Christian Counseling for Biblical Womanhood

Proverbs 31 may not be as keen on telling you to grow your hair long and buy a denim jumper as you think

References Intimate Allies by Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III

Will you go to Hell if you don’t home school your kids? I doubt it. But sometimes it can feel that way. Christian women are bombarded with so many conflicting messages about how to be Christian women it’s enough to make you want to throw your apron up over your head and weep. And then there’s Proverbs 31– that dreaded passage– enumerating all the ways you’re just not good enough. In their book, “Intimate Allies,” Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III break down the Old Testament “How to be the Perfect Woman” chapter and show us it’s not quite as daunting or restricting as we think.

(Trivia– Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic, meaning every sentence begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet)

A Godly Woman

1. Is hard-working.

Yay, here’s a good time to talk about whether women can lose their salvation by having a career! In this passage, the “ideal” woman works from home. However, as offices weren’t really a thing when this was written, most people did. (172) Therefore, this is not necessarily a command that women are restricted to household drudgery, rather a model of a woman doing well working from home.

• “She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.”
• “She selects wool and flax
 and works with eager hands.”
• “She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard.”
• “She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”

This woman is not sprawled on the couch trying to decide which episode of Desperate Housewives she’ll watch next. She appears to have some sort of sewing business that she is working hard at. She orders her materials, processes them, and then markets them. She even invests the profits. This woman is an entrepreneur. However, please don’t take this as the opposite of fundamentalism and assume it means you have to work outside the home to be a Godly woman. I’m sure if you let anyone with a “regular” job spend a day looking after a fussy toddler they’d run screaming back to their desk and tearfully kiss it upon their return. The lesson here is the Lord prizes industry.

2. Takes Care of Others

Ideally, after evangelism, the first goal of Christianity is to do for others. When Christ wasn’t telling people about his Father, he was healing them, often at the same time. We are to model his example by helping our fellow creatures where we can.

• “She provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.”
• “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”
• “When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.”

Our article about Biblical Manhood also discusses the exhortation that believers look for ways to help others. A combination of biology and socialization prepare women to be more attentive to the needs of others than men. However, that is not to say men are never nurturing, nor can they be nurturing, just that women tend to have a more serious case of the Florence Nightingales.

The ideal woman of Proverbs 31 looks after her family and her employees. She demonstrates her love for them by making sure they are well fed and have warm clothes when it gets cold. She also gives out of her abundance to those who have no one to look after them. It is possible this woman may have more to give than you do. If charity is something that makes you nervous because of how it might jeopardize meeting your own needs, look for non-financial ways you can give. Habitat for Humanity would love for you to show up to one of their builds. No experience necessary. And no organization that genuinely wants to help people would sniff at a $5 or $10 donation.

3. Is a Good Wife

For a marriage to survive, it has to be the first priority of its members. In this passage, we see a busy woman who does not use her responsibilities as excuses to neglect her relationship with her husband.

• “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
• “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”
• “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’”

Marriage depends on mutual support. When both spouses try to pull it in separate directions it just leads to marriage problems. The “ideal” wife is a great example of fulfilling Eve’s purpose as an indispensable support for Adam. Not a servant to be ordered around, and not an overseer to order others around, but a partner working to achieve the same goals.

Christian Counseling For Godly Women

Understanding how to reconcile the demands of society with those of scripture on you as a woman is difficult. If you’d like someone to sit down with you and talk about how you could apply the principles of Proverbs 31 to your own marriage, make an appointment with a professional Christian counselor in Seattle. A Christian counseling session is the ideal place to find a supportive, listening ear for your worries and confusion about biblical woman hood. A professional Christian counselor will temper psychological skills with Biblical principles to help you bring your role as a wife and mother better into alignment with God’s design.

Images cc: freedigitalphotos.com -“Bible” by Janaka Dharmasena
“Young Woman Reading” by nuchylee
“Business Lady Writing On Notebook” by adamr