4 Guidelines to Know Your Heart

Our words reveal the truth about who we really are. In the social media culture we live in, we are all familiar with using words. Behind a screen, we can be patient, kind, thoughtful, and successful, making those around us think we are great people. Yet sometimes, hiding behind a screen makes it easier to speak our minds, and with a few words, we show our lack of temper, self-control, or compassion. Have you found yourself surprised by statuses or comments from friends? Whether it is through social media or not, our words say a lot more than we think they do. Our words show whether we are a person of honor, integrity, respect, love, or not.

 1. Words Without Faith
For some of us, our behavior disqualifies our words. When our words don’t line up with what we do, they become meaningless. I can tell you that I believe it is important to live a healthy lifestyle, and I might make crude comments about people that struggle with obesity; yet, I rarely exercise and on Friday evenings you see me chomping down on a Big Mac with extra large fries and a soda. Is what I say I believe, the same as I show that I believe? We know that works without faith are empty, and sometimes, our words are empty too.

If our words are not lining up with what we are doing, they are still lining up with something. Maybe I talk about love, but you see conflict, anger, and aggression in me. My words are lining up with what is actually in my heart.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks because the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. — Luke 6:45 (ESV)

Ask your average American and they will tell you they are “a good person.” However, you can tell if they are filled with pain, anxiety, bitterness, hatred, violence, gloom, contempt, judgment, and anything else by how they talk. Pay attention to their tone of voice, sarcasm, discontent, and facial expressions. Pay attention to how they talk about others and you will begin to see what is really inside.

 2. How I Talk About Someone Else Might be How I Talk About You.

Let’s say you are getting close to someone and you think you might be able to share something private and vulnerable, yet you know this person gossips. Can you trust them with something personal? What makes you think that if they are willing to gossip about another person that they are not willing to gossip about you? “I can trust my friend,” you might say, or, “We have a special relationship.” While it is a comforting thought, if I was really looking for what is in someone’s heart, then I would be cautious of what I say.

Political campaigns offer us a great example. At the end of a campaign commercial, we see a confident man that announces, “My name is Mr. Right, and I approve this message.” He declared that he approves of slandering his opponent, and dragging his name through the mud. His campaign is not based on his personal achievements, but rather in pointing out someone else’s fault. Then Mr. Right assures us he is the right person for the job – ironically –as a slanderer is supposed to be the “good” person.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. — Proverbs 18:21 (ESV)

There is a universal rule of thumb, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.” I want people to hold my name with honor and respect; therefore, I will hold their name to the same standard. If they hurt me, I will approach them privately. If they wrong me, I will try to resolve the conflict before talking about them behind their backs.

 3. Words Have the Power to Build Up or Tear Down.

Scripture talks about words being powerful. We can use them to build up or tear down.

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. — Proverbs 10:11 (ESV)

Let’s look at marriage as an example. Marriage is meant to be a relationship where friendship, companionship and love abound. Yet, how often are unkind and hurtful words spoken? Sadly, there is often whining, mistrust, blame, contempt, and anger.

We see parents who say they love their children, yet they pierce their children’s heart with words that show contempt rather than love, “You are stupid!” “You will never learn!” And those words stay with the child who becomes an adult that believes, “I am stupid!” “I will never learn.”

On the other hand, we see the scared teenager trying to make sense of life, and a youth leader that says, “God has great plans for you, I see His hand on you.” That same teenager begins to believe in himself, in a God who is bigger than his anxiety and fears, and grows that capacity to spread and share God’s love as it was shared for him.

4. Our Words Reveal Who We Are, Inside and Out.

If we really want to understand what is in our hearts, then we have to ask ourselves some honest questions.

Does what I say I believe line up with what others see? How do I use my words? Do people around me feel built up, honored, and respected, or torn down? Am I full of flattery, or do I have the courage to tell the truth?

My words show whether I can be trusted or not. My words have the power to build or to tear down. My words matter.

Friend, listen to your words and see if you are being honest with yourself. If you need help, or find something that you don’t like, feel free to give me call and I would be happy to take a look with you. Christian Counseling can be extremely helpful by offering a quiet and safe place where one can work through inner thoughts to bring insight, freedom and new life.