How Self-Compassion Can Help With Depression

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. –  Ephesians 5:21

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Outdo yourselves in honoring one another. – Romans 12:10

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others … – Philippians 2:3-4

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Jesus declared, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. – Matthew 22:37-39

(All verses taken from the Berean Study Bible)

At times, all these verses about love in the Bible have seemed contradictory to me. Even teachings in the church seemed to promote a self-debasing kind of other-centered love. Now I see the Biblical message of how to love and how to view others, as more of a triangle – God is at the top point; self and others are in equal standing at the bottom points.

In my counseling practice, I often sit with people who need help with depression  – people who are down, struggling to maintain relationships with others and with God. As we process those struggles, at the root of the pain and exhaustion is a negative view of self. This negative self-regard is something that seems to be taught in the church as proper humility, but it is viciously damaging to a self who is created in the image of a loving and perfect God.

Why would Scripture tell us to love others as we love ourselves, but then the church turns around and tells us to not consider ourselves at all? That, in fact, it is selfish and prideful to do so. I believe the self-obsession that lies at the root of depression is more prideful, in that it takes our eyes off loving others, or God, at all.

Depression turns our eyes only inward, and we end up dwelling on the negative. To love others with THAT kind of love would do harm to others, and I do not believe that is what Jesus taught or modeled.

I consider Jesus. On the cross, in excruciating pain. He knew exactly Who He was, how much the Father loved Him, and there He was – praying on behalf of the thief next to him, who was also dying. He humbled Himself, while knowing that He and the Father were one. He was God. Yet He was considering the needs of others in his moment of greatest pain.

This is true humility: Knowing exactly who you are, how much you are loved, committed to your God-given purpose, AND considering the interests and needs of others at the same time.

A client recently told me how surprised and “light” she had become as she treated herself with more respect and love; and that as she loved herself better, she was more able to love others with a full heart. She felt closer to God, which was something she had longed for – to be close to God again. I believe in a happy God who delights in us, as we delight in Him and as we see ourselves rightly. As we see ourselves rightly, the way God sees us, we can then love others with the same love. “Love others as you love yourself.”

If any of this relates to you, if you want help processing some of your own pain, if you have tried to take your eyes off yourself and only serve others and have exhausted yourself into a deep depression, please consider calling a Christian counselor today. We can together explore how to see yourself as you are – as God sees you – and learn to maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships. Best of all, you can feel nearer to the heart of God. He resides in love.