What is Birth Order Theory?

Birth order theory was formulated in the early 1900s by Austrian psychotherapist Alfred Adler who observed that parents interact differently with their children based on the order in which the child is born into the family. He believed that these differences in family dynamics affect the way the child is raised, and have a significant influence on the development of personality traits during his or her formative years.

Firstborn children, for instance, typically have higher expectations placed on them by their parents and develop a greater sense of responsibility and dutifulness, whereas younger children who are treated more leniently may be more carefree and dependent.

Common Birth Order Characteristics

Eldest child Eldest children know their parents longer than any of the other children and are the only ones to experience life without siblings and the full attention of their parents. They are also the children that parents learn to parent with.

Eldest children tend to be raised with a mixture of instinct and trial and error. Their parents are new to the job and tend to be more anxious and perfectionistic about raising them. They consult all the resources, go by the book, have higher expectations of their child, and are rule-oriented, strict, cautious, and overly anxious about little things.

As a result, the eldest children may become perfectionists, always striving to please their parents, and growing up with a need for approval from authority figures.

When younger siblings come along, elder children are dethroned from their only status and suddenly have to share their parents’ attention. They are also given many responsibilities at home such as helping out with chores or watching their younger siblings and are expected to set a good example.

In such cases, they tend to be quick to take charge, may appear bossy, and tend to become natural leaders, reliable, responsible, conscientious, independent, rule followers, hard workers, organized, success-oriented, mature, and high achievers.

Eldest children also tend to have higher IQs, larger vocabularies, and attain higher levels of education than the other birth orders, perhaps because while they were only children their parents were more available and provided them with greater mental stimulation by talking and reading to them and explaining things to them.

Middle child Middle children never know what it feels like to have their parents’ undivided attention. Although their parents are more relaxed due to their previous experience with the eldest child, they are also less attentive since they now have more than one child to take care of and can’t offer them the same cognitive support they were able to offer their firstborn.

Middle children often feel ignored, overlooked, or lost in the shuffle, and may try to find creative ways to get noticed and carve out a unique place for themselves within the family unit. Because of the lack of attention they receive, they tend to look for friendships and relationships outside the family and to form stronger bonds with them.

Middle children learn to be flexible and to go with the flow. They can be manipulative but are also empathetic, adaptable, resilient, and resourceful, as well as good at compromising, negotiating, peacekeeping, conflict resolution, and creating social harmony.

Youngest child By the time the youngest child is born, parents know what to expect and are more relaxed and flexible about rules. This enables him or her to get away with more things than the eldest would have been able to.

Youngest children enjoy being in the limelight and having a good time and tend to be carefree, self-centered, free-spirited, attention-seeking, fun-loving, outgoing, silly, funny, playful, risk takers, and less conventional than the other birth orders. Often, they become entrepreneurs, entertainers, or comedians.

Not having been exposed to strict rules or expectations, the youngest children are the least likely to be disciplined or take on responsibilities and are the most financially irresponsible of all birth orders.

Only child Only children have no siblings to compete with and never have to share their parents’ attention or resources. Their parents may be overprotective of them, treat them as little adults, and have high expectations that lead them to feel pressured as they try to live up to them.

Only children are happy to spend time alone and tend to interact more with adults and friends who are older than they are, than with peers. They often seem mature for their age, are independent and high achievers, but may struggle with flexibility because of a lack of opportunity to learn how to work things out with siblings.

Factors That Can Affect Birth Order Patterns

Birth order characteristics are not etched in stone. Just because a child falls into a certain birth order does not mean they will display all, or even any, of the characteristics mentioned above.

Personality traits can change and evolve, and there are always exceptions to the stereotyped view that eldest children get more attention and are subject to more responsibility, middle children get less attention and are more independent, and youngest children are disciplined less and have more freedom. Additionally, there are several moderating influences that can affect a child’s behavior and personality and throw off their birth order traits. The following are a few examples.

Gender If the first two children are of the same gender, they may compete with one another to appear different and unique in the eyes of their parents. If, however, they are of different genders, they may both behave as firstborns because they each have their own identity.

In cases where a higher value is placed on one gender over the other, and that’s the gender of the second child, he or she may outshine the firstborn and be elevated above them. For instance, in some families, if the firstborn is a girl and the second a boy, the son may have some firstborn characteristics because he is the family’s first male offspring.

Temperament Studies have shown that at least half of a child’s personality is determined by the temperament he or she is born with. So, for instance, if a younger sibling has a stronger, more confident disposition than the eldest child, or is better suited to succeeding in something the family values, this can throw off the birth order role and blur the lines.

Age spacing The number of years between children has a huge impact on their behavior and the way they relate to one another. Siblings who are close in age, for example, especially if they are of the same gender, may feel the need to compete with one another for their parents’ attention, whereas children born further apart may not feel this need and be comfortable just being themselves.

If there is a large age gap of five years or more between a middle child and his or her next older sibling, but a small gap between him or her and his or her next younger one, the birth order may be reset, making him or her more similar to an eldest child.

Specialness A child with a special talent or ability may receive the prime treatment of an eldest child regardless of his or her birth order, thus disrupting the birth order dynamic. This may also be true of a child with special needs who requires extra care. If, for instance, the eldest child has a disability, the middle child may take on the firstborn traits of responsibility.

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