Understanding Suicidal Ideation and Tips for Prevention of Suicide

While it’s a myth that suicide attempts reach an all-time high between Thanksgiving and the New Year, this is still a good time to address this very serious issue of suicidal ideation (SI). Many people seem to suffer from depression and sadness during the holidays.

Why? Because we all experience loss in one form or another as adults and when the holidays roll around, grief and sadness are often more of companions than gratitude or Olaf’s “warm hugs” and Santa’s “Ho, Ho, Ho!” It’s more like “Oh, Oh, Oh…”

The holidays also serve as a sort of protective mechanism because connections with friends and loved ones are inherent in the season as are the other joys of the holidays like good food, laughter, and presents which all create a sense of hope.

However, suicidal ideation (that is, suicidal thoughts and suicidality) is a serious issue year-round. SI is simply when you think about killing yourself, and I believe the majority of people have experienced SI. Often SI is not the desire to die, but rather the desire to end the pain and to live life differently, The path to living a life with more joy is frequently elusive.

Some say suicide is a selfish act, my own family included. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the number of completed suicides was recorded at a record high since WWII in 2022 with 49,449 total, 14.3 deaths per 100,000 people in the US. Suicide is a serious problem because people feel alone and desperate and feel there is no solution but to end their lives.

Faith, or belief in a being greater than ourselves, is declining at a rate that is seemingly keeping up with the rate the age of morality is increasing. In other words, people are living longer so they have experienced loss in the form of death and likely more physical and emotional pain than those who are younger, and faith seems to be less and less a part of our culture’s response to that loss and pain. As faith wanes, so do hope and a desire to live.

In my experience, most people who have faith have hope and live with the belief that the best is yet to come. On the other side, many Christians struggle with how to deal with pain when a common response from a number of religious communities is that sadness and grief are directly correlated to a lack of faith, meaning that someone who claims to be a Christian is judged for feeling anything but joy!

The reality is that suffering and its corresponding emotions are part of the human condition and we are all a work in progress. So denying that we have emotions that are not in line with how Jesus would feel or respond is unhealthy because feelings are an indication we need to address an inner turmoil, to work through our human frailties to become more like Jesus! To that end, Christians struggle with admitting to feeling depressed or feeling suicidal.

My experience with suicidality is two-fold: personal and professional. My father committed suicide, my mother attempted it twice, and I planned my own suicide in 2019, so it is a subject with which I am very familiar. In my practice, I have worked with many clients who have attempted suicide, one who tried it twice in one day – unsuccessfully, thank God!

Statistically speaking, committing suicide is no easy feat. While some attempts are cries for help and are, therefore, not well-executed and fail, others fail because it is simply very difficult to do. It turns out that the body is built for survival. Unfortunately, many succeed – a statistic that needs to change.

It is a myth that you will always see very clear signs someone is planning to kill themselves. Rather, if a person truly wants to end it, even the people closest to that person will not see it, because he/she does not want to be stopped.

When I was suicidal, I counseled clients day in and day out with a smile on my face, posted happy social media posts, socialized with my counselor colleagues and several very good friends, and worked a second job at a hospital. Once I disclosed my suicidal thoughts long afterward, all of those people told me that they had no clue. I believe that God intervened and gave me the courage to do something different, to change the life I had.

Afterward, God directed me to disclose my personal experience to the world, which was not my original intent when I had started writing a book about life’s lessons years prior, so I was a bit resistant to His promptings. In my book, The Suicidal Christian: A Journey in Redefining Faith and Life, I outline how and why I gave up on a God who had been foundational for most of my life. I had lost hope in everything I held dear in this life.

I was focused on what I no longer had. My identity was rooted in my roles in life, e.g., as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. One of the pivotal moments in my journey was when I realized that I expected that I would be happy, and that people would love me if I loved them and if I did everything right.

That is the farthest thing from the truth. Hurting people hurt other people. No one loved Jesus as much as He loved them. He surrendered His life for those who hurt Him the most.

Everyone is walking on their journey according to God’s plan, which no one knows. Every experience we have builds upon the prior one. They are lessons. Sometimes those building blocks feel like mountains no one can climb, least of all you. But remember that Mount Everest has been conquered.

How can you overcome thoughts of suicide? You must recognize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your emotions are not fixed and your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions.

Promise not to do anything right now, in the heat of the moment. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Do not isolate; share your feelings with someone you trust, e.g., family, friends, clergy, coach, doctor, teacher, or helpline.

What are some suicide prevention strategies? If you are feeling desperate and alone, or are having feelings of self-harm or suicidality, please know they will pass. You are not alone – your mountain seems insurmountable, but it is not. When the future feels overwhelming and the present feels oppressive, know that those emotions are real to you, but they are not evidence of truth.

Feelings come and go. When you feel that life in the moment is not survivable, know that it is Satan and not God speaking. Satan will do whatever he can to pull you away from living the life God wants you to live. If you do not believe in God, then know that He holds out open arms to those who come to Him in repentance and faith.

How do we fight the unknown? With the known. In a moment of despair, find a distraction like a movie that always makes you laugh, snuggle with your pet, or go for a walk. And explore good things in life, like that concert you have tickets to next month or that best friend you want to visit.

Maybe call a friend or loved one, someone you trust; sometimes just voicing your despair puts it in perspective. Lastly, get out of your head by going to a favorite hangout even when you do not want to. Just do it.

If you need immediate support because you are having thoughts of self-harm, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline to speak with a trained crisis counselor, or call 911 if you need immediate physical intervention because you are having thoughts of suicide.

If you resonate with any part of this story of struggle or you constantly feel you want things to be different but don’t know how or where to start, contact me or any of the other counselors at Seattle Christian Counseling.