6 Reasons Why Negative Feedback is Positive

Part 1:  Keys to Your Personal Development Success

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens [and influences] another [through discussion]. (Proverbs 27:17)

Let’s be honest, constructive criticism is never enjoyable. I think that we would all say we want feedback, but in reality we don’t really want to hear it. To hear that we have fallen short of expectations is a blow to our ego. Constructive criticism is defined as an assessment of a person’s performance, and usually addresses weaknesses for the purpose of improvement. But, no matter how nicely packaged, feedback just stings. When confronted by our spouse, friend, coworker, or boss, our first instinct is to become defensive and offended. Negative feedback can provoke many strong emotions, such as anger, self-doubt, fear, and anxiety. However, these “sandpaper” moments can be huge opportunities for personal growth if we choose to respond instead of react. In the following three articles, I will share tips that have helped me to lean into the discomfort and turn negative feedback into a positive and profitable experience. In this article, I discuss six reasons why negative feedback is beneficial for you to hear.

1)   Feedback Sharpens

Sandpaper is used to get rid of old layers. Its abrasive surface is used to make objects either rough or smooth. Like sandpaper, the roughness of criticism helps to refine me if I choose to put the information into action. Feedback helps me to smooth out my shortcomings and strengthen my weaknesses. It helps to change me for the better. Though sometimes painful, a critique gives me a bigger return on investment than a compliment does. The critique presents me with a door of opportunity for improvement that I did not have before. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good encouragement. But I have noticed that I grow stronger when met by resistance rather than comfort.

2)   New Perspective

Constructive criticism exposes my blind spots. Without awareness of my weaknesses, I cannot improve and therefore I remain deceived and stuck. Feedback is a gift because it clears away obstacles that I cannot remove by myself. The chances are that if one person sees your shortcomings, other people are also aware of them – except for you. Wouldn’t you rather know about your weaknesses so that you can fix them? Instead of pushing back against criticism, look for the grain of truth. Start to cultivate an appreciation and value for perspectives other than your own. Try an experiment and ask your coworkers or friends to “poke holes” in your best idea. This can actually be a fruitful exercise in that it allows you to address the weaknesses of your plan that you could not otherwise see because of your investment in the project. It is an opportunity to regain objectivity and fresh vision.

3)   Fuel for the Fire

Negative feedback can serve as positive motivation to change. There is something about being faced with a challenge that fuels determination, creativity, and progress. Negative feedback is an invitation to leave stagnation behind and to move forward. If you accept the challenge to become better, you will see new opportunities emerge that you would not have believed were possible. But how should a person approach feedback that is not well-intentioned? I am referring to those people whose purpose is not to help but to harm. This type of feedback is meant to insult, discredit, and demean. You need to set boundaries and choose to not allow people to control you. Instead, channel that negative energy into positive fuel that propels you forward rather than backward. Your success will prove your critics wrong.

4)   Thick Skin

One reason why criticism cuts so deep is because human beings are too self-focused and obsessed about what other people think of them. Receiving negative feedback helps me to remember to not take myself so seriously. Criticism is an inevitable part of life, and if you want to do anything worthwhile you need to develop a resilient attitude. Let the harshness of criticism create a somewhat thick skin. If you open yourself up to scrutiny, over time you will develop a stronger backbone in the face of judgment. The definition of a “thick skinned” person is one who is not easily offended. Giving in to feelings of offense wastes valuable time and energy. Secure people know who they are and do not personalize every critical comment, or see it as an attack on their value as a person. They are not threatened by negative feedback and are able to laugh at themselves.

5)   Live to Learn

Packaged in every challenge are worthwhile learning experiences. If you look at the pain of criticism as problem solving opportunities, then your focus will shift to a more hopeful outlook. The pain will take on a different meaning. The focal point becomes centered on discovering valuable data in order to make wiser decisions for a more successful future. Self-reflect on your experience of negative feedback and look for hidden treasure. Ask yourself: What did I learn about myself? What does my reaction to the feedback tell me? What did I learn about other people? What can I improve on? What can I do differently in the future?

6)   Humility and Community

Feedback reminds me that success cannot occur in isolation. We all need wise counsel. Are you willing to let people correct you? Are you able take advice graciously? Are you teachable? Proverbs 12:15 states: “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Use negative feedback to seek out mentors and accountability groups to help you become your best self. Don’t be afraid of a confrontational conversation with your boss, mentor, spouse, or friend. If approached in the spirit of collaboration, open-mindedness, and resolution, it will deepen and improve your relationship.

Christian Counseling for Personal Development

As a Christian counselor, I am convinced that feedback is greatness knocking. If you want to be successful, both professionally and personally, choose to take the high road and avoid defensiveness. Take inventory, filter out the garbage comments, find the truth, and change.

If you need help resolving a difficult feedback experience, I would love to meet with you. Perhaps receiving negative feedback has destroyed your confidence. Christian counseling can provide a safe space that can help you to reprocess this experience so that you can feel empowered again.