a Christian counselor. Along with providing a safe space for personal insight and exploration, a counselor can offer resources for personal growth and community on your journey.