Your Marriage is Your Mission Field: Thoughts from a Christian Counselor, Part 1

Part 1 of a 2-Part Your Marriage is Your Mission Field Series

 

A mission field is the arena in which one seeks to give life to others ̶ the place for engaging the intrinsic and altruistic purposes of one’s life. While adolescents and young people are busy becoming who they are (what I refer to as the paradigm of “Be”), a mission field, in effect, is where one acts from who one has become (the paradigm of “Do”).

Humans are made to do something in this world ̶ we are called to accomplish something. Many of us have a deep (and God-given) concern that we should do things that make the world a better place. We are designed to find meaning and worth in life-giving efforts. You might say that our sleeping well at night has much to do with having done something worthy that day.

Your Spouse is Your Primary Mission Field

This article is the first in a two-part series in which I propose that the primary mission field of a married person is their spouse. In other words, the single most important thing that a married person can do is to sow into, or minister to, their husband or wife. This is the biggest check they can put on their list, the thing that enables them to sleep like a Nyquil commercial.

Sorting out the priorities of one’s life can be difficult enough, and declaring that altruistic efforts are the primary object of one’s life is a big claim. Yet there are reasons for making this claim. No earthly relationship is more intimate than a marriage. But because the marital relationship is so close, it is the most difficult ̶ it is the most ‘real,’ and it can, therefore, be the most rewarding. Moreover, a vitalized romance with one’s husband or wife is the best gift someone can give their child. I also believe that serving others out of obedience to God and in order to honor Him should start with one’s spouse ̶ what could be a better test of someone’s heart?

Your Voice Affects Your Spouse

However, in this article, I want to focus on a different reason for viewing marriage as one’s primary mission field, namely, the fact that a marital partner so powerfully affects the life of their spouse. We are accountable for the fact that we have a voice that our partner hears with their whole being ̶ whether they want to or not.

Your husband or wife is made to be a beautiful scene unto the Lord. Do you help them to become this, or do you break down their efforts? I don’t mean by this that we are in charge of changing or ‘fixing’ our partners, but rather almost the opposite. I mean that we are given a very great responsibility to bless our marital partners in order to help them fully become what God made them to be.

 Are You a Safe Place for Your Spouse?

I use the analogy of ‘home’ to illustrate this point. You live in a house, but in many ways, you are your partner’s home. They are their own person, but their heart is under your shelter. They have given you their heart and their life ̶ their heart’s home is you. Seen in this light, you can ask yourself: Are you a comfy home? Are you their friend and adventure partner? This could be like taking up residence in a cottage by a stream, with a smoking chimney made of river rock. Are you their castle keep ̶ their protector or safe place? (Wives can be fortresses, too).

Are you a royal palace where their heart is romanced and attended to, and treated with the dignity due to a child of God? Are you not sure about this? Perhaps you should ask them ̶ it could be a good conversation.

Or are you a rain-soaked cardboard box of complaining and criticism? Are you a scary alleyway that menaces your partner’s heart and leaves them walking on eggshells, never knowing when you might lash out? Are you a desert, absent and unavailable? We can’t avoid affecting the lives of our partners. We play a critical role in helping them become what they were made to be. It is possible to rob and harm your partner’s glorious purpose by being nasty, resentful, critical, and closed off.

Christian Counseling Can Strengthen Your Marriage

In my next article, I continue this discussion by looking at the sort of love that can make you a safe fortress for your spouse. But if this article has raised questions for you and made you aware that you want to be a better home to your partner’s heart, speaking to a trained Christian counselor could be a wonderful investment. Christian counseling can help you to understand your role in your marriage and enable you to appreciate how you and your partner affect each other.

Photos
freedigitalphotos.net, Mission Closeup Stock Photo. By patpitchaya,Stock Photo – image ID: 100168004; freedigitalphotos.net, Smiling Young Couple, By stockimages, Stock Photo image ID: 100107418