Dr. Gary Bell
As with many things, husbands and wives differ on when or how often to have sex in marriage. Men rarely see impediments to love-making and most think it is a good idea at almost any time. The condition of their marriage doesn’t interfere, nor do other issues with which they are coping.
That’s possibly because men tend to be good at compartmentalizing; the circumstances in one part of their lives won’t necessarily spill over into the other parts. If they have financial problems, face difficulties in their jobs, or are angry at their wives, sex can still be a viable option. In fact, many husbands will gauge the overall quality of their marriage by how often they do it.
For women, sex in marriage is often a welcome relief. However, if a man does not cherish his wife or make sure to look out for her needs she may withdraw from sex and make it a battleground. People can inflict consequences in marriage, punishing in the bedroom when disrespect, stress, and conflict are not worked out. Communication is the key to healing.
Men and women might also differ in how their self-image affects their sexual appetite. Most men aren’t pre-occupied with their body image, but if a wife is dissatisfied with her figure, sex can be something that makes her uncomfortable. However, some wives are more critical of their appearance than are their husbands – they are generally happy with how their wives look.
While in the middle of making love, a self-conscious woman might think about all the things that are wrong (“This sags, I’m too fat, my hips are too big, etc.”). Her husband, on the other hand, is consumed with one idea: “Hurray! She’s naked!” From a wife’s perspective, if her husband volunteers that he thinks she is sexy or attractive, she should believe him because he probably means it. But even if she thinks he is not being honest, the point is he cares enough about her to say things that make her feel good.
If you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on how often you should have sex, be aware that many couples share this situation. It is not abnormal, and it doesn’t mean that you and your partner are necessarily mismatched.
Still, you need to resolve the issue and that can best be accomplished by talking it out. While an honest discussion about sex may not be easy, try to put your discomfort aside. The fact is that sex chats can provide partners with a variety of benefits. They help to build trust just by going through the process of revealing very personal thoughts and feelings.
You also have an opportunity to come up with a plan that works for you and your partner. Getting to something you both can live with is better than uncertainty. It makes it easier to manage your expectations, so you won’t have to wonder if you are ever going to have sex again.
Tune in and learn how to overcome this nightmare!
“Unmade Bed,” Courtesy of Cassidy Kelley, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Breakfast in Bed,” Courtesy of Jeremy Banks, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
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