6 Tips for Being a Supportive Caregiver to Aging Parents

The natural span of life includes a period of slowing down and declining. Facing that decline can be challenging for the aging parents and the caregivers, particularly if there is an illness involved. If you are the caregiver for a spouse, parent, or another elderly person you must try not to give from an empty bucket. Facing the challenge of caring for someone in their twilight years requires compassion and patience.

6 Tips for Caring for Aging Parents

Here are six tips for you as the caregiver of aging parents.

1. Seek Help

You are not able to do everything and attempting to do so could result in emotional and physical harm. No human being can manage all the things that life throws at them. Reach out to family and friends for help in dealing with the situation. Look into the options for hiring help. Consider visitation from church members.

Arrange for auto-ship and delivery services for as many things as you can. Making sure that your life is not completely spent in the weeds will be a relief to some of the stress through which you are working. Are there assistive devices that can be used: ramps, railings, tools? Are there certain elements of care that can be done by others?

You don’t have to take on the entire burden by yourself.

2. Know what your parent wants

It is important to have difficult conversations when your parents are lucid and strong. You need to know if they have any medications, what to tell paramedics, if they have a DNR (do not resuscitate). Talk to them about what they want for their care. Do they want to go to a medical facility or stay in their home? What are their insurance and finances like? Do they have any preferences for life support? Who has the power of attorney, both financially and medically?

Do they have a living will? What level of care do they need, even if they don’t want to acknowledge it? Work together to organize medical, legal, and financial information in a way that both parents and caregivers can understand.

These are hard conversations to have, but it is much harder to be in a situation and not have any of the answers. If your parents are ill, or they have dementia, the time for these conversations is before they decline. Knowing how they want their future to look is helpful when making tough decisions about their lives.

It is also important to not let your wants get in the way. If they want to refuse treatments or life-extending options, you need to prepare yourself for that. You cannot control the outcomes, and your desire to do so could potentially cause greater harm.

It is hard to see people you love decline. Don’t let your love blind you to their wishes. Yes, they once lived a full and busy life. While you may wish for that to always be the case, learning to accept that it is no longer true is important for you to be a good caregiver. You may need to overcome your desire for that to be the case again, with the reality that they are not going to. Before you make decisions ask yourself if it is for them or you.

3. Plan for fun together It is so easy to let life become all about doctor appointments and rest. Don’t let that take over everything. Plan for fun outings. If there are limits to their energy plan accordingly, but even a drive can bring a lot of joy. Make the time to spend playing favorite games, watching family movies, and sharing time together.

 

Again, consider what they wish, but don’t treat them with such a sense of fragility that keeps you all from having an enjoyable time together. Maybe they are on a restricted diet for a health concern. Look for treats that they can enjoy.

Perhaps they are confined to a wheelchair or need assistive devices. Find activities to enjoy while sitting. Brighten their day with pictures of grandkids. Help them connect with old friends, via modern technology. Also, ask them what they want to do. They may have something in mind that you never would guess.

4. Take time for yourself

Caregiver burnout happens when you don’t properly exercise self-care. You need to create space and time for yourself. Meet with a friend for coffee. Take turns caring for a parent with other siblings or caregivers.

Cultivate your other relationships, with spouses, your children, and friends. While caregiving may consume a large portion of your life, it should not dominate it entirely. You cannot carry this entire burden on your own.

Seek out support groups as well, online or in person. Having other people to talk to about all the things you are going through is valuable. If you have the privilege of communicating with a therapist or counselor, you should make the time for those meetings. It will go a long way toward helping you maintain a healthy mindset through this time.

Watch for signs of anger or depression in yourself, which may indicate that you need a break. Stress that is left unattended will come out sideways and cause great pain to yourself and others.

5. Focus on your parent’s comfort and safety

Giving up a lifetime of independence is hard, but if your parent has become a danger to themselves or others, even by negligence, then you will need to make some difficult decisions. If it is no longer safe for them to drive, you will need to help them through that process. If they have had multiple falls in their home, you may need to consider having full-time help there or they need to move. This transition can be hard for many people.

Perhaps you have been caring for them in your own home, but it is becoming more than you can handle. It is important to evaluate if you are the best person to give them care. If you cannot give them a safe and comfortable environment, you need to consider other options.

6. Trust the professionals

No amount of internet research makes you an expert. Doctors, nurses, and other geriatric professionals are trained to see things that you may not even consider. Learn to ask them questions. In most settings, someone is willing to listen to your fears, and give you some guidelines for what to expect.

You do want to advocate for your aging parents and make sure they are receiving the best care, but you do not want to harass people to make that happen. It is important to ask questions, gain clarity, and be honest about the things that are hard for everyone. Learn what you can about the condition that you are dealing with, particularly ways you can make things easier for your aging parents. Let the experts guide you to the best resources.

A few words on end-of-life care

It is a privilege and heavy burden to care for someone on their deathbed. You will be asked to handle medications, bodily fluids, and things that may be unpleasant for you. It is impossible to fully prepare yourself for a parent’s death, but that is something to consider if you are the primary caregiver. All the suggestions above apply, particularly knowing what your parent wishes, and trusting the professionals.

End-of-life care is challenging and may not be for you. Think carefully about how you can ensure that the end of your parents’ life is full of comfort and compassion.

Prepare for the day when the end comes, by living in hope and happiness. Focus on the good moments that you have today, be patient on the days when things become frustrating. There is grace and compassion for this time as well.