Why You Should Play With Your Children: Therapeutic Tips for Parents

This article is Part 3 in a 3-part series on Therapeutic Tips for Parents. 

This series on therapeutic tips for parents has focused on gleaning some ways of interacting with your child from therapy and counseling that will foster emotionally healthy results.

The biggest tool in my play therapist kit is the play itself. Years of research have shown that play in children fosters psychological health, increased coping skills, and a variety of other benefits that as a parents you would be remiss not to foster. But many parents stop too soon.

They arrange playgroups, make sure to take their children to parks or get involved in an organized activity to foster social relationships, but some do not realize there is a free and easily accessible way to provide your children with the play time they need – that is, play with you, mom or dad. This is not to say that playing with their siblings or other children their age is not important – it is, and you should continue to meet that need. But play time with you is helpful at getting at some other things, as well.

Now some will say, “I play with my kids all the time, that’s all they do is play, and I’m always there supervising.” However, there is more to it. Actually becoming involved in the play interactions is where the benefits reach new heights. Some will say, “I am not the playing type. I’m not the mom or dad that is going to get down on my kids’ level and play. I have no imagination.” And I would say I understand this point of view, as well.

Before I was a play therapist, I thought play was tedious and boring – and sometimes it is. But it’s not really about your imagination – it’s about your child’s, and you will find children have great imaginations. If you follow them into their world, you might learn a thing or two. Some of you already play with your children. Great! This article might reveal some reasons why what you’re already doing is so great, when you didn’t even know it.

Why should you play with your children?

For one, it is time to build a bond and relationship with your child. You may think, “I live with my child, how can I not have a bond? I care for them!” Think about your closest friends. You grew to know them by the time spent doing common interests together. How many of us want to include our children in our activities – cooking, cleaning, hiking, playing music? But how many of us consider joining in their favorite activity – playing. Time spent learning from your child as you play together fosters those shared experiences that will build a healthy, strong, and supportive relationship for years to come.

Additionally, so much of your time spent with your child involves teaching and instructing. And certainly, at particular ages, it may feel as if that is all you are doing. Play is actually a tool to get at your job as instructor in a more enjoyable, child-focused, and natural way. In the process of play, whether it’s your kiddo playing in the dollhouse or setting up a game of catch, problems arise that need sorting out.

For example, your daughter might be making up a story about an intruder breaking into the house and her character, the youngest daughter, might be the one who raises the alarm. You playing your role as “the big sister” in the family can take the opportunity to encourage your little sister’s concern to tell someone there was a problem, or invite them to help call the police, by dialing 911.

In pretend play, you have an opportunity to teach your children important lessons, which simply by playing with them, happens naturally and reinforces the more formal conversation you may have had already about intruders.

But in order to do so, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, there are a variety of ways to play with children: pretend play, puppets, games, sports, crafting, reading, and building, to name a few. Spend time doing a variety of them. Make time daily or several times a week that is specially focused on stepping into your child’s world of play. With children under 7, pretend or imaginative play is an especially helpful play to join and encourage. Have one-on-one time, group play time, and family play time.

Whichever way you choose, or your child chooses, something that might not come as naturally is to follow your child’s lead. Think of your job as an observer and learner in this time – even though you will also get to teach and instruct. When you follow your child’s lead, it sends the message that their ideas are important, and that you like them. This is a secret self-esteem builder. When someone likes your ideas or chooses them, you naturally feel a burst of confidence.

Be involved, ask questions, share your ideas, and try to understand theirs. Try not to take control or always intervene or intrude. It can be hard to watch your child struggle in a situation, but be patient and allow them the chance to work it out. Provide support when it seems they have exhausted their strategies, by offering suggestions or asking to be a part of a joint solution, i.e. “let’s do this together.” This is encouraging them in persistence and determination as well as how to solve problems and work as a team. Let them explore and interact with the environment, and let them invite you to be a part.

Family Counseling for Parents and Children

If you don’t know where to start with building a stronger relationship with your child, consider coming in for a focused time of family counseling to help you get some practical ideas and demonstrations in play therapy for children.